This morning as I was walking early to avoid the heat of the day, I had to stop and ask if I was mad at me for being here. I miss the beach and the open sea. I miss seeing mountains and ocean all in the same frame. I miss long meditative walks through a safe quaint town, down by the ferry port and the train station. Yesterday, I got insufferably hot and miserable in the desert heat. There is no one else to blame; but, is there any reason to beat myself up about this? Must there be any whining and blaming?
One of the unquestionable benefits of being alone, is that you alone own your stuff and can do what you want with it. Without considering anyone else, you can buy the style of furniture you prefer, place the furniture where you want, decorate in the color you choose.
This benefit reaches far beyond the mere idea of owning material things. When you are a single adult, you have both the permission and responsibility of making decisions. There is no one else to blame, so you own the outcome of the decisions you make.
Sole proprietorship is a healthy place to be. No bitterness toward others, no excuses, no manipulation, no blame shifting. You make the decisions. You live with them.
Back Story
In November of my eighth grade year, my family moved to Seattle-and I loved it. The following July, we moved back to Grand Junction. Had I been given the choice, I would have stayed in Seattle.
In October of 2010, being completely alone and at liberty, I packed my Subaru and moved back to the Seattle area, settling in Edmonds. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically; I was thriving there. I settled into a nice routine of commuting, writing, working and walking. My intent was to live there forever, traveling often for pleasure and to visit children and grandchildren.
Abruptly in June of 2011, my job ended. I continued to walk and write and job hunt in the Seattle area, also keeping my eye on Colorado.
Job Opportunities
Jobs which caught my interest and showed the most promise seemed to be in areas of investing in the lives of others via education, nurture or organization. Once again, I followed up on Core Knowledge teaching tips, overseas opportunities, nanny vacancies in luxury towns, and personal assistant positions for the rich and famous.
And then it came, a job opportunity that fit like a glove; nurture, nature, organization, travel, homemaking, music, writing and performance-the artsy and the practical all wrapped up in one.
Though this is not the LOCATION I would prefer, I am yet aware of the great opportunity afforded me to invest in the lives of my grandchildren while I continue to facilitate the success of their parents, to pursue music and media in yet another way, to travel, to be close enough to visit my two younger adult children on a regular basis; to have opportunity to write and be myself, to use the gifts and pursue the desires uniquely mine.
Time to seize the day and savor it for all it is worth.
Today, I am thinking about Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s wonderful work; The Language of Flowers (2011), which I have read twice in the past 96 hours. I cannot get over the enduring love, understanding and forgiveness expressed over and over by the supporting characters; nor the deep understanding of human character and personality disorder exposed so profoundly by the writer.
