I  am currently at work on a story about a woman named Precious (you can read the first chapter in the tab above).  Many of her capable, dependable and charitable efforts are expressed in the phrase, “Why cry about it if you can do something about it?”

This is a call to action; and a victorious vision to leave off being the victim – to quit feeling hopeless. I am rethinking Precious’ character – wondering if in her ownership of her emotion and actions she is denying herself some healing grief.

I have a friend who each year honors the anniversary of the passing of her late husband with a fresh, but maturing grief.  Even though they were legally separated at the time of his death; the loss of decades of relationship and shared memories is very real.

Another friend was called to the bedside of her ex-husband as he lay dying. There, they made peace, and reciprocated forgiveness. He had been a jerk and both were long remarried. Did she grieve his passing?  Yes.  Some might have said to her,

“What’s there to grieve?  He was a jerk.  Now he is gone.”

Or to the one who left, “You made your own bed, you can lie in it.”

There is much to grieve in this world.  Each person, jerk or not, has value.  Whether it was a good relationship or a bad relationship – it was a relationship.

You think the founding fathers didn’t grieve at being separated from England?  Mother England with the delicious stiffness of tea-time?  Did that stop them from pursuing and insisting on freedom?  Do you think the enabler who decides to leave a spouse suffering with addiction does not grieve?

When you grieve.  Grieve heartily. Weep well.Things ungrieved weigh you down.  It is such a weight to not have the privilege to grieve.

Sure, some, seeing your grief, are bound to wag their heads and say, “Look how (s)he weeps.  (S)he is coming to her senses.”

Don’t let them deny you the privilege of grieving the things that were – or the things that might have been.