Dear Anonymous,
Crossing the finish line is undeniably cliché, quite general, and maybe even a bit indirect or obscure; but, my intent was to use a time worn metaphor to suggest keeping my focus on a goal. In this case the metaphor might be applied to several milestones.
Do I mean “when my life ends.”? As we take the Apostle Paul to mean when he says, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished the course?” Yes.
Do I also mean that I want to hurry up and cross the finish line (die) as soon as possible? No. (Although there is some truth, and I identify somewhat with a poem we read in high school about it being best for heroes to die young while the fame of their deeds and the laurel wreath was still fresh-before the applause dies down and they are forgotten). But, heavens! I need to do something to be lauded and wreathed for first!
Do I mean that I want to run several successful races, meet several substantial goals along the way? Yes. I am not putting all my effort, pinning all my hopes, on one gigantic race or project that concludes when life ends.
As a recovering co-dependent, recovery/emotional health is one of those substantial goals. In the past, my yearning and longing has focused on being loved and approved of. It has been my tendency to strive to make myself indispensable, to find my fulfillment or alter my mood by meeting the needs of others (and thereby claiming their praise and approval). While it is a fine thing to give of oneself; it is dangerous to live one’s life solely to meet the goals of someone else. It is the most irresponsible thing a very conscientious person can do. My goal right now (from which I must NOT be deterred by longing and yearning) is to “Be all that my creator intended for me to be” (and that’s not an Army ad). I have additional, more specific, short and longer term goals regarding my writing and my music.
In conclusion, when I wrote, “may I harness the yearning and longing and let them be a matched team that pulls my chariot victoriously across the finish line,” I was referring to short term goals, long term goals and final goals.
Perhaps Emerson expressed it more succinctly when he penned , “Sail into port grandly; or be content to sail with God the seas.”