In the decade that was my twenties

I just wanted to survive.  I just wanted to die.  I wanted to be a songwriter (published and paid).  I wanted to be married for a lifetime.  I wanted to be the thinnest, most gorgeous babe in the world (in hopes of making my marriage survive). I wanted to scream.  I wanted to play the piano constantly.  I wanted to sing at the top of my lungs forever.  I began to say I would love to have a doctorate.  I wanted to do everything right so I would be successful and comfortable and be able, for just one moment or one day or one week, to let go and relax. So, what did I do?  I survived.  I wrote songs.  I experienced a divorce.  I became dangerously thin.  I gained 20 pounds. I took voice and piano and choir at the college.  I screamed.  I was not able to do everything right.  I was still unable to let go and relax.I