I love the words, influence and negotiation. Influence makes the world a better place. The desired outcome of negotiation is a win-win for all parties concerned. I have a thirst for Knowledge and Information. Knowledge and Information lead to success in life.
But when influence is used chiefly to get one’s own way rather than for the positive benefit of the world at large, there is a line where the influence of leadership or the influence of friendship crosses into manipulation, manipulation to intimidation, intimidation to coercion.
Disparaging, shaming, insulting, uncomfortable to receive; manipulation and intimidation shut down choice. Sometimes, the only label we know to put on it is political. Office politics. Family politics.
The Influence Junkie hatches an idea and sets about to confirm the validity of his or her idea by how many people can be talked into jumping on the bandwagon. Having fanned the flame, the influence junkie walks away triumphant -may even forget the idea – while keeping the feeling of victory and leaving in their wake some sensitive and fragile folks feeling obligated. Others are depleted for having had to defer or outright decline.
When you tried to negotiate with me, did you let it dissolve into shame, name-calling or manipulation? If so, you lost a piece of your character and I received a wound. That is not win-win.
When you meant to influence me to see it your way, did you respect my opinion? Or were you meddling? Did you resort to irritation and anger, or infer I was bird-brained, because I did not agree with you?
Keep it positive and we will have a more excellent relationship.
Information and Knowledge influence. Gossip is not the same as Information and Knowledge. Gossip bullies are adept at spreading hoax, rumor and panic. Gossip bullies get overwrought by something they hear on the news or the grapevine. Soaring on the yeast of self-righteousness, the gossip spreads the word and walks away feeling uplifted. They have done their duty for the cause.
Caution: Surgical mask required for great relationships. People around you whose emotional systems have been compromised are struggling to manage depression, other mental illnesses, migraines and high blood pressure. Keep that guard over your mouth.
Healthy influence makes the world a better place.
The outcome of healthy negotiation is win-win.
The value of amassing information and knowledge lies in a deeper understanding.
Influence. Negotiate. Inform. Teach. Refrain from berating – and that will lead to more excellent relationships.