Category Archives: Goals and Dreams

Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being

I’ll stay until it’s time for me to go. Part 2 of 365 days to live revisited

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_MG_9682redAbout this time last year, I determined to live as though I had been given only 365 days to live. I pointed out:

“I could not afford to waste any time. My bucket list would be overhauled from, “someday I would like to have a Phd. in Music,” to “what information and knowledge do I need, right now, to make better music?”

I love studios, microphones and stages. There were still songs unsung and stages untaken. I wasn’t given time to get there solo; but knew I might get there by joining forces with a few talented friends.

_MG_6469January, February, March, and April were a whirl of music as a quartet formed, blended, melded; musically, spiritually in intimate friendship. We sang for a full day of Valentines – and ate and drank our profits. It was almost magic.

And then abruptly, we dissolved. Too much busyness of life and too much baggage caught up and it was time for me to go.

While singing solo may be daunting; Eighty-eight keys are more manageable addressed by one. I received much needed musical fulfillment from playing over 21 pop/folk piano gigs at local retirement residences. There again, as 2013 advances, I will stay until it’s time for me to go.

Writing, when seen through the lens of 365 days to live, also takes a shift. “I want to be published, and achieve a certain amount of acclaim,” becomes, “I want to write my heart, get it all on paper, for the benefit of those who follow after and the great conversation.”

56294_4756203392394_485641455_oWhile I did more writing in 2012, I am not sure I finished everything that needed to be written.  I cut 20,000 words of raw truth from a 60,000 manuscript and added better fiction; reworking several chapters into short stories. I continued to write for Examiner.com, finding that the shear  exercise and accountability of writing to curséd specifications was growing me as a writer.  For a few days, I was hugely inspired by the idea of re-releasing The Pancake Cat – complete with illustrations by Andrea.  All these dreams may come to fruition in the coming year; along with other completed manuscripts; but they did not reach the finish line in 2012.

We are three days into 2013.  Here I will stay until it’s time for me to go. 

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams

I’ll stay until it’s time for me to go. Part 1 of 365 days to live revisited

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Andy Williams, Elvis Presley and Neil Diamond crooned, “Then I’ll stay, until it’s time for you to go (Buffy Sainte-Marie).”  Though I am a tenaciously loyal soul, this has been my chosen motto and mission this year.

It is one thing to commit, in marriage, for life.  Quite another to commit wholeheartedly when you don’t know how long the life of a project, activity or job may be.  I am learning, ever so slowly, to hold things loosely, not to base my dreams, goals, or life on any one particular outcome, event or circumstance; not to control the response of another.

I am learning that you cannot force the outcome with relationships; job, social, spiritual, even love.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image (Thomas Merton)”

One of the ways I let those I love – including me (because how can you love your neighbor as yourself if you don’t love yourself well enough?) – be perfectly themselves; one of the ways I remember to hold jobs and opportunities loosely; is to go about humming quietly:

tongue in cheek“Don’t ask why,

Don’t ask how

Don’t ask forever…

I’ll stay until it’s time for me to go.”

Elvis, Neil Diamond, Andy Williams; they sang so convincingly.  Now, the task is to convince myself.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Metaphor, Photos, Poetry and Prose, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Survive or Thrive? Putting my house in order

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Cherry Odelberg, November 2011

The fall weather is beautiful.  It makes me want to set my house in order, get rid of the chaff of a lifetime, prepare for a cozy and uncluttered winter. At the approach of 2012, I made it my goal to live the year as though it was all I had been given, a gift of 365 days to thrive or survive.  I have survived, stabilized, reached a rhythm of contentment where I love my life and am mostly free of worry.  Yet, in the remaining two months, I want to thrive.  There are still things to do, places to go, people to see; even as I tuck everything in for the winter. I want to finish strong. Though it is not baseball season, I would love to knock one out of the park before the year’s end. A home run, a victorious finish, that’s what I want. How about you?  Are you exhausted by the time of year or exhilarated by the time of year? I want to align with Caleb:

Mt Garfield from Holy Cross

Give me this mountain!

‘Tho my sight is gone my vision has not dimmed.

Morrow Lake Trail

Give me this mountain,

And renew my strength to mount on eagles wings.

For I have seen you miracles and I believe your promises,

I have run the race, and in your name I now obtain the prize!

Give me this mountain,

One more thing before I die,

Hermits Rest, Morrow Lake

One more chance to prove your promises,

One more war to wage for right,

One more race to run with you right there by my side.

There’s been fire by night and clouds by day,

Manna eaten along the way,

Dry land where the sea had been,

And water from a rock to meet my need.

Morrow Dam Lake

Give me this mountain!

Tho a valley lies beside it,

And Jordan River bound s the other side.

Give me this mountain!

Let me conquer while the young men stand in awe.

I have lived to see this moment and from the highest peak I’ll cry,

Independence Monument, late summer inversion, 2012

“Give me this mountain!

And in peace;

Let me die!”

Cherry Odelberg 1995  (the irony of this date is not lost on me, I was 40 years old when I wrote these lyrics and first recorded the accompaniment)

Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Wealth and Fame

Money makes me happy

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When money makes me happy, should I feel shallow?

Money makes me happy.  Oh, I know that money can’t buy happiness, yet, over the years, I have noticed that having a little makes me happy. When I acknowledge this, I feel shallow, superficial, frivolous; because we all know this is wrong.  For instance:

The love of money is the root of all evil.

You can’t serve God and mammon.

Money isn’t everything.

But;

Money buys events

Money can buy the opportunity to be with your friends socially.

Money is what we give the utilities company and landlord to keep the bill collectors at bay.

Could it be it is the events, the friends, that make me happy?

Perhaps the happiness comes from the security of being able to pay my bills this month.

I stopped feeling guilty about being happy over money when I realized the truth of these words by Tony Robbins:  “Progress equals happiness.”

I found that small gem of wisdom, as well as the one that follows,  on Michael Hyatt’s blog site, Intentional Leadership.

According to Dr. Timothy Pychyl, writing in Psychology Today:

… the successful pursuit of meaningful goals plays an important role in the development and maintenance of our psychological well-being. To the extent that we’re making progress on our goals, we’re happier emotionally and more satisfied with our lives.” (Dr. Timothy Pyschyl, Psychology Today)

I should not feel guilty that money makes me happy any more than I feel superficial that good grades make me happy.  Both are a sign of hard work, achievement and progress toward my goal. It is time to be more satisfied with my life.

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Photos, Travel, Uncategorized

As I approach my birthday

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Cherry Odelberg

A couple of days ago during a spontaneous dinner conversation about familial love and responsibility, my seven year old grandson reassured his parents not to worry, “Grandma Cherry will take care of you when you get old.”  I am Grandma Cherry.  I am glad he feels I am up to the task. His comment also gives insight into my personality strengths and weaknesses and how I am viewed by others. Seeking clarity, I asked him, “What age is a person when they are old?”  “Oh,” pondered he, “about 90.”

“In that case,”  I said, “I will be about 117 when your daddy gets old (in actual fact, I will be 109). Do you think I will be able to take care of him?”

In a few more days, I will turn – – another year older.  I have grandchildren ages 2,4,7 and 9.  I have grown children ages 21, 23, and 29 for the ninth time.  I chase my grandchildren, pick them up, swing the younger ones into the air and walk four miles every day I get the chance. I color my hair with my DIL and jam with my rock band offspring whenever I am welcome – but, I am no spring chicken. So last night it came as a mild surprise once again when the same grandson said, “Grandma Cherry,” you’re not old.

“Why do you think I am not old?”  I asked.  “Because you don’t have wrinkles,” he replied.  This, in the face of the fact that he is often fascinated by my moles and age spots.

Grandchildren with Grandma Cherry. Photo credit, Kevin Decker 2011

Like a true baby-boomer, I don’t always act my age, nor do I want to grow old.  There are still things to do, people to see, places to go. I long to travel, but travel costs money.  To earn money requires time; time that would otherwise be used on those same people to see and places to go. In addition to writing online, I make my daily bread at the delightful task of teaching piano lessons to six students and tutoring three others.  Recently, I added a seasonal job at our local Colorado National Monument – a huge tourist attraction.

While congratulating me on such a inspiring job, my good friend asked, “Aren’t there other National Parks you could visit and support yourself at the same time by working there?”

Yes.  What a great idea.  There are 397 National Parks.  If I chose the best in each of the 50 states and worked a different one each summer season – – I don’t have that many summers left.  Even with my youthfulness, I am getting old.  I have a birthday next week.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

Regarding a rock and a hard place and blooming where you are planted

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I once bought a bag of wildflower seed from the garden department of a big box store. Taking them home to my mountain cabin, I paused to read the directions while ripping open the bag:  Prepare seeds by soaking overnight.  Prepare soil by loosening with a rake.  Make a small trench about 1/4 inch deep.  Distribute seeds evenly the length of the trench.  Gently press down soil over the seeds.

You’re kidding me, right?  These are wildflower seeds. That is an acre of land.

Pinyon pine growing out of the rock, February 2012

I have always been a little suspicious of theories that say you absolutely cannot move on to the next level until you have fulfilled all the criteria of the place you find yourself. Take Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, for example.  I have observed that some people get stuck in one level, they say things like, “I can’t possibly move forward  until all my needs are met.”  Yet, there have been leaders and achievers throughout history who, finding themselves deprived of some basic needs were still able to move forward and succeed. I admit, water and air are non negotiable, but there seems to have been some flexibility concerning the need for food, sleep, and security. These were savvy souls who knew, not just how to bloom where they were planted, but how to thrive no matter the circumstances.

Once again, I find myself between a rock and a hard place.  Moving forward is required.  Yet, the expectation of fulfillment of my needs must be pared down.  Earlier this year, before the advance of spring, as I went out walking to contemplate my options, I came upon  a wonderful visual affirmation. It struck me so forcefully that I went back home for my camera and made an extra trip just to snap the picture. Sure this is a native desert tree-a pinyon pine.  But please notice, it is growing out of a rock!  There was little to no soil in which to sprout in the first place and rainwater is very infrequent. Yet, the seed took root and continues to thrive.

Cherry Odelberg enjoying an inspirational walk

I have some questions about how I got here in the first place.  I don’t know how I have survived this long on increasingly less.  Money and love and security may be in short supply, but, hey, there is plenty of sunshine.  I intend to thrive between the rock and the hard place. Not being a pinyon pine, I might even bloom where I am planted.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being

Change happens on the trails of life

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What a shock when a familiar path is obliterated; when you arrive at a well known trailhead and someone has covered the tracks – intentionally.  Covered the tracks so well with brush strewn here, rocks stacked there, water thrown like rain on loose soil, that you do not recognize the landmarks for the hike you took less than a week ago.

Consider that this is a well trod route, the walk you have taken at least once a week for several months.  Further, it is the most direct walking route to something you prize.  It is the cutoff to where your family lives.  In a pinch, you could walk the way in the moonlight, so well do you know it.

Now, everything has changed. It’s not that you didn’t know change was coming. Your curiosity and adventurous spirit led you to explore bits and pieces of the new trail as you saw the preliminary flags.  You walked the line, never sure you were really entitled to be there, always looking over your shoulder for some angry landowner that had staked claim. But those first indicators were months ago.  The flags went away. Besides, you were never able to see the way clear to where the new trail and the old were to intersect; how to get from here to there.

Not so today.  Today you were jolted from reverie by the realization that you were walking on newly blazed trail. So mind jarring was the realization as you plodded in the freshly disturbed soil, you retraced your steps just to see where you left the old familiar path.  It was hard to find.  That was when you accepted that you were meant to walk the new path.  The old way had been intentionally covered over; covered over by someone in charge.  You were not to go the old way any longer.

It’s time now, to take a little different path to your family, perhaps even to your destiny.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being

Follow your heart – trip over opportunity

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There is nothing quite like a career change or a job hunt to raise the internal debate of  Heart vs. Head.“Follow your head, not your heart!” scream the practical voices, bent on success.“Follow your heart, not your head!” sooth those to whom love is paramount.  So which is it? For most of my life, I have been able to argue both sides to an issue and come to an impasse with myself – without anyone else having to voice an opinion.

heart

It is such a perilous thing to follow one’s heart.  So risky. I mean, that’s your heart out there leading. It could get broken, smashed, stabbed. At the very least, you will expose your soul, become vulnerable. You will cry and you will feel like dying.  What if?  What if I follow my heart and it turns out it is just my imagination? My own rebellious nature?  Now here’s an argument to put fear in the mind of those raised with an overabundance of rules, religion, and regulation:  What if I follow my heart and it turns out to be my own evil desires and lusts?

brain

Following your brain seems like such a responsible thing to do.  It is equally perilous to your self-esteem to follow your brain, not your heart.  If you think it through deeply, if you follow every bit of logic you can muster, weigh the possibilities, twice think through the outcomes, then it is your intelligence you are trotting out there for the world to see, your credentials. Should you fail, you will be labelled for all time as “stupid.” And for the deeply religious and legalistic, again, a trump question:  When you follow your brain, are you just following your own willful nature?

Follow your whims?  Let your brain govern your heart?

So, I can only report what has happened to me.  I have often followed my brain with the result that I became overly responsible. Taking to heart the message that God (or your Higher Power) tells you what to do, but gives you the responsibility of figuring out how to do it, I push and scramble. I try to make it happen – to force outcomes. Like Abraham’s Sarah, I know God promised me a child; so I go find a surrogate mother.

Looking back over my life, the really great jobs have come from times I followed my heart, did what I was created to do, those things in which I found joy; and in the process – I tripped over opportunity. Yes, I say, “follow your heart,” but with this caveat:  make sure you have enough brain, skill and preparation to take hold of the root of opportunity when it trips you.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Poetry and Prose

Write!

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I took my usual course of action and went for a walk.

Life had taken an unexpected turn, so I stressed;

And questioned;

What now?

Clear and unmistakable;

Concise as one word;

Came the answer.

WRITE.

Still, I continued to question.

Who will I write for?  Who will buy my stuff?

What? What am I supposed to write?

When will I find time to do this if I am frantically trying to make a living?

Where am I supposed to write if I am homeless?

Why is this happening to me?

Then came another one word answer:

YES.

What kind of answer is yes?

Asked I, in near desperation.

Yes what?

Who

What

When

Where

Why

How

Yes, that’s write.

Simple.

Concise.

Yet, to my human emotions, so complex.

 Cherry Odelberg, January 30, 2012
Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Home and Hearth, Music and Theatre, The Petty Pace, Uncategorized

Spit-shined boots

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Woah! Spit-shined boots! This is my own private cliché. This is my exclamation when I experience that darkest moment that is just before dawn and I know by experience I will soon see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Spit-shined boots happened to me again this morning. In my capacity as the new member of Musique, I was diligently, and exuberantly, rehearsing the tenor part for a song that has become one of my favorites. I have thought for a week now that I had the notes down and the memorization in the bag; yet, as I sang with confidence, I began messing up here; forgetting a word over there. Suddenly, the light dawned. Yes! Spit- shined boots!

I learned about spit-shined boots in 1972, from my first husband who was a stract trooper, in the army. Basically, this means he was strict about every last detail of appearance and behavior. Infatuated, starry-eyed, young bride that I was; I sat with him weekly as he spit-shined oxfords and boots. Under his instruction, I learned to do the process myself. Cotton ball, Kiwi, water. Kiwi, water. Kiwi water. Water. Kiwi water. water. My shoulders ached, my eyes were glazed. Just when I was exhausted, he would say, “more water.” Ah, I could see the shine developing under the cotton ball! We were almost done! Then, he would say, “more Kiwi.” The first time this happened, despair came crashing down on me. I so wanted to be done with it. With experience, I came to understand that more Kiwi did not mean I was starting over. More Kiwi is the final polish before the dazzling shine.

The tough moments in life; the times I have already invested too much to go back, but I despair of ever seeing the success of completion? Those are the times I encourage myself with spit-shined boots!