Category Archives: Goals and Dreams

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

One Year To Live

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As far as I know, I am in excellent health for a fifty year old – and I’m 57. But, think

With my daughter, Thanksgiving 2011

with me for a few minutes; what would change in my life if I was told I had one year to live? Gone would be the long-term goals. In their place, would remain stark priorities; things that could realistically be completed in 12 months if I stepped up the pace. I could not afford to waste any time. My bucket list would be overhauled from, “someday I would like to have a Phd. in Music,” to “what information and knowledge do I need, right now, to make better music?” “I want to be published, and achieve a certain amount of acclaim,” becomes, “I want to write my heart, get it all on paper, for the benefit of those who follow after and the great conversation.” Suddenly, it would be clear to me exactly what I wanted to do and what was important.
People who have only a year to live spend lots more time with family. They renew old friendships and polish up their relationships, making sure all those stories that need to be told are told; that all the words that need to be said are said; that all the missing pieces are put in place. I want to make sure to fulfill my mission, complete my calling, fulfill my heart’s desire, keep my soul in excellent heath by performing lots of music, walking, writing; and reading what philosophers and sages have written. If I had only a year, I would want to maintain good health and an attractive appearance, so that I might go out with a bang, sail into port grandly. To that end, I will cut my hair, iron my clothes, choose my wardrobe carefully. But, one year is not long enough for braces or facelifts. I want to invest in life-long friendships and loving and tending of family. There is no time to waste on pursuing or flirting with new relationships.

I will endeavor to live 2012 as though it is my last year. I will invest more time and soul in family, music, writing, spiritual and emotional health, and friendships. While I want to live as though I have been given only a year; I am not one who can live as though there is no tomorrow. Inevitably the doing of these things – travel to be with family for milestones and memories, daily needs of food and shelter- present financial challenges.
I want to be about the business of putting my house in order; settling my debts; reconciling my accounts; mending fences. A year of life is short. There will be challenges. Never-the-less, I have decided to live 2012 as though it is my one and only year to live.

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Travel

Merry Christmas – It’s been a year

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A year ago, I was living 1100 miles away from where I am today, working as a checker at Safeway in north Seattle, Washington. I was also writing on the side, practicing my keyboard in my cousin’s guest bedroom, and walking two blocks to the library six out of seven days a week to check my email, job hunt, and keep up with my friends on facebook.

A lot can change in 365 days.  I am now living in a beautiful little adobe house on the edge of public lands and walking trails, a few miles outside of Grand Junction, Colorado.  I am working full-time as a family focused personal assistant. I am self-employed, ideally suited to be a personal assistant both by education and experience; and my current client is very dear to me.

The people I work with

 But, what about the 365 days in-between?

In January, I went to work for a medical anatomical laboratory as a lab assistant, moved to a charming studio apartment in Edmonds, Washington; fell in love with the sea and decided to stay there forever. I took dance classes with my cousins and some friends I had known since junior high.  Eventually, I stumbled on a senior citizen band and became the piano player by default. It had always been my plan to fly my children up to visit and maybe interest them in collaborating on some sort of music business.  Or, maybe, I would just make enough money to travel to see them all the time. Abruptly, in June, my job came to an end. Not wanting to leave, I began beating the streets for get-by jobs, and interviewing for positions in my area of interest. My son Kevin; hearing that I was going back for a third interview at a preschool in need of a music teacher; communicated that he was in need of a personal assistant whose duties would encompass preschool, childcare, photo/video shoots, and various music business. Once again, I packed all my belongings in my Subaru (and on top) and drove the 1100 miles back to Colorado. Being a family focused personal assistant to a music and media oriented client is a perfect fit. Like any good personal assistant, I simply keep things organized and do all the things Kevin would be called on to do around the home and office if he were not out serving clients and making money. When he has a shoot out-of-town, and decides to take his wife Sarah as assistant; I stay round the clock instead of going home at night. If Sarah is doing books, I entertain the kids. If Sarah is engaged with the kids, I go assist with the video shoots or take care of office filing.

The most memorable highlight of the year was our family working vacation to Southern California. Andrea managed a week off college.  Philip flew from Ft Collins to Las Vegas to join us.  We spent five days together at a beach house in Dana Pointe.  And we…took a lot of pictures, of course! What a grand vacation with all three of my children and all my grandchildren.

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Home and Hearth, Uncategorized

The baby turns 21

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Philip at 18several months. c

My baby is turning 21. In many ways, he has been behaving like an adult for several months.  He has his own house share, friends and a job.  For transportation, he rides a bicycle several miles to work.  Though he has not lived under my care for over two years, I still worry over him.  The other day, finding he was about to ride his bike to work in the snow, and feeling helpless from a distance of 400 miles, I urged, “Well, wear a helmet then; or, or do something safe.”  He laughed.

How can you know, when you send your boy off to college, whether he will come back to you and live in your nest; or whether you have released him forever and he will never be your little baby again?

How can you grasp, when he packs his unique clothes, his skateboard and guitar in his car; hugs you and goes out the door; that everything you have done for the past 18 years; every opportunity you have provided, every event taxi you have driven, every long philosophical conversation, every creative project; has been preparing him to go away from you? To be an adult?  To be independent?  To not need you.

Over the weeks and months, it begins to sink in. You start to acknowledge. If he wants to see you, it is because he wants to spend time with you for who you are, not because he needs you for life sustenance. He has learned to take responsibility for himself.

If he comes under your roof again, it will be because he wants to; not because he needs you. If he dines at your table, rests his head on your pillows, and snuggles in the quilts and bed of his childhood, it will be because he chooses to be there, not because of your authority or manipulation.

If he calls for advice, it is because it is your particular view and voice he wants to hear; not because he desperately needs counsel.  He has made a few quality friends over the years.  He speaks with grace and respect, adult to adult, with all those he meets-including you. He takes responsibility for his own support, housing, food. Maybe these character traits, now visible,have to do with the opportunities you were able to give him.

Watching a son become an adult is both a joyful and melancholy occasion.  You somehow feel you ought to be there; ought to be a big part of his life and celebration.  After all, you were a super big player in his birth 21 years ago.

Yet his desire to spend time with you for who you are, his mother, for better or worse; will have a lot to do with the relationship you formed with him for those 18 years you were together. It may hinge on whether you were able to accept him for who he was, to find and further his dreams and goals rather than locking him into your own.  He will like to visit with you because you like and accept who he is and who he is meant to be.  Because, if you have done your job thoroughly; he certainly will not need you to pamper or provide.

July 2010 Ft. Collins
Family vacation San Clemente October 2011
Character, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Photos, Spiritual Well Being

When Debris Becomes Life

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I love to walk. I loved to walk on the beach when I lived in Edmonds, Washington last year.

As I walked on the beach at low tide, I would see interesting debris; things the tide had washed in and then left stranded on the sand or rocks. Besides the usual crabs and kelp, there were empty soda bottles, food containers. Those didn’t stay long.  Either the tide washed them back out, or community minded folk who have adopted the beach strolled by and picked them up, delivering them to the proper recycle receptacle.

There are other relics on the beach; random poles not seen at high tide, remnants of piers and docks that used to be, which are no longer serviceable as anything but roosts for eagles and momentary resting places for seagulls.

From time to time, I saw some rubber gasket like things, about eight inches in diameter.  These were strewn randomly, sometimes caught between two well worn rocks, or half buried in sand.

There is an upscale marina located in the area, I took these halved donuts to be bits of boat or dock protective bumper apparatus.  How careless, thought I, in an otherwise well maintained marina and port; these things are not collected and recycled or tossed. A few times, I thought of asking someone, but just never got around to it.  

Early in July, I was able to attach myself to a noon hour, ranger guided tour of the beach at very low tide. It was here I learned that the supposed gaskets I had been observing were actually egg cases for the Moon Snail. When the Ranger told us this, I thought she was joking; pulling a seaside equivalent of a snipe hunt on us; particularly me, a born and bred inlander, newly arrived at the sea. Further research proved this to be a bonafide bit of marine biology information.

And now, I cannot help but wonder, how many things have happened in my life that I have considered debris, trash; that were actually life giving? How many jobs, friendships, or challenges have I tossed and recycled before they were hatched? How many times have I said, “God, you must be joking!”  When I was staring at a golden opportunity?

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

All my prayers get answered, all my dreams come true — for other people

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I feel like all my prayers are being answered and all my dreams are   coming true–for other people.  And, it makes me smile. It is cause for happiness, celebration and joy. What a wonderful feeling to know these things are possible; that education, hard work, sacrifice and focus really do pay off.

The ancient prophecy of Joel promised, “I will restore to you the years the worm has eaten.”  I was jubilant recently, when I witnessed the relational and material successes of a close friend whom I know has slogged through tough times and emotional pain.

The fact that other folks have received things I desire, is not grounds to covet, envy, or resent. It is grounds for celebration.  At times, I am tempted to ask what I have done wrong. Why are all my dreams and longings being answered in the lives of other people, but not in mine?  Maybe so they can be a blessing to me.

Over the past 12 months, I have been privileged to spend numerous days in the homes of various relatives whom material success has smiled on.  Yes, faithful dependable work and sensible investment have paid off, and they are more than willing to share hospitably. Recently, I spent 36 hours of R and R at a cousin’s.  Retired, yet youthful; she and her husband have just used the first two years post retirement to design and build their dream home.  I could soak in her claw foot bathtub, or the hot tub; write in the impeccably decorated guest apartment; or drink in the open landscape forever, while waiting on my dreams and answers.

Yes, recently, I have noticed that all my prayers are being answered — all my dreams are coming true– for other people.  I aim to celebrate and enjoy all their successes to the limit while I wait patiently for mine.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Uncategorized

Owning Alone

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This morning as I was walking early to avoid the heat of the day, I had to stop and ask if I was mad at  me for being here. I miss the beach and the open sea. I miss seeing mountains and ocean all in the same frame. I miss long meditative walks through a safe quaint town, down by the ferry port and the train station. Yesterday, I got insufferably hot and miserable in the desert heat.  There is no one else to blame; but, is there any reason to beat myself up about this? Must there be any whining and blaming?

One of the unquestionable benefits of being alone, is that you alone own your stuff and can do what you want with it.  Without considering anyone else, you can buy the style of furniture you prefer, place the furniture where you want, decorate in the color you choose.

This benefit reaches far beyond the mere idea of owning material things.  When you are a single adult, you have both the permission and responsibility of making decisions.  There is no one else to blame, so you own the outcome of the decisions you make.

Sole proprietorship is a healthy place to be.  No bitterness toward others, no excuses, no manipulation, no blame shifting.  You make the decisions.  You live with them.

Back Story

In November of my eighth grade year, my family moved to Seattle-and I loved it.  The following July, we moved back to Grand Junction. Had I been given the choice, I would have stayed in Seattle.

In October of 2010, being completely alone and at liberty, I packed my Subaru and moved back to the Seattle area, settling in Edmonds. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically; I was thriving there. I settled into a nice routine of commuting, writing, working and walking. My intent was to live there forever, traveling often for pleasure and to visit children and grandchildren.

Abruptly in June of 2011, my job ended.  I continued to walk and write and job hunt in the Seattle area, also keeping my eye on Colorado.

Job Opportunities

Jobs which caught my interest and showed the most promise seemed to be in areas of investing in the lives of others via education, nurture or organization. Once again, I followed up on Core Knowledge teaching tips, overseas opportunities, nanny vacancies in luxury towns, and personal assistant positions for the rich and famous.

And then it came, a job opportunity that fit like a glove; nurture, nature, organization, travel, homemaking, music, writing and performance-the artsy and the practical all wrapped up in one.

Though this is not the LOCATION I would prefer, I am yet aware of the great opportunity afforded me to invest in the lives of my grandchildren while I continue to facilitate the success of their parents,  to pursue music and media in yet another way, to travel, to be close enough to visit my two younger adult children on a regular basis; to have opportunity to write and be myself, to use the gifts and pursue the desires uniquely mine.

Time to seize the day and savor it for all it is worth.

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Poetry and Prose

Belated for Father’s Day

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Young Dad;

Seriously clad;                                                         

Riding a bike with a baby.

Baby asleep;

State of art seat;

Lulled by the sunshine and motion.

Responsible fun;

Naptime done;

Goals accomplished through memory making.

(Happy Father’s Day, 2011, Cherry Odelberg)

Addiction, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules, Uncategorized

Writing Women’s Fiction

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If I am perfectly groomed; then you will love me.

If I do everything you ask; then you will love me.

If I am a nice enough person; then you will love me.

If I provide for you, because of all I’ve done for you; then you will love me.

If I take care of you, meet your every need; then you will love me.

If I sacrifice for you, lay aside my dreams and desires to help you meet your dreams; then you will love me.

If I do my job and your job too; then you will love me.

I love happily ever after endings.  A happy ending gives me hope. I too, might someday experience fulfillment.  But, the way to achieve that happy ending is not through living women’s fiction.  Living the women’s fictions written above will make you crazy.  That kind of fiction ends on the counselor’s couch, working through resentment, despair and depression.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

The waves are only a metaphor

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This morning, I decided to seize the sunshine, as it attempted to break through the clouds. I let it draw me to the beach where the tide was out further than I had ever seen it; after being higher than ever a mere 10 days ago.  The rocks were still wet and slippery, so I chose my path carefully.   Never-the less, as I hiked along the rocks from beach to beach; the closer I got to my goal, so nearer and more threatening came the waves, until 20 yards from safety, they were at a peak and I could no longer turn back. This, too, is a metaphor for my life. I have finished one job and am on the brink of another-by choice.  What will my future hold? Sandy beaches?  Slippery rocks?  More choices and decisions?

At one point this morning, I chose flat sand in place of slippery boulders.  I waited for the ebb and flow of lapping waves, knowing that a miscalculation on my part would soak me to the ankles – this in winter, and at the most distant point from home and hearth. I stepped, and stepped again, and did not slip nor did I get wet past the soles of my walking shoes. “I will go forward,” I said.  “I will make choices and calculations.  I will step into the water. I will reinvent myself.  If I do not like the result, I will dry my shoes and socks by the fire and begin again.”

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Needs, Wants and Answered Prayers

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It is important to have needs and wants; and to be able to identify them. How else will you know when your needs are met? How else will you know if you got what you wanted-or if a prayer was answered?

For too long I was timid and lazy about this. Rather than coming boldly to the throne of that Higher Power, rather then knocking on the door insistently, repeatedly, until my needs were met and prayers answered; I simply waited, timid and needy, saying to myself, “God knows what my needs are before I ask. My God will supply all my needs. I will know it is a true need, not just a frivolous selfish desire; when the need is met.”

Like everyone else, I have the basic need for food, shelter, and love. I want to be successful enough to feed, shelter, and love others with material provision, too. But it seems I get the cart before the horse a bit if I am straining to do these things for others, but I am still engaged in self-neglect, self-hate, and a homelessness of soul.

I want to take care of myself, to provide for my needs, and to have enough to share with others. I want to love myself grandly, so I can love others as I love myself. These are my identified needs, goals and prayers. I will know when they are answered.

Need, Want or Answered Prayer?