Category Archives: Emotional Health

Thriving Solo: Read

I finished a book yesterday, stayed up late reading it actually, but was unsatisfied with the ending. Does a book have to be satisfying to be a good read? To be time well-spent? Can a poorly written book still have a satisfying ending or a great plot?
There is such a wide difference between classics and chic lit; pulp fiction and historical fiction; a gourmet meal and fast food.
So yes, let’s talk about food. What did you have to eat a moment ago? I had two small muffins and a cup of turmeric tea. Earlier, I had oatmeal – my standard, healthy, go-to breakfast for every day of the year. I don’t indulge in muffins very often, but today felt like a great day for baking – you know – cloudy and isolated. Once every few months I have a hotdog, every four or five weeks I may stop for fast food, but generally, I prefer the healthful, hearty and fresh, savory and nutritious.
My eating habits are a pretty good metaphor for my reading habits. A touch of C.S. Lewis; a dollop of Tolkien; an entrée of Jane Austen; a desert of something modern, maybe Gabrielle Zevin, or Doig or Winspear. Once in awhile I’ll snack on short stories. In between, I might pick up an indie book, or simply a cover that appeals to me or a random Christian women’s fiction book. When I find something that satisfies, I’ll look up the author and go back to her or him over and over. Something unsatisfying, on the other hand, begs to be analyzed. Why is it unsatisfying? What might the author have done differently? How would I rewrite the story? Some stories are so downright disappointing they can only serve as encouragement: If they could find a publisher, so can I. Speaking of me; here is my own intensely personal list of books worthy of a reread – over, and over and over.
Pride and Prejudice
Sense and Sensibility
Emma
Persuasion
Any thing else by Jane Austen
The Space Trilogy (Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, That Hideous Strength)
Till We Have Faces
Anything else by C.S. Lewis
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
The Marquis’ Secret, George MacDonald
The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry, Gabrielle Zevin
The Mapping of Love and Death, Jacqueline Winspear
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, Shaffer / Barrows
Cordelia Underwood, Van Reid
The Girl in the Glass, Susan Meissner
Those are just the re-reads, the must-have books that I cart around with me from pillar to post for times of necessity – like quarantine.
There are many, many good books out there – books I have borrowed and returned, books I have checked out from the library and returned, books I have purchased, read and passed on to someone else.
A pandemic has necessitated that we shelter in place – go ahead – indulge – READ!

Cherry Odelberg, 2015.  Photo by Kevin Decker
Cherry Odelberg, 2015. Photo by Kevin Decker

Thriving Solo: The Stoic

Admittedly, it did take a certain amount of stoicism to weather what she had just been through. Sometimes it is necessary to turn inward to keep your head held high-to rely on yourself and nobody else. Sometimes, life throws you a curve and Stoicism is your own choice. But did you know? the basic idea of Stoicism is: don’t freak out about what you can’t control. Apparently if you do stoicism right, you can thrive.

Silly me. I thought the basic idea of stoicism was to act like nothing is bothering me. To be strong and do everything on my own. To not let anyone know I have feelings. To keep a marble-like unruffled face. In other words: Frozen.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don’t feel; don’t let them know….

But no! Stoicism is much more and so much better than that – and – it’s something you can do alone very well – and thrive. Thankfully, in my isolation, I stumbled on a great article from Raptitude where David Cain referenced Elif Batuman who in turn recommended three major Stoic works, classics by Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius (Epictetus, Aurelius – let them roll off your tongue, add a little rhythm and I feel some new song lyrics coming on….) Hopefully, we will not have quarantine time enough to read these three volumes. So here you go in a nutshell:

  • don’t freak out about what you can’t control
  • divide your moment-to-moment concerns into two bins: the things you can control, and the things you can’t.
  • The first bin is small and it’s the only one for which you are responsible
  • The second bin is the responsibility of the gods – let it go!

From Raptitude: You can feel free to leave the gods’ enormous bin entirely up to them, as long as you do your best to tend to your small bin of personal choices and habits. Of course, the larger bin still affects your life, even though you can’t (and shouldn’t try to) curate it. It contains matters such as when and how you die, how others act, the weather, and the stock market… Obviously we have a stake in how those matters turn out, yet these outcomes aren’t really up to us, and we shouldn’t make ourselves miserable wishing they were. You will be treated unfairly, you will get sick, you will lose everything, and you will die, and the gods (or whatever forces there are) will deliver those fates to you as they please.

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear…

But don’t just read the quote above, click on over to Raptitude and look at the two diagrams. Don’t you feel much, much better now with a manageable sized burden?

The Cry of the Wild

If she took a hike every day of her life, would it be enough? When you hike you learn something new every time; something new about Nature, something new from Science, something novel about people – maybe even something new about yourself.

Better yet, hiking is something you can do alone, solitary, at a proper physical distance during times of quarantine.

It was the seventh day after implementation of proper social distancing in Durango, Colorado. Not the seventh day after discovery of Coronavirus, not the seventh day after cessation of hand-shaking. No one had been shaking hands for two weeks. But it was the seventh day since library and public places closure. It was also a Sunday. and recreators were out in force – albeit, maintaining a six to ten foot social distance between parties – often even persons in the same group.

Blue sky and wispy cirrus clouds were overhead. She had walked a good three miles at a fast pace in the best combination of places; beside running water, through trees and grasses and other vegetation and rocks. She had nodded and waved to passersby from a safe physical distance and tried not to breathe – neither out nor in – when others came too close. She was a good person and always, always tried to obey the rules. And the rules of this beautiful day? Look around you. Breathe deep. Enjoy nature. Be grateful to have landed in this wonderful place. Be at peace. Be healthful. Be restored. Once or twice she pulled out her phone to snap a picture. She wanted to remember. She wanted a record of what Nature whispered.

A guttural bray split the silence some 100 yards behind her. Again it honked, loud, forced, like an angry human deliberately trying to disrupt the stillness and beauty with a manufactured cough. Or did someone need help? She turned.

Have you ever heard the cry of a wild animal in distress? It is an awful bellow. More blood-curdling than the midnight call of a fox on the tail of its prey. She was once awakened in the middle of the night by just such a cry from a rabbit fatally harassed by neighbor dogs. This wild animal was twenty times bigger than a rabbit and ten times louder and whatever this animal was, it was being pursued downriver by another large mammal. The two mammals emerged around the bend like overgrown children playing crack-the-whip, for the animal in pursuit had attached itself to the hindquarters of a doe in flight. Both were kicking and swimming for dear life.

If there was one safety rule she knew, it was not to interfere with nature. She watched. She made sure she was in a protected place behind a tree. Those animals, now only 30 yards away down a riverbank, might separate and escape up the bank, straight at her at any moment. She took out her camera and focused on the harsh realities of nature taking course in the water. Suddenly, two young women appeared around the bend; one at river level in hasty and desperate pursuit of her dog, which turned out to be the pursuing mammal; the other, fifteen feet away at trail level. “What are you doing?” yelled the near woman. “Are you recording this? Delete it right now! Don’t you dare post that!”

She looked up from her phone in surprise, “This is important,” she said mildly.

“No! No it’s not important,” spat the young woman, “put your camera away.”

On the rocky river beach another scene unfolded. Miraculously, the first young woman got hold of her dog, separated and leashed him, handed him over to a seasoned canine owner amongst the bystanders and returned to check on the doe. Meanwhile, a fisherman from upstream had waded quickly through the current and, sportsman that he was, proceeded to do his best to get the doe to solid ground. Others ran to find phone numbers and contact wildlife officials. Someone murmured about fines leveled at dog owners when wildlife is injured.

Feeling not very helpful, she turned and continued her final mile on the trek home. Saddened by Nature. Disappointed by irrational humans. Uplifted by the beautiful day. How she wished she had that fisherman’s rescue on tape. It reminded her of a positive video she once saw online. But alas, though the video button glowed red through the entire incident, the record button was never engaged.

Write! Alone!

Okay folks, we are now in quarantine mode. Do you know what that is? It is The Last Holiday mode. It is use the good china, light a fire in the fireplace, sleep as late as you want, attend to the bucket list, embrace forced retirement mode – – And for goodness sakes, write 2,000 words a day!

WRITE! Writing is up there on my must do daily list – right there with hike and play the piano – right there as an essential activity on the Things You Can Do Solo list. Best of all? It is something else you can do with your hands -before you wash them and after you wash them.

This is what you have lived for, planned for, saved for and longed for time out of mind. Get to it! Pick up that quill. Open that laptop. Write that novel. Write that short story. Write that letter you have been putting off. Address that postcard. Write.

I am not going to tell you to get off the internet because internet is where most of your audience is right now. The libraries are closed. The bookstores are online only.

This was a perfect storm and you are called to navigate it, finally shaken from your lethargy.

Write.

And be ready. The libraries and bookstores and publishing houses will not be closed forever.

Be prepared. Be ready. …Now, where did I put that sidewalk chalk?

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Things you can do solo: Play Piano, Play guitar, Learn a new instrument

It happened so swiftly she didn’t know what hit her. Yet, always prepared, she knew just what to do.

  • Well-salaried position to boxes stacked in a new locale 260 miles distant in 72 hours
  • Final load of earthly goods settled in Durango, Colorado complete in 10 days – including changing horses in the middle of the stream

A sudden move. Yet, she was nothing if not prepared – just not as prepared as she wanted to be. At the age of 65 the concept of retirement had been thoroughly considered, characteristically planned. “Someday,” she said, “I will retire in Ouray. I will write. I will play music. I will hike. I will attend cultural events. I will soak my weary bones in the hot springs daily. Ouray is both my church and my hospital. I will retire and heal.” The best laid plans often go astray. No affordable housing was available in Ouray. Durango-only 74 miles distant-offered refuge; a private place to write, room for musical instruments, plentitude of cultural events, a hub of education, most importantly: hiking trails accessible from the front door.

“I will get a fun job,” she said. “Part time or full time – something to protect my savings account from decimation.”

And then: coronavirus. The churches closed first. Then the schools. Then bars and restaurants. Finally the train. Every last place that promised entertainment or held potential for a fun job: shuttered. Choral groups cancelled concerts. Symphonies ceased to gather for rehearsal. The unemployment rate rose to 30% and continued to climb. But she had learned something in her 65.75 years. Don’t quit on your music. Music is something you can do alone or together. Times of solitude and hibernation are times of preparation. She flexed her 10 fingers and applied them to 88 keys. She added a few new songs to her repertoire, mixing them with the tried and true standards. When she tired of the piano bench, she picked up the guitar – daily – because once you build those callouses you don’t ever want to lose them and start over. And, still having time on her hands, she unzipped – for the first time in five or more years – her bass case. My, my, the interior of that case smelled so good-almost like opening a book – and the strings felt resonant in her hands. No amp, but she is gonna be hot, hot, hot by the time this pandemic is over. Time to revisit the bucket list. What can you do, during isolation, self-quarantine and physical distancing? May she suggest: Play the piano. Play the guitar. Learn a new instrument. Because that’s what people do in times of trouble. They record the times through art. They make music. You got this! Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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Young man pictured playing guitar alone, outdoors, at proper social distance during pandemic

Horizontal bass rediscovered during pandemic
Horizontal bass rediscovered during pandemic

Thriving Solo: Things you can do solo

Today’s episode is titled: Things you can do solo. Here’s a quick list:

  1. Take a Hike
  2. Play the piano
  3. Play the guitar
  4. Read a book
  5. Write a book
  6. Eat healthfully
  7. Keep a healthful schedule
  8. Drink water
  9. Talk to friends and family on the phone
  10. Write letters
  11. Watch a movie
  12. Photography
  13. Fishing
  14. Learn to play a new instrument
  15. Take online instruction
  16. Skate
  17. Skateboard
  18. Bicycle
  19. Deep clean and organize
  20. Reimagine and redesign everything from your wardrobe to your entire life

The first ten items on the list are my daily essentials – in order of importance -things I must do every day to survive mentally and emotionally. Following that are some additional activities I want to explore in the coming days, both alone and through this blog. What can you add to the list? Join me next time when I write about Hiking – keep putting one foot in front of the other!

 

 

 

This Magic Moment

This magic moment, so different and so new, was like any other….and then it happened, it took me by surprise, I knew that you felt it too, by the look in your eyes…

I love the idea of magic moments. May they increase. May you have many magic moments in time. Go ahead, seek them. Chase the magic. Some are lucky enough to experience a magic moment that does, indeed, spark a lifetime relationship. But in my experience, magic moments are not “forever to the end of time.” They are moments. They burst on you unexpectedly. They sparkle. They blaze. They are gone. You return to your day job. Magic, intrinsically, is temporary.

More often than not, my magic moments are associated with the making of music.

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Denim Corsets and Fashion Ennui

Really, was it any surprise when the chest spasms seized her somewhere on the lonely road between Page and Kaibeto? She straightened her posture, took a few measured breaths, felt no constriction and slackened not her pace.

She had been under a lot of stress for the past few days. Leaving a job. Packing a Subaru to the gills. Traveling 260 miles. Return. Repeat. And then of course, the last straw when the Subaru, fully loaded complete with car top carrier, coughed and died and left her renting a U-haul truck and repacking her final load. Nonetheless, repack she did.

She slept and got a fresh start the next morning; showered, pulled on her skinny Levis and flannel shirt so as to look respectable when returning her condo key; sallied forth in a 15-foot truck.

Again a spasm hit and she reflected for a moment on being 65. She had now out-lived her grandmother by 5 months – the maternal grandmother who succumbed to heart disease at 65. She took stock of her vitals again as she continued to drive. No difficulty breathing. No pain in the left shoulder or arm. Refreshing, deep breaths.

She ate an apple – that will keep the doctor away – and wondered if she should be eating anything at all given the spasms. Should you eat before a massive coronary? If you gotta go, massive and instant would be the way to go.

Six more times a contraction hit, a bit like Braxton Hicks, strong enough to make her involuntarily say, “ouch,” and suck in her breath.

Somewhere outside of Shonto she reached down and flipped the latch on her web belt, released the button on her 711s, and relaxed the zipper by two inches.

She hasn’t had a chest spasm since. Denim corsets, who knew?

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An Unexpected Valentine

Have you ever received an unexpected valentine? In her opinion, the unexpected are the best kind. Those early elementary school memories of the excitement leading up to Valentine’s Day are good. First there was the search for just the right packet of heart cards; not too sentimental – one wants to be honest – not infer more than one really means. Then there was the laborious matching of each sentiment to just the right friend or acquaintance. Much angst was added to the labor if valentine cards came in packs of twenty and there were 30 children in the class. Or what about the packs of 24 matching a class of 24 but two of the cards were for teachers? Two! What a waste to the frugal pocketbook. One year a student taped a piece of candy to the back of every card he gave. That was unexpected. Classmates oohed and aahed and whispered in little clusters that he must be rich. Perhaps his father was a doctor? Some years the children were required to bring a card for every student – or none at all. Other years the students could pick and choose; gift a card only to the classmates they actually loved. Those were the years every last valentine in her box was unexpected. Ah, but she loved the crafting of that shoebox into a Valentine’s Day mailbox, even though she knew it was a time and money strain to her parents to help out. The red construction paper, the white doily hearts; She wanted to win, oh how fervently she wanted to win best in the Valentine’s Day box contest. But she was never the cutest, or the most beautiful or even the most unique or creative.

These days, if a valentine card is received it is totally unexpected. Her mother, who used to bake the cookies and write each child’s name on top in frosting; her parents, who once the children were grown and moved away, still insured there was a proper Valentine’s Day card via snail mail; are infirm and immobile.

Now in her mid-sixties, she sat in front of her memory chest – built by her grandfather from pine (not cedar) -and tumbled headlong through the myriad photo shoeboxes right back into 1969. 1969 was a spring of success. Best junior high marching band ever. First junior high concert band to ever be invited to perform before all the music directors in the state of Colorado. The awards, the 1-pluses, the accolades were rolling in.

On the morning of February 14, 1969, she rose, bathed, dressed and along with 69 other symphonic band members, presented herself for breakfast at the Broadmoor Hotel. It was, indeed, a magical Valentine’s Day. At each place waited a red construction paper heart inscribed with a student’s name and a custom chosen sentiment. For instance, the girl who would play the oboe solo later in the day received a card beseeching, “Be there, Beautiful!”

Her own card was rather cryptic, “Only 60 calories.”

She still has no idea what it means – but it was unexpected – it made her welcome – an integral part of the group – a piece necessary to a shared Valentine’s Day experience. Collectively, they were the best, the most unique, the most musically talented 14 and 15 year-olds in the nation.

Happy Valentine’s Day – and may you receive something wonderful – and totally unexpected!

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Christmas is a Trip Down Memory Lane

She reached out her hand to turn the handle, leaned in to give a gentle push with a shoulder, and plunged her face into the donut hole of the fresh wreath on the administrative office door. Suddenly she was falling, falling down the rabbit hole of memory, back more than three decades, to the Christmas she got engaged. Now that was a Christmas to remember! Who needs mistletoe? Evening after evening spent caressing under the Christmas tree -post Christmas show rehearsals – like a cast party of only two. Promises and proposals and a ring followed. Forgotten were his memories of rocky childhood Christmases; redacted her years of rejection before he entered her life.

Pine, spruce, cedar, fir. It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go. All in all, what we love best about Christmas is the trip down memory lane, the nostalgia of Christmases past, the promise of generosity and good surprises. The hope, the belief, that hard times can be suspended for 24 hours – or 48 – or 12 days-or an entire month.

Some Christmases are so rich we forget the tough times that came before. This season, may you forget the tough times that came after as well! Few of us are granted happily ever after. There will be grief and pain of loss.

Here’s the thing about trips down memory lane. You may savor a good memory one instant and the next moment be rear-ended by grief because that person or those good times will never come again.

Consider: “She reached out her hand to turn the handle, leaned in to give a gentle push with a shoulder, and plunged her face into the donut hole of the fresh wreath on the administrative office door. Suddenly she was falling, falling down the rabbit hole of memory,” And those good times are her right – they are a reality – something that really happened – they belong to her as much as any of the negative realities or rippings and tearings of the ensuing 30 years.

Embrace the memories. Let them enfold and warm you. Choose to engrave that small cameo permanently in your heart. Love it. Savor it. Linger over it. Don’t let all the hardship or misunderstanding of following years dull this singular memory.

Here’s to Christmas and many trips down memory lane!

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