Category Archives: Character

I am mildly disappointed in The Hunger Games

Cherry Odelberg, photo credit Kevin Decker 2010

I have just finished reading The Hunger Games.  It was a great book. I am mildly dissatisfied with the conclusion.  Before I proceed to analyze why, I am sure you have one of two possible reactions which must be dealt with before you can concentrate on what I have to say.

1. Why are you just now getting around to reading this book?

OR

2. What is a 58 year old woman doing reading a YA fiction book?

The simple answer to both questions is: I am a writer, mother, grandmother and I hold down job(s) in the real world.

The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins, 2008), is more than a dawning of love between vampires or fidelity and character among institutional witches and it is worth a thorough read.

The overall narrative initially and consistently reminded me of Animal Farm or Brave New World, a couple of futuristic stories in the junior great books anthologies, and some ancient myth.  It is a book to entertain, to take you on adventure, to make you think. And thinking is what I did as I turned pages – faster and faster into the wee hours.

My first disappointment came with Peeta. I wanted him to be less passive, more warrior.  But he is only sixteen.  How much can you expect of a 16 year old, a grasp of all the virtues and character traits including Love?  These are issues I yet ponder at my age and I am a voracious reader in part due to my endless search for the ideal. Peeta certainly grasps the essence of unconditional and enduring love. Also, it is hard to find fault with his determined philosophy to not let the competition change who he is.  Why do I have trouble with his inactivity and passivity, do I not truly believe all you need is love?

My lingering disappointment has to do with the ending. She took the fruit and gave some to him – but they didn’t eat it, not really, they only pretended to. They outsmarted the gamekeepers and the Capitol, but, in so doing, did they compromise who they were? What if they had taken the fruit and swallowed it? Might rebellion have broken out  in the districts immediately?

Perhaps a Romeo and Juliet suicide is not the proper death to glamorize as an example to the YA of today. We have been aware of a high suicide rate among the young ever since I was in high school. Publishers, gatekeepers, vocal Christians and psychologists alike would frown on a dual suicide ending. No, besides ending the writer’s opportunity for a Katniss and Peeta sequel, a suicide ending too, would have been disappointing.

So, for the sake of honor.  For the sake of everything good and right and true and heroic.  I would have a true martyr’s ending. It would have been impossible not to cry. As it was, my only tears while reading the book were brought on by the district 11 bread parachute.

In my ending, Peeta flung his knife. Katniss laid down her bow. They were shot instantly for their rebellion and disobedience. Rebellion in districts 12 and 11 broke out and was widely imitated in other districts. Were their families in danger?  Of course. Family is always in danger. It is simply a matter of drawing a line in the sand sooner. In this way, Peeta’s integrity remains intact as does Katniss’s courageous honor. As it was, she took the fruit and gave some also to Adam, I mean Peeta, and the ideal took a step backwards.  But, they were only 16 after all. How could they know that the integrity of their controlled Universe rested on one decision; that all hell would later break loose; that they would live only to fight again?

Foul Weather Friends

Cherry Odelberg, photo credit, Kevin Decker 2010

Today I am contemplating foul weather friends. As might be assumed, foul weather friends are the opposite of fair weather friends.  Fair weather friends are those who love to be around you when all is going well, when everything is fun and good times.  Fair weather friends slink away, run away or hide when life hands you things difficult to bear.

Foul weather friends are the ones who are there for you when things go wrong; relationships sour; the refrigerator is empty. But, are the foul weather friends here for me in the good times?  Do they know how to enjoy life with me, or only how to help?  Do I know how to accept their friendship in good times  or only how to use my need as a magnet for their attention?

I have a few of these foul weather friends.  I know I can go to them when I am desperate and they will shelter me with a shoulder to cry on, they will offer lunch, a listening ear or even a room until I get back on my feet emotionally or financially. They seem to have it all together and they never seem to need me to reciprocate.

But I treat them the same way I treat God. I can’t thank them enough. In fact, it is a little embarrassing how much they have helped me over the years.  I am ashamed I had to ask for help. I don’t want to be a bother, so I try and give them a reprieve from my presence when times are good.  I try to stand on my own two feet until I slip up or something goes wrong again.

What I really want are all-weather friends with a life-time warranty. Is there such a thing?Do I have the resources to afford them?  Am I balanced enough to both give and receive? Do I even know how to be free of every feeling of obligation and debt except the debt of love?

Survive or Thrive? Putting my house in order

Cherry Odelberg, November 2011

The fall weather is beautiful.  It makes me want to set my house in order, get rid of the chaff of a lifetime, prepare for a cozy and uncluttered winter. At the approach of 2012, I made it my goal to live the year as though it was all I had been given, a gift of 365 days to thrive or survive.  I have survived, stabilized, reached a rhythm of contentment where I love my life and am mostly free of worry.  Yet, in the remaining two months, I want to thrive.  There are still things to do, places to go, people to see; even as I tuck everything in for the winter. I want to finish strong. Though it is not baseball season, I would love to knock one out of the park before the year’s end. A home run, a victorious finish, that’s what I want. How about you?  Are you exhausted by the time of year or exhilarated by the time of year? I want to align with Caleb:

Mt Garfield from Holy Cross

Give me this mountain!

‘Tho my sight is gone my vision has not dimmed.

Morrow Lake Trail

Give me this mountain,

And renew my strength to mount on eagles wings.

For I have seen you miracles and I believe your promises,

I have run the race, and in your name I now obtain the prize!

Give me this mountain,

One more thing before I die,

Hermits Rest, Morrow Lake

One more chance to prove your promises,

One more war to wage for right,

One more race to run with you right there by my side.

There’s been fire by night and clouds by day,

Manna eaten along the way,

Dry land where the sea had been,

And water from a rock to meet my need.

Morrow Dam Lake

Give me this mountain!

Tho a valley lies beside it,

And Jordan River bound s the other side.

Give me this mountain!

Let me conquer while the young men stand in awe.

I have lived to see this moment and from the highest peak I’ll cry,

Independence Monument, late summer inversion, 2012

“Give me this mountain!

And in peace;

Let me die!”

Cherry Odelberg 1995  (the irony of this date is not lost on me, I was 40 years old when I wrote these lyrics and first recorded the accompaniment)

Is it easier to do good works than to love?

Something has been niggling in the back of my mind. I have noticed that sometimes it is easier for me to take care of people than to love them.  Is caring for someone the same as loving them? Is it possible to love people and not take care of them?

C.S. Lewis said, “If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness.  But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love (The Weight of Glory, circa 1941).”

Given my personality type, I find it easier to self-sacrifice than to love.  Yes, I know it sounds odd, but it is true.  I know how to lay down my life for others.  The question is, do I know how to take up my life and live it as I ought? Do I know how to live with love for others, or is everything I do condescension?

When I care-take and self-sacrifice; am I doing it to control?  To make sure things get done my way?  Or is it an outward action from a heart of love? Such a fine line.

Do you deserve compassion and forgiveness?

Today, I am thinking about Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s wonderful work; The Language of Flowers (2011), which I have read twice in the past 96 hours.  I cannot get over the enduring love, understanding and forgiveness expressed over and over by the supporting characters; nor the deep understanding of human character and personality disorder exposed so profoundly by the writer.

I want to write like that; to plumb the depths of Hades and return victoriously with Eurydice; leaving my readers entertained, satisfied, hopeful, yet with the knowledge that life still takes work.  Happily ever after does not happen without addressing the issues one day at a time.  Nor does it happen without self-awareness and a compassion for the heart pain of others.

All too often, I subconsciously agree with the adage,”She made her own bed, she can lie in it,” or, “well of course he hurts, he brought it on himself, he deserved it.”

My great take away from this book has to do with what you or I went through. Just because you / I deserved it, does not justify the pain or make it less or any easier. This is true understanding and compassion. Let us be gentle with one another.

To be a parent

You’ve seen the social media posts urging you to repost or share if your daughter is your best friend; your son is someone you respect and admire; you are a mother and you think about your children 24 X 7 whether you are with them or not.

It is a well known fact that parents make sacrifices for their children. Mothers would starve and give their last bit of food to feed their hungry child.  Parents work two jobs to provide for their children, spend sleepless nights nursing them through illness. A mother or father may take a second mortgage or scale down domestic arrangements to put a child through college.

But there are other sacrifices beyond the material.

How about the father who learned to dance so he could dance at his daughter’s wedding – even though he is ensconced in a denomination that does not dance?

Or; the father who gave his daughter in marriage for the second time – even though he does not believe in divorce and remarriage and still cannot fathom what went wrong the first time.

Consider the mother who, filling the shoes of deceased father, walks hand in hand with her daughter down the garden path and gives her in marriage to – another woman.

Love, pure parental love.  Unwavering.  Unflinching. Happy are the families who can say, “I do not understand or agree with your lifestyle, but I love you, oh how I love you, anyway.” Is that not the love of God the father toward all his sons and daughters?

Are there limits to your parent love?

Yes, I have the most wonderful, talented, wise kids in the world!

Thoughts on over-responsibility

There is such a thing as over-responsibility.  I am notoriously over-responsible and it has cost me every relationship I ever lost. It comes as a result of over-compensating for those who are irresponsible, who alter our lives for the worse, or wreck our lives and theirs by being irresponsible.  Sure, when I took up the slack, it made the other person obviously, glaringly in the wrong for being irresponsible; but it left me alone, bereft of my relationships and love, looking righteous and self-righteous; and responsible. Oh, so commendably responsible! Is that what life is all about?

First of all, let me say that over-responsibility is not something you pick up casually by walking into a bar-or even walking into someplace you are supposed to be.  Over-responsibility is a genetic trait and it is also behaviorally conditioned. Not only do I have a genetic predisposition for over responsibility, the people who gave me the genes also polished the grain with legalism and endless praiseworthy expectations.  While I was never good enough, I also knew I was better than everyone else. The only course of action was to keep moving ever forward toward perfection. Just as you can never love too much, you can never be too responsible.

It happens inevitably when I work for others.  There comes a time I find myself saying, “Ooops, pardon me for becoming so invested in your vision that I felt a sense of ownership and began to implement my own great ideas and methods.” I tend to forget that while people recruit you to further their dreams and goals,they also hire you to do it their way, not to edit or improve on their vision.

My counselor once said I needed to forget about being right.  “Quit concentrating on doing the right thing and being right, and do what you want and need.”  That seems so counterintuitive; so irresponsible, so decadent, so selfish. So selfish to do what the God of the universe has called you to do; to quit sacrificing yourself to make up the deficiencies in the responsibilities of others?  Wait a minute. Making up the deficiencies in the responsibilities of others; is that self-sacrifice or meddling and controlling?

Over responsibility keeps me from asking for help. It looks, it appears, so selfish to be irresponsible to the mores of society; to let anyone else shoulder part of my load, to ask for help in something so ridiculous when I can just do the work myself and muscle through. I know the rules; you make your bed, you lie in it. After all, I got myself into this mess, I am responsible for getting myself out. Besides, “if you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.”

I used to cite my greatest strength as, “getting other people where they need to go and having a knack for figuring out just where it is.” Not so anymore. The characters I write in my novels resemble me. I write what I know.  Happily, re-reading and editing a manuscript is often a timely reminder and has the same effect as reading a self-help book.

How about you?  Are you overly responsible?

Happiness and Choice

“Are you happy, Mom?” asked my grown son.  He is the husband of one and father of four.  Sometimes he has to look out for me because I am the wife of no one, though I have been twice married and am the mother of three.

Am I happy?  What kind of question is that? Joy pretty much escapes me when temperatures rise above 80 degrees.  This year in the high desert, we experienced a scorching spring and summer. Through the first week of July there was no rain. Where I now live, there is no cooling beach to walk along. To beat the energy sapping heat for a spiritually refreshing walk requires rising before the sun, so I am grumpy.

Walks are still inspiring before 7:00 A.M.

Grumpy because I love the sunshine, but can’t take the heat.  Grumpy because I have to amend my schedule to walk alongside Nature.  Am I unhappy with Nature?  I love Nature! Often, out walking in Nature is where I feel most loved in return. Frequently, that is where the Creator speaks to me.  So in the heat, is the voice of God silenced?

“Are you happy, Mom?” Happiness is largely a product of choice. Is he asking me if I feel I have made the right choices in life? Or is he nudging me, reminding me to choose to be happy?

A collection of recent thoughts

June, 2010 in Utah

Sometimes, even daydreams get too heavy to carry and we must put them back in the hands of a higher power and take a walk unencumbered. July 6, 2012

I am pretty independent and don’t need to be rescued very often, so I only need a knight in shining armor once in awhile–I guess that’s what grown sons are for. Thanks, Kev  (July 2, 2012)

I experience the joy of true spiritual health when I unswervingly follow the desire that the God of the universe has placed in my heart; not when I am pulled back and forth between this opinion and that, this person’s manipulation, or that person’s idea of what I should be or ought to do. When will I ever learn? July 1, 2012

As I approach my birthday

Cherry Odelberg

A couple of days ago during a spontaneous dinner conversation about familial love and responsibility, my seven year old grandson reassured his parents not to worry, “Grandma Cherry will take care of you when you get old.”  I am Grandma Cherry.  I am glad he feels I am up to the task. His comment also gives insight into my personality strengths and weaknesses and how I am viewed by others. Seeking clarity, I asked him, “What age is a person when they are old?”  “Oh,” pondered he, “about 90.”

“In that case,”  I said, “I will be about 117 when your daddy gets old (in actual fact, I will be 109). Do you think I will be able to take care of him?”

In a few more days, I will turn – – another year older.  I have grandchildren ages 2,4,7 and 9.  I have grown children ages 21, 23, and 29 for the ninth time.  I chase my grandchildren, pick them up, swing the younger ones into the air and walk four miles every day I get the chance. I color my hair with my DIL and jam with my rock band offspring whenever I am welcome – but, I am no spring chicken. So last night it came as a mild surprise once again when the same grandson said, “Grandma Cherry,” you’re not old.

“Why do you think I am not old?”  I asked.  “Because you don’t have wrinkles,” he replied.  This, in the face of the fact that he is often fascinated by my moles and age spots.

Grandchildren with Grandma Cherry. Photo credit, Kevin Decker 2011

Like a true baby-boomer, I don’t always act my age, nor do I want to grow old.  There are still things to do, people to see, places to go. I long to travel, but travel costs money.  To earn money requires time; time that would otherwise be used on those same people to see and places to go. In addition to writing online, I make my daily bread at the delightful task of teaching piano lessons to six students and tutoring three others.  Recently, I added a seasonal job at our local Colorado National Monument – a huge tourist attraction.

While congratulating me on such a inspiring job, my good friend asked, “Aren’t there other National Parks you could visit and support yourself at the same time by working there?”

Yes.  What a great idea.  There are 397 National Parks.  If I chose the best in each of the 50 states and worked a different one each summer season – – I don’t have that many summers left.  Even with my youthfulness, I am getting old.  I have a birthday next week.