Category Archives: Goals and Dreams

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Life Lessons Learned While Walking

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When you start out walking late, a few clouds can be a good thing. There’s a metaphor for life in there somewhere, I think.

Cloudy days held mystery and intrigue when I was young, but it seems the older I get, the more I love sunshine. Nevertheless, in the heat of summer, a few clouds are a good thing.  Here’s something else I learned while walking:  the most beautiful path is not the easiest. Put differently, just because a path is the most beautiful, and in taking it you have made a right choice, it does not follow that the path will be easy.  Indeed, my beautiful path this morning was quite rocky and difficult and even dangerous for the inexperienced or unprepared.

 I had chosen a new location to add variety to my walk. Only one other car was parked at the trailhead and I did not see another human for the next 60 minutes. The solitude was welcome. One thing I have learned about walking is that it is a component of my mental, emotional and spiritual health as well as my physical health. Often, when I walk, I have a specific question or challenge in mind.  Today’s question was a choice: 

Do I want to be a writer strongly enough to be willing to live with my parents until I establish an income; verses; Do I value my independence and solitude deeply enough to warrant seeking a job that steals from my writing time, but insures my independence?

 Straightaway, as I began the ascent of Eagle’s Wing, my thoughts started coalescing, forming sentences and turning phrases that would become chapters in my book, explanations and histories for why my characters are created thus. A couple of short commentaries, essays of human interest fell into place. I could hardly wait to get back to my desk and write while the ideas were fresh. Was this, then, the answer I was seeking? 

The trail veered ever farther toward the left, then righted, and took me through beautiful desert boulders and vegetation; along a ridge still cooled by sunrise shadows.  Soon, I began to wonder if my question was moot. Perhaps it did not matter whether I wrote or lived independently. Perhaps I would never get back. My writing inspiration took a turn toward children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. It turns out Eagle’s Wing is not a loop.  Neither is Holy Cross. It might take me an extra 10 miles to get back to my car.

I am usually obedient to the posted signs. Not once did I leave the trail.  Nor did I ever lose sense of where my car was located.  It’s just that the trail did not go directly to the car. The terrain as the crow flies was much too rugged to traverse.

In order to stay on the trail, one must walk forward, or retrace the steps taken in error.  This too, is a metaphor for life. When you mount up on eagle’s wings, do not expect to take a leisurely soar and boomerang to square one.  Nor is the way of the cross circular.

Addiction, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Freudian Slip?

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If someone had asked why I was walking at 7:30 this morning, my ready answer was, “To seek the will of God; and I don’t care how long it takes me to find it.”  To meditate, to pray, to seek the will of a Higher Power is the eleventh of the 12 steps. It is a tenent of Faith; as is asking for the energy to carry through on the guidance received.

What did I mean, exactly, by the phrase, “I don’t care how long it takes me to find it?”  Am I really patient enough to plod onward, composed and serene for an undefined period of time?  Or was I subconsciously thinking, “Take your time God.  I’m in no hurry to know your will.  I’m not done mucking about here, not quite ready to focus on moving forward?”

What I intended, was that I was prepared to walk until I got clarity.  I was hoping for clarity for a lifetime.  What I got was clarity for a day.  Perhaps that is enough.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, The Petty Pace, The Rules

A Parable

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I am resolved not to haul anyone else up the mountain. Not to carry them, not to drag them, just to go up the mountain myself; baggage free. “What do you mean, you will not carry anyone up the mountain?” asked my pastor. “Let me tell you a parable,” I replied.

When I was young I saw a beautiful mountain in the distance. I could tell by the way it was shaped, where its craggy rocks were and where the purples met the greens, that this was my mountain.  This was the mountain I was meant to climb in life. When I was still in the single digits I began to prepare to climb that mountain. My parents chose the proper instructors. I trained diligently.  I received accolades for my progress and criticism to address my weaknesses.  By and by I set out on my journey toward the base of the mountain. When I had gone some distance and was becoming stronger and quite adept at orienteering, I met a tall stranger wandering in a high mountain meadow. I did not know at the time that he was wandering.  It was a busy meadow, profuse with wild flowers and the buzzing of bees. Several trails converged, crossed and separated in the meadow. The stranger was pleased to walk with me for awhile. When we came to the final fork in the road, I bid the young man adieu and headed confidently up my chosen path. “Wait a minute!” called the stranger, “I am coming with you!”

“Oh, have you trained for this mountain, too?” I asked in wonderment. “I haven’t had any specific training for this particular path,“ he replied, “I just have a feeling I should go here, and, as you can see, I am genetically fit to climb this mountain.  I want to climb this mountain.  In this case, desire is the important thing.”  We traveled together for quite some time.  He was an amiable companion   Because he was tall and muscular, he often led and blazed the trail.  Once or twice we disagreed when I took the initiative and started off in a different direction.  “Come back!” he called, “Let’s go this way!”

“The map I received in my training says this is the right way,” said I.

“What does it matter?” he argued.  “You don’t have to stick with the map. Maps are often rigid and tell you only one way.  I can make a short cut through this brush in no time and make a new path for us.”  The second time disagreement arose he just said, “Well, if you will give me the map, then I can lead us the right direction. I’ll give it back by the time you need it.”  A few days later he asked for my compass too, saying, “I’m not sure which way is north.”  I showed him how to read the map and use the compass.

At night we sat around the campfire watching the flickering flames.  “I want to be standing on top the mountain already, waving at people,” he sighed wistfully.  “I wonder if the extra weight of this compass is slowing me down?  The map seems to be taking us the long way around.”

 I woke early, but waited around for him the next morning.  Somehow it just seemed normal that we travel on together.  He was slow waking up and when he rose it was with a limp. “My knee is starting to bother me, will you lend me your walking stick?”  “Good thing I waited,” I thought, passing it over. I hadn’t used it for the past five miles anyway. He wanted to stop walking early that night and when we turned aside to a grassy place he slumped heavily to the ground and fell fast asleep.  Next morning it was hard to wake him. I shook his shoulder. “The sun’s almost up!” I said, “Time to get going.” He groaned.  “I just want to camp here for awhile and rest.”  “The season will end before we reach the top if we don’t move forward!” I said, turning toward the path. “You can’t just go off and leave me!” he cried. I hoisted him to his feet and half dragged, half carried him slowly up the path.  We advanced 200 yards that day and it was rough going because he was twice my size and he kept saying that since I wasn’t strong enough to carry him, I wasn’t really trained to climb that mountain. When it was morning again, I was unsuccessful in arousing him. I knew it was time for me to move on, alone.

That is why I am resolved to climb the mountain myself, without baggage, alone if necessary, and certainly not carrying or dragging someone else.

“But, how can you possibly finish the mountain alone?” asked my pastor. “He has the compass.”

“I will use discernment.  I have years of orienteering training in how to tell direction.  It is a gift.”  

“But, he is a man, he is strong and – he has the map.”

“He used it for toilet paper some days ago.”

“Is that love?”

“Him using my map for toilet paper?”

“No. Is it Love to say you will not stick with him and carry him up the mountain?”

“Yes.  It is love to allow anyone with two good legs to hike the mountain for himself without my doing it for him. “

“What about putting others first?”

“By putting others first, do you mean hiking their mountain for them? Carrying them up instead of hiking my own mountain? Or making sure they get to the top of the mountain ahead of me, even if I have to carry, drag or push them?”

“Well, it just sounded harsh and unloving, kind of selfish when you said you would hike your own mountain,” commented the onlooker.

“If I do not love the God of the Universe enough to obey and climb my mountain as instructed, if I neglect my mountain in the name of putting others first and hoisting them up a random mountain; where does that leave me? That is not love.  That is merely self-sacrifice.  Love, according to C.S. Lewis, is the greater virtue.”

“Yes, but often love demands self-sacrifice,” admonished the chider.

 “Who am I to decide, and control through my aiding and abetting, which mountain is someone else’s mountain to climb?  I asked.

Can I, a mere mortal, outthink God and decide what is best? Is it putting God in first place to say, ‘Oh, sorry I didn’t get done what you asked me to do, God.  Someone else wasn’t able to do their job right, so I went over to help.  That’s okay, isn’t it?  Because, I did get them up a mountain, even if I didn’t go up the one you placed in my heart.’”

The pastor shook his head, a bit perplexed and deep in thought. The chider raised her eyebrows at the passion in my voice. The onlooker rejoiced to learn what sages from other ages have written. Shakespeare penned, “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.“

One greater than Shakespeare said, “Love your neighbor as yourself. “  If I do not love myself enough to climb the mountain God gave me to climb, how will I ever know what it is to truly love my neighbor?

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Always and Forever

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A year ago I moved into this lovely townhouse.  Now, I am moving out.  The walls are bare, the rooms nearly empty.  All that remains is a tote of cleaning supplies-and the computer from which I am writing.  I’ve been dragging my feet about packing and moving. My life has been wonderful here.  Every room arranged and decorated just the way I like it, in colors that comfort me.  To take my daily walk, all I need do is lace on shoes, lock the door and dash down the drive to public lands. Here, within these walls, I found out who I am when I’m alone.  Finally, I had come to a place that met all the criteria on my list.  It was truly a gift.

 But, a gift does not always last forever! Toys break, clothes wear out, places of employment change.  My job, too, was a gift-a place to give of my passion and talent and receive in return the delighted smiles of children.  That job, gift though it was, is over.  Jobs don’t last for ever. So, I will move on.

Always and forever are very important words for parents and children, lovers, and for theologians and philosophers. Although we may allow for circumstances, locations, and methods to change; our security comes from knowing that Love will remain. But, a job or a gift?  Those are not for always and forever.

When I was young, adults used to ask me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I gave it an inordinate amount of thought. From the questions, and other events I observed in my life I concluded that who you are and who you are meant to be was one of those once in a lifetime, momentous decisions, researched and decided on by the approximate age of 20.  After that, as I understood it, you pursued that goal with everything in you for the next 45 years, retiring at about 65.  What you were meant to be was your “calling.”  Though you had to seek arduously to find it, it was pre-determined by your creator.  Woe to you if you could not hear your call, or if you strayed from it for the remaining productive years of your adult life.

Because I understand the value to our souls and our society of  “always and forever,” and because I am dependable, conscientious, and aim for integrity; I tend to apply the always and forever commitment to other lesser things in my life. These might be my job, my goals and hobbies, my house, or even a material gift.   I just don’t know when to let go, because somehow, I thought the gift, the providence of that material thing or job, was forever.

Today, as I move forward into the unknown and the next segment of my life, I will release the job and the townhouse. I will smile, and daydream, and allow myself to be excited about my future.  In this ever changing world, one never knows what fabulous gift or dream employment may be just around the corner.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Photos, Poetry and Prose, Spiritual Well Being

Winds of Change

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Finally, the relentless wind;

Became a lover and a friend,

And I enjoyed a deeply spiritual walk last eventide.

And now, my thoughts turn, unschooled, unbidden;

Toward newer ports of call and charts unknown;

My future, hidden.

Yet, serene, I bask, a smile lurks on my face;

As I pursue the turning round the nearing corner.

Cherry, 2010

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Travel, Uncategorized

Want Ad

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After much reflection on who I am and who I am meant to be, I have decided that I love to travel and see and learn and laugh.   I want to spend my mornings writing, my afternoons reading, and my whole life making music. I love fine food, long walks, and conversations with witty intelligent people. I long to know and be known; love and be loved, know that my life is making a difference for others.   I want to find my ambience and excel. I need plenty of time alone and plenty of time with friends and family.  I want to discover, design and analyze. Please forward all salaried situations matching this description!  I want to move on with my dreams.

Character, co-dependence, Goals and Dreams, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

A Maverick, and Alone

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Have you ever come to a place in your thought life, where you felt like a maverick adventurer; going forward to places those around you had never been, nor ever thought of going?  Or did you find yourself, with a bit of trepidation, thinking thoughts, toying with philosophies you had been trained were dangerously wrong, maybe evil? And you felt like you were all alone; yet, you had no choice but to press forward?  Then, wonder of wonders, by chance, a book falls into your hands and in the pages you find much of your biography, your musings, attributed to a fictional character by some author halfway across the continent whom you have never met. At once you realize, with joy, that you are not alone.  That is the kind of book I want to write. This has happened to me frequently enough in my life that I want to-not return the favor, but – pass it on.

I am two chapters in to a book by Brian D McLaren, The Story We Find Ourselves In. I am finding myself in this book. I hope to go on finding myself the rest of my life. Sometime around Christmas a good friend and confidant gave me a copy of McLaren’s, A New Kind of Christian, which I thoroughly devoured and passed on to another friend. While ordering an additional copy to keep on hand, I decided to order the sequel also. I must admit, I am not a fan of sequels.  I could have been perfectly content after the first Pirates of the Caribbean, or the first National Treasure. But this second in the series by McLaren?  This is a page turner for me. I am not alone.  I have never been alone, just tardy.  I am behind the pack, somewhat due to my own late blooming characteristic, and much to the fault of those who dutifully discipled me with harangue and shame. I am an adult now, and it is time for me to mentor others and encourage them along. Many writers and scholars are ahead of me-but as fast as I read and think, I should catch them soon- even while going back to rescue breathe for others who are languishing like I was. Someday, we can all party together.

Here are some books that changed my life:  1) The Robe, by Lloyd C. Douglas; 2) Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, The Great Divorce, Surprised By Joy – all by C.S. Lewis; 3) A New Kind of Christian and The Story We Find Ourselves In, by Brian McLaren.

What books have changed your life? Blown off the ceiling for your dreams and philosophies?

Addiction, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Photos, Spiritual Well Being, The Petty Pace, The Rules, Uncategorized

My Answer

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I have decided to throw myself on God’s Mercy and Grace, rather than to stand stubbornly in my own rags of self-righteousness,  weathering the storm on my own strength by declaring that I will keep my word.  What strength do I have?  None.  What strength does God have?  The Universe! 

This is one more application of the 12 Steps to Recovery provided by Alcoholics Anonymous.  The steps I am thinking of today go something like this:  I admit that I am powerless and my life unmanageable. I believe that a Higher Power can restore me to sanity. I am seeking to increase contact with that Higher Power through meditation and meditative walks.

If this sounds interesting to you, check out these links: http://hazelden.org/

http://www.recovery-man.com/coda/codependency.htm and be sure and read some of the books on my favorite books page!

Character, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being

Happy New Year!

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My prayer for me for the new year, hence, my prayer for others:
                              Wisdom 
                               Grace
                               Success
                               Abundance 
                               Love
                               Joy
                               Serenity
                               Health
                                                May it be, God.

Can I really pray these things/wish these things for everyone in my acquaintance? Or, is there some reserve? Something held back that whispers, “No success for HIM, though. ” Or “No abundance for HER. She doesn’t deserve it.” Or perhaps, “No serenity for THAT ONE! Until they come to their senses…”
Yes, I can afford to pray these for everyone. I want to wish these on everyone. No making the list and checking it twice, no caveat that says, “exclude that individual from success, abundance or serenity, because they have been naughty, not nice.” No shortages. Plenty for all. You do not steal from my abundance or serenity when you have the same. May this be the best year ever – for you-and for me!

Addiction, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, The Petty Pace, Uncategorized

Happy Day After Christmas To You!

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How did you wake up this morning?  Elated?  Deflated?

Most of us are mature and experienced enough to exercise caution when it comes to the holidays.  We know the pitfalls – be they social and familial or social and ingestible – and we prep our minds, if not our bodies, for them.  We know not to expect too much.  We don’t want to be disappointed in the holidays; we just want to survive the holidays. It really came as no surprise to me that it took an extra two hours of dozing and subconscious working through of issues – both psychological and nutritional—Followed by the writing of five pages in my journal, to be ready to meet this day after Christmas. The big revelation, however, is that there exists a holiday backlash – be your holidays good or bad!  It takes just as much emotional energy to process the good that exceeds our expectations, as it does to process disappointments. I am an old and cracked vessel and must be careful not to burst in the ferment of JOY and WONDER. I have had a good life, of late, and it is almost more than I can bear.  Happy Day After Christmas to you!