Category Archives: Emotional Health

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Travel, Uncategorized

Sale! Or, why you should take the zip line

April 14, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

What makes a vacation?
According to my daughter-in-law, it is not a vacation if you wake up cold. When I woke up in Mueller State Park on April 9 it was 22°. My fault for choosing a campsite in excess of 9,000 feet elevation with peak views. I was in a sleeping bag in the back of my Subaru with two quilts on top. For me, the reason it didn’t feel like vacation was that the showers weren’t open. I love my daily bath. Hot and cold running water are the two great luxuries of life.

It’s not a vacation if you left a messy desk back at the office and carried the worries with you. I tried to leave everything in order at the office so others could function with ease. I scheduled several posts in advance. After three days, I even stopped checking my email.

It’s not a vacation if you are so tight on money you brought the left-overs from the fridge and that is all you have to eat. My hamper was stocked with chips, nuts, fresh apples and avocados, and planned camp stove meals.

It’s not a vacation if you take it during spring break and your taxes are not yet done. Someone earned money doing my taxes this year. It was every bit the luxury of the years’ worth of pedicures it cost.

It’s not a vacation unless you have time to read and write. Next time, I will do less driving and more writing.

It’s not a vacation unless there are pianos along the way. I make it a point to play every accessible piano I encounter. This included the piano at St Catherine /St. Malos – in the mountains and intentionally scheduling time in downtown Ft. Collins with the pianos about town.

Our Lady of the Mountains St. Catherine / St Malos

It’s not a vacation unless there is plenty of laughter. Loved, loved, loved travelling with my daughter for three days. It was even better when we met up with my youngest son.

It’s not a vacation unless there is wiggle room for spontaneity. Despite being admitted to Royal Gorge on the senior rate, I essayed to ride the zip-line. It was too windy, so I saved myself 40 dollars. Just like money saved at a sale, this savings cost me more in the long run. Remember what I said about hot and cold running water being the two great luxuries?

Vacations should feel luxurious. Do you know how many campground showers remain closed for the season? Do you know how many hot springs there are in the Rocky Mountains?

Vacations are for enjoying as many as possible. Just keep telling yourself, “I saved $40 on the zip line. Surely I can afford this.”

I saved $40 on the zip line. Surely, I can stay another day!

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Leadership, Travel, Uncategorized

Vacation!

April 7, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

Vacation. Vay Cay Shun! I have been contemplating taking one. In fact, I am on one. In the days and weeks leading up to this time, it was my goal to put everything in order at work – to leave the office and the store turnkey so that the workers taking on extra hours in my absence would have a smooth time of it.

Forget leaving disarray so you are missed. That goes against my grain. I am nearly as bad as the mother in Night Crossing who wanted to mop the floor before the family escaped so the officials would not find evidence of slovenly housekeeping when they came in to investigate the disappearance.

Besides, when things fall into chaos in your absence, others usually blame you for being gone anyway. They accuse you of not caring – whether or not you have accumulated so many vacation hours you are required to take a few before the busy season arrives and no one can be spared.

To complicate matters, work – and holding it together personally – has been so busy I have had precious little brain cells working in the background to plan an enjoyable get-away.

Breath deep. Here I am on the threshold of departure with only one load of laundry to finish and an oil change to complete before I am off. But what do I want to do most at this very moment? Write. Play the piano. Vacation has a way of doing that; bringing into sharp focus the things that really matter. So after I write; after I play; after the oil and laundry and maybe even after some leisurely work communication; I’ll be off ! Yes, I am going to explore some beautiful places in beloved Colorado.

And when I’m gone?

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Music and Theatre, Those who can teach, Wealth and Fame

Two Musical Untruths and the Excellence of Pentatonix

March 11, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I never had a favorite band.

Wait. That’s not quite true. As a person whose tag line is often, raising young musicians, I have had numerous favorite bands.

I’ve never purchased a ticket to a live concert before.

That too, is incorrect.

I paid my own way into more than a spate of excellent Colorado Children’s Chorale performances and winning Conifer High School Marching Band competitions. I have bartered, finagled and roadied my way into fog-machine-filled venues and housed bands in my basement.

But those memories are long ago and far away. In every case, I was acquainted with someone in the band and the band knew me.

This is the first time I have avidly followed a band where I did not know the performers personally and none of them even knew I existed.

When I was young, I never had a heartthrob celebrity musician. No Shaun and David Cassidys. No Bobby Sherman. The Justin Biebers of my youth were unrealistic and inaccessible to me and I knew it.

Precisely because I did raise young musicians, I was privileged numerous glimpses, backstage and frontstage, of the level of excellence possible-and the price of achieving it. Because I operated mom’s taxi far and wide to deliver a youthful male soprano to multiple performance locations, because I was the one who laundered and pressed wardrobe every night during the heavy Christmas performance season, I understand what type of all-inclusive family commitment it takes to launch a superstar.

Philip (center) and Colorado Children's Chorale wardrobe closet — Philip (center) and Colorado Children’s Chorale wardrobe closet

I get the idea of all consuming: eat, drink and breathe music in order to be one-take wonders. It is for those reasons and more I revere Pentatonix.

I stumbled on them accidentally post Sing Off 2011 and I watched Sing Off clips over and over. I chuckled at Video Killed the Radio Star and truly came to believe The Dog Days Are Over. I pressed repeat on the deserved compliments from Shawn Stockman. It was impressed upon me that three of them were 19 – the age of my youngest son at the time. Like a high school girl, I sleuthed through biographies and YouTube and found the lead trio attended high school together. Be still my beating heart. What would it have been like to be their music teacher? To have those three in my class? YouTube also yielded the depth of multi-talent, experience and character for Avi and Kevin – the rhythm section – who are, coincidentally, my daughter’s age.

It is fitting I have a favorite band. I need excellence in my life. I will pursue it, laud it, achieve it.

To that end, I purchased a best seat available ticket to a Pentatonix concert and betook myself to Orem Utah by private motor coach (which, in the common vernacular means I drove my Subaru).

Only briefly was there quiet enough to hear the close velvet harmonies and sonorous intertwining of finely exercised and tuned vocal cords. But I did get to witness the deafening roar of the crowd and unmitigated appreciation for five über talented performers.

Excellence can and should have its reward and I am satisfied.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Leadership, Relationships, Those who can teach, Work

The worst two years of my life

February 24, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

“It was the worst two years of my life,” he said. We all have years like that, times we would rather forget, places we never revisit in our minds.

Recently, I was able to catch up with a former colleague. Not just any former officemate, but someone who had made a difference in my life – made me a better person, improved my perspective on the world in general. You know the type, the go-to person in your organization, the recognized leader whether boss or peer. Unfortunately, they are rare. Yet fortunately for me, I can count a handful over the years.

On my way to a degree in organizational management, we talked about these folks, learned they were not necessarily the ones with the title (although they can be) but the ones with competence, professionalism, character – the real leaders regardless of rank – the influencers.

It is always a good idea to be on cordial terms with coworkers. Just like houseguests, some make us happy by their coming and others by their going. According to a textbook with the scary title, “Praxis of Organizational Health,” research shows it is the people you work with who govern your perception of whether you rank it a good job or a bad job.

I spent a few years working alongside a boss who was so diplomatic it was said he could tell someone they were wrong and do it in such a way they left feeling complimented. You naturally want to keep touch with someone like that, to continue to enjoy the mentorship crumbs that fall from the table.

I am also fortunate to have had colleagues who made a job bearable because of their presence, demeanor, personality, sense of humor, and commitment to excellence. Such was the colleague with whom I recently reconnected. I attempted to convey my gratitude for his positive influence.

“Thank you for saying that,” he responded with quiet emotion, “those were the worst two years of my life.”

Yet, during those same two years, he had made my job covetable. I want to be like that. I want it to be inherent in my character.

Heartaches happen; losses, divorces, deaths, illnesses, false accusations, rejections – the worst year or years of our life (may they be kept to a minimum).

Even in my own misery, I want to go on making the world a better place for others.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Leadership, Relationships, Those who can teach

A Positive Influence

February 8, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I love the words, influence and negotiation. Influence makes the world a better place. The desired outcome of negotiation is a win-win for all parties concerned. I have a thirst for Knowledge and Information. Knowledge and Information lead to success in life.

But when influence is used chiefly to get one’s own way rather than for the positive benefit of the world at large, there is a line where the influence of leadership or the influence of friendship crosses into manipulation, manipulation to intimidation, intimidation to coercion.

Disparaging, shaming, insulting, uncomfortable to receive; manipulation and intimidation shut down choice. Sometimes, the only label we know to put on it is political. Office politics. Family politics.

The Influence Junkie hatches an idea and sets about to confirm the validity of his or her idea by how many people can be talked into jumping on the bandwagon. Having fanned the flame, the influence junkie walks away triumphant -may even forget the idea – while keeping the feeling of victory and leaving in their wake some sensitive and fragile folks feeling obligated. Others are depleted for having had to defer or outright decline.

When you tried to negotiate with me, did you let it dissolve into shame, name-calling or manipulation? If so, you lost a piece of your character and I received a wound. That is not win-win.

When you meant to influence me to see it your way, did you respect my opinion? Or were you meddling? Did you resort to irritation and anger, or infer I was bird-brained, because I did not agree with you?

Keep it positive and we will have a more excellent relationship.

Information and Knowledge influence. Gossip is not the same as Information and Knowledge. Gossip bullies are adept at spreading hoax, rumor and panic. Gossip bullies get overwrought by something they hear on the news or the grapevine. Soaring on the yeast of self-righteousness, the gossip spreads the word and walks away feeling uplifted. They have done their duty for the cause.

Caution: Surgical mask required for great relationships. People around you whose emotional systems have been compromised are struggling to manage depression, other mental illnesses, migraines and high blood pressure. Keep that guard over your mouth.

Healthy influence makes the world a better place.

The outcome of healthy negotiation is win-win.

The value of amassing information and knowledge lies in a deeper understanding.

Influence. Negotiate. Inform. Teach. Refrain from berating – and that will lead to more excellent relationships.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Metaphor, Uncategorized, Work

Caution: Brain Storm Warning

January 27, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

Stand back everybody. I am having a brainstorm. Shelter in place, close friends and family. We never know what sort of cataclysmic result to expect, but one thing is sure; our world will never be the same. Please, oh please, don’t try to stop me or rain on my parade before you have seen the final result of my intellectual fury. In my mind every delectable thought worthy of my attention that wafts its way into my brain needs a thorough analysis and creative planning session to determine the feasibility. I get excited about planning and analyzing and dreaming big.

Are you tired of cloudy weather on your horizon? Ready for a change? Need a breath of fresh air? Here is a tip on seeding the clouds. Follow up on every interesting opportunity that crosses your path. Those opportunities are meant to be whether a particular job opportunity comes to fruition for you or not. What matters is what you learn and think and dream while pursing those opportunities.

Recently, I followed up on a career opportunity that some thought was above me and many others thought was a good fit. I didn’t get the job, but I got plenty of professional respect and experience. Guess what? I get to keep every shred of self-awareness and skill learned in the process. Ruminating on that higher level job has opened new levels of possibility right where I am. More brainstorms. Not only am I richer after a go at it, but my imagination is expanded, my output for my current employment has increased. I am a better manager, a more innovative employee for having jumped outside the box and visited other options in my mind.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Uncategorized

For Better For Worse, For Your Own Good

January 15, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I was one of those people who married in haste and had 11 years to repent at leisure. But, I didn’t repent. Instead I poured every ounce of emotional and physical energy into keeping that relationship alive. I flexed, I smiled, I acquiesced, I became every woman in the world he could possibly desire. It was not enough. He genuinely needed every woman in the world to thrive. Possibly the only position that would have sated his boundless drive was the Oval Office.

When he left, he said it was for my own good. I cried. I pleaded. How could abandoning me be for my own good? All I wanted was for him to love me enough to be loyal. Is that too much to ask? He assured me to the last I was attractive. It was not about me. It did not mean I was unlovable. He was leaving for my own good. During the initial years of separation, I sensed this dimly. The tragedy of sexually transmitted diseases – particularly AIDS- became well known. I escaped. Yes, but, I argued, that would not have been an issue had he committed to monogamy. Besides, what is the use of living disease-free if you are also living love-free?

It is for your own good. As a child, I hated that phrase. In retrospect, I see there were times it was for my good – for my safety. But many times it was for the good of the person in authority – a dominant person insisting he or she was doing it for me, but in reality, getting their own adult way. That’s what I thought my first husband was doing: getting his own adult way.

It has taken me 25 years to understand fully. Yes. It was for my own good.

When I thought I had healed enough, when that first husband had joined himself to another marriage, I felt freedom to love again. So I married. Raised a family. Enjoyed poverty-laced tranquility. Twenty years later, I left. Not because of sexual infidelity. Not due to physical abuse. Because of financial co-dependence and a complete withdrawal of communication and relationship of any sort.

Some will ask, “Where in this scenario is unconditional love? Where the Proverbs 31 concept that a woman will do her husband good all the days of his life?”

Another woman pointedly said, “You need hang in there. Take control. Just tell him how it has to happen. Save that marriage by taking charge.”

But, I knew my man. I knew that his phrase, “I can’t,” however faintly or despondently uttered, was true. I resisted the urge to force him to change into someone he could not be. Nor could I remain in that situation without my knee-jerk reaction of taking responsibility for issues that were not my own. In my removal of myself, I gave him freedom to step up to the plate and take responsibility.

It was for his own good-and for mine-that I leave.

Only then did I understand my first husband. Yes. It was for my own good. He knew himself. He did not have the moral fortitude to change. Rather than make empty promises, he set me free.

I knew myself. It was impossible for me to stay without continually picking up responsibilities that were not my own. Rather than coerce change from my second husband, I walked out, leaving the gate ajar behind me, hoping, hoping, he would follow.

Love allows choices. To allow another person to choose and to take responsibility for their own actions -for better or worse – is for their own good.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Metaphor

I’m Not Going to Die on That Hill

January 5, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I’m not going to die on that hill. Each day decisions are made in the office, in board meetings, in homes. Not everyone agrees with the final outcome. Yet, the team must coalesce – get onboard with the program. In acquiescing, one or more participants may be heard to say, “I don’t agree, but I am not going to die on that hill.” It is the new way of saying, “Choose your battles.” It is the way of peace – maybe even of happiness. I want to live long enough to be happy.

In my previous post, I penned a long-term goal, “I want to die in a beautiful place.” I also conceded most of us don’t actually choose where and when we die.

And so it is with the hill you die on at work or at home. You may flex over and over, you may be cautious and thoughtful in choosing your battles, when someone takes your coat you may offer up your cloak also. Perhaps you will be effective in choosing which hill NOT to die on. And yet, can we really choose the hill we DO die on? In the end you may die on the hill you least expected – die innocently -by some minor slip of the hand – of someone else.

Nevertheless, I aim to choose my battles carefully, to live in a beautiful place, to work in a beautiful place and ultimately – to die in a beautiful place.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being, Travel, Work

I want to die in a beautiful place – The Ghost of Christmas Future

January 1, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I want to die in a beautiful place.

That’s my long-term goal.

Since most of us do not know where or when we will die, I have to make some short term-goals that insure my long-term goal comes to fruition. Therefore;

I want to work in a beautiful place.

I want to live in a beautiful place.

I want to travel and see beautiful places.

I want to be happy.

I want to be at peace.

There were times in the not so distant past when I walked along a beach and said, “Now God? Could I just die now amidst all this beauty?” But that was not to be, so I continue to make sure I frequent beautiful places and take inspiring walks.

Until recently, I was not bold enough to confess that I want to be happy, nor did I realize how much peace and happiness depend on my own choices or actions.

And always, I continue to explore what is meant by love.

I want to die in a beautiful place.

Until then, I want to live a life of love, happiness and peace.

That is going to take much thinking and a good deal of writing.

Onward! To 2015!

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

Solitary, Solitude, Single – Conversations with the Ghost of Christmas Present

December 24, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Ah, ghost of Christmas Present, you are inescapably linked to the Ghost of Christmas Past! Everything in the past informs the present. Even the peanut butter fudge of the past casts an appearance on the waistline of the present. And so, precisely because there were melancholy times in the past, I am alone in the Present.

Yet, precisely because there were good times in the Past, I am melancholy in my aloneness. Ghost of Christmas Present, let us linger for a moment over the fabulous times in memory and why they inform the loneliness of the present. See the children, beautiful, talented, sensitive, intuitive children frolicking in the snow. See them performing in candlelight and on stages; watch as they open a crazy kind of warm winter clothing called cabin cozies in anticipation of acquiring a cabin. See the giggles and hugs and thank yous received for just the right gift – just the right need met with some thoughtful act on Christmas Eve or Morn. Ah, Ghost. Did you even consider that the deep joys of that present would cause the deep yearning of the empty nest?

No. Because, rightly so, we were present in that moment, not straining ahead to the future. Because I was a big part of that planning and anticipation and acquiring of a cabin, two children now have a quaint little cabin in which to make merry for the holidays, though I am no longer included in that merrymaking. Because I had children early in life, I now have grandchildren- and they are near enough to enjoy weekly.

So, Ghost of Christmas Present, what do I want today?

To be present in my life as it is now
To be at peace
To be happy

These are not things you merely wait for, cloistered in your room. Admittedly, there are times I have to make myself go out – make myself take my fun like medicine. To be at peace and to be happy requires large doses of beauty. I needed beauty recently so I made myself go to The Nutcracker. I took time to dress up and I am glad I did even though nobody dresses anymore. The casting was superb, the dancers exquisite, the music soothing. Have you considered what an advantage it is to go out alone, to the symphony, when there is a single seat available front and center?

There have been other successes this year as well. In daily life, I manage a bookstore / gift store – a most covetable position for a writer, author and people-watcher. Over two separate weeks of vacation, I entered heartily into travel, visiting Zion, Bryce, Mesa Verde, Capitol Reef, Arches, Canyonlands, Hovenweep, Canyon of the Ancients, Black Canyon, and Petroglyph National Parks and Monuments. I slept four nights in my Subaru. I hiked all 46 miles of trails in Colorado National Monument as well as trails in the parks mentioned and numerous trails the length of Western Colorado. This is good, for there is nothing quite like hiking for keeping me in the present, at peace and happy – unless it is music.

Music continues to engage me in the present as well as bringing peace and happiness. The public performances have been fewer, the private more numerous. However, the public performances of my three grown children have increased and the young musicians I raise in the present are my grandchildren.

Walk on, weary traveler, in search of truth and beauty. In that way will you find peace and happiness and the ability to be present in your life as it is now.

Cherry Odelberg