“What do you really want, “ she asked. “Be specific with your answer. Don’t just say something general like; I want to be fed and clothed.”

She was half my age, yet full of the wisdom and experience necessary to instruct me in wanting well. Having known me all her life and lived with me for two thirds of it, she knows better who I am perhaps than any other. Genetically, she shares a few of my propensities, fears, insecurities.

She: Be specific. Tell me what you see in your head. List it-without any qualifications of why it is not possible. If you want a chalet in the Swiss Alps, just say so. Don’t think of the cost. Don’t go getting distracted by reminding yourself you would need one heck of a job to afford that. Don’t stop to consider if you would be too far from family.  What do I want? The question has dogged me all my life. Nevertheless, I began:

• I want a cabin in Ouray
• I want to write
• I want to revel in music and Rocky Mountain beauty
• I want to travel

She: Now that sounds interesting.

Me: Yes! Come to think of it, I don’t need a cabin. I need a launch pad. Last time I had a cabin all it did was tie me down.

She: Oopsie, there’s one of those caveats! You want a finished, cozy cabin with a complete library.

Me: And pressed cotton sheets.

She: MmHmm

Me: And walking distance to hot springs

She: Oh yeah. Keep it coming.

Me: And a handful of intelligent friends with common interests.

She: There we go.

What do you want? What do you see in your head? How soon do you get off track, start bandying about caveats, diluting your dreams with practicality, and oh so sensibly paring down your desires? What is holding you back? Fear of disappointment?

• I want to walk everyday.
• I want to feel the sunshine on my face.
• I want to live in a beautiful place, work in a beautiful place – eventually die in a beautiful place.
• I want to hold my own beloved piano in my hands every day and make beautiful music without fear that I am inconveniencing or offending anyone.
• I want my own four walls.
• How about that finished cabin with the full library?

May you want well. May your dreams come to pass.