Category Archives: Health and Long Life

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life

Guys, Hey Guys, Can We Just Be Friends?

September 17, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I cannot tell you how bland, uneventful, or one-opinion-sided life can be with only female friends. So guys, I need you in my life. Can we be friends?

There is nothing quite like working or socializing with someone who “gets it,” intellectually or intuitively. Confidence, as they say, is sexy. So is knowledge and intelligence. Compassion. Kindness. Professionalism. I want this chemistry in my relationships with the male gender. Actually, I consider myself blessed when chemistry like that happens in my female friendships, too.

But there is a huge difference. I don’t go into female friendships thinking, “how long can we trade ideas, enjoy each other’s company, before this turns into a physical commitment?” Honestly, I crave physical intimacy too. But what I want is a whole relationship, not just the physical part. And I will never know how ennobling male / female relationships can be if I don’t have a chance to observe you in action, discuss ideas, compare notes.

I am a strong and capable independent woman. There are times you are strong where I am weak – usually in matters of physical exertion, such as removing a lug nut. But please don’t condescend to me, begin to instruct in all disciplines, act lordly or expect my undying adoration just because you had the brute strength or extra height to fix an engine or place something on a tall shelf.

There are times I am strong where you are weak. My strengths lie in areas of intuitive analysis, financial responsibility, spatial harmony, social appropriateness, artistic design. Maybe yours do too. Perhaps we overlap in some strengths. That’s good. It makes for more common ground and understanding. Please acknowledge my strengths instead of assuming male superiority in all areas of life.

I can also be strong where I would rather be gentle such as resisting physical advances. Inevitably that strength comes at a cost. I buckle on my self-control. My armor appears leathery and standoffish.

It seems like the male relationships I have cultivated these past few years have been with younger men. Largely because I feel safe with a man half my age and can treat him like a son. I can discuss a wide range of topics, try on differing opinions, banter, spar with vocabulary and innovative ideas, truly love and be loved and no one gets emotionally unhealthy. No one gets hurt because no one has expectations -especially me.

There is so much I want and need to learn from men. I am not only intensely loyal, I am willing to give friendship back wholeheartedly. Can we just be friends? Can we share encouraging hugs and deep thoughts as I do with my girlfriends? Can we really esteem and ennoble, maybe even transform each other? Guys, I am longing to know, can we just be friends?

Character, Family, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth

Taking Care of Yourself

August 24, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

This is my belated college roommate experience, the one folks swear you must complete before you can relate in harmony as an adult – just like growing up with siblings. Two weeks ago I moved from solo dwelling on a couple acres to house-sharing with two teachers.

Welcome to my suite life where things are a good deal more glorified than your average college dorm or apartment share. For one thing, we each have our own private room and our own private bathroom. We live with traditional proper decorum; Guys on one level, Gals on the other.

In the kitchen, we share common ground. Three bottles of olive oil are tucked into three separate corners. Three bulbs of garlic reside in respective baskets and bowls. The fridge is stuffed with fresh produce on designated sides. We are consciously healthy-living in diverse ways.

At 7:00 a.m. we converge and diverge.

Me (bustling into kitchen): Need oatmeal

She (groaning): Need coffee

He (chopping fresh vegetables): Need smoothie

That is a brief and accurate description of our personalities.

And they all lived happily ever after, because each got for herself / himself what she or he needed.

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

How do you mend a broken heart?

August 8, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

In my dream, I was driving the ’78 Cutlass down a rockslide. (Not just any Oldsmobile, but the one I drove off the lot in November, 1978; the Cutlass Supreme with only 7,000 miles on it. That car took me in style to the DMV at the courthouse where I paid an exorbitant fee for license tags causing the young man behind me to gasp, “what are you driving lady?” It pulled a fully overloaded U-haul trailer all the way to Chicago, saw one child learn to drive, and hauled me to the hospital for the birth of the other two. Patiently, the Cutlass hung in there for trips from Dallas to Colorado until the youngsters graduated from car seats to regular seatbelts. It was sad to sell it after 20 years and a rebuilt engine.)

Confident, cautious, and dependable I navigated the talus that was the rockslide. Our ride was as smooth as a buggy trip on a cobblestone street – until we came to a drop-off. No mere 4-wheel-drive vehicle could breach that step. Heavy road moving equipment – maybe. One option would be to back up the rockslide. It was then I found out the trip down had not really been as smooth as a cobblestone street. Another solution might be a helicopter or a crane. I acknowledged my problem, turned off the engine, removed the keys, exited the car and left it there. Surely, given time, I would be able to solve the problem.

So ended the dream.

I am a morning person. I love waking up with the sun – with a fresh perspective. Over the past 6 months, I have experienced (again) a series of intermittent days or weeks – not every day – where I wake up depressed, a little bit blue, with that sinking feeling. You know the one. As I came gradually toward consciousness this morning, I could tell it was a gorgeous day. Sunshine. Birds chirping. Gentle breeze with the scent of pinion pine, dew-kissed desert, lavender. What could be more delicious? Then came the dread. I longed to roll up in a ball and hide in the depths of my bed. “Emergency, emergency,” clanged my emotions, “Rise and shine. Commence self-talk. Up by the bootstraps, now. Make yourself feel better.”

But, instead of self-talk, I listened. This is what I heard;

“You have a broken heart.”

“Aw, come on. That’s history. My counselor pointed that out years ago.”

“Nevertheless, it is not mended yet.”

I walk. I write. I make music. How else can you mend a broken heart? Really mend it, not just dull the sensation or self-medicate?

I freely admit, I still don’t know how to get that Cutlass off the rockslide – nor do I know how to mend a broken heart. But naming the problem helps me walk forward. Knowing precisely what I am dealing with along with forward movement frees up the thinking and problem solving mechanisms. Remembering chance words of hope spoken by friends helps. It was the best day I’ve had in a long time.

Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Uncategorized

This fabulous decade

July 9, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Remember the days when you went to a photo sitting, waited two weeks for the proofs, chose which you liked and waited 10 more days for the prints? I had a birthday a month ago and I’ve been waiting on the proofs for a few weeks. The proof that I really am older and the proof that this next decade will be even better.

Somewhere along about the age of 40 I realized that every time I approached a decade marker I got a second wind. I was curious to see if that would happen this year as I completed yet another decade. Looking back; this has been a fabulous decade!

During the last 10 years I ____________________________________________

Completed a bachelor’s degree graduating magna cum laude
Saw my daughter graduate high school
Watched my youngest son graduate high school and launch into the adult world.
Cheered as my daughter graduated college
Completed a manuscript for a children’s book and saw it all the way to independent publication
Actually got paid to write – every penny counts
Got to interact with four grandchildren
Travelled by train to San Francisco and Seattle
Packed all the necessities of existence in a Subaru and moved 1000 miles solo
Taught classroom music fulltime
Taught piano for enrichment
Completed a women’s fiction manuscript which will probably never see the light of day
Got paid to play the piano
Took in as many events, travels and concerts as time and money allowed
Hiked all the trails of Colorado National Monument
Returned to retail store management and found I loved it

And now, I am beginning to plot and plan how I can see more National Parks, hike in more beautiful places, make more music and write publishable manuscripts in the upcoming decade.

A fabulous party

For the first time in 60 years, I planned my own birthday party and paid for a live band – just because I love music and I love raising young musicians. This is how the band looks…

…but not really how the band sounds. iphoto correctly guessed my generation when it automatically chose the audio.

The band? They are indie innovators and accomplished musicians. In reality this is how the band sounds

These musicians? They are my children. My greatest accomplishment was raising them to adulthood and allowing for or providing for as much music in their lives as possible.

Addiction, Health and Long Life

Regarding thirst and sex

July 2, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I used to hate water. But my body needed it and persisted in letting me know through thirst. Often, I mistook the intense need to ingest something as craving for food when what I really needed was to hydrate myself.

So too, I somehow came to regard sex as affirmation. Just as everyone needs water, we all need affirmation. Yet, a physical relationship is not the exclusive fix for emotional fulfillment. In fact, relationships can be quite unreliable as sources of affirmation.

Perhaps my greatest achievement over the past decades is my proper response to feeling thirsty, hungry or desperate.

Nowadays I keep a water bottle handy, drink heartily and then see if I am still hungry. When I am truly hungry, I make wiser choices of foods that nourish. When I have been a little short on affirmation and am therefore craving a relationship; I acknowledge that need and turn to other options. Maybe creating a story or time spent journaling will give perspective. Perhaps, just a good book to read. Most assuredly, what I need is some solitude and a hike in a beautiful place.

The affirmation of sex, or the quenching of thirst with food, is only coping for the moment; but the benefits of a tall glass of water and a long walk in nature build health for a lifetime.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life

Wherein the ranger was right

June 10, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I said: I would love to go to Rattlesnake Arches. It is on my bucket list. I’ve been trying to find someone to go out there with me

She said: I learned a long time ago, if you wait for someone to go with you, there are places you will never go.

I said: There is a field of sego lilies on top Black Ridge.

He said: The largest variety of flowers may be seen on Lower Liberty Cap Trail.

I said: Nah. You’re kidding. Out in that long barren stretch at the beginning of the trail?

A selection of wildflowers along Lower Liberty Cap Trail

I said: I finally got a helmet and am learning to ride a bicycle again.

He said: That’s the spirit. Soon we will have you running, too.

I said: I don’t aspire to run. I am quite content to hike at my own pace. I don’t particularly like being sweaty and thirsty.

Funny thing, a couple weeks ago I caught myself running through some low places, some less scenic areas of trail for no apparent reason but boredom, exhilaration or getting there more quickly. It is happening with frequency.

Three different rangers. Three instances in which the ranger was right and I was pleasantly surprised.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Work

Forgetting Awesome, Extinguishing Desire

May 13, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I work in a location of incredible natural beauty. People spend their vacations and their money to come here, yet I am here five days a week courtesy of my job. Amazingly, the beauty is so magnetic, I often head to my place of work on my days off just to hike and enjoy and know it better. The words; breathtaking, inspiring, centering and clarifying come to mind.

But sometimes I forget. Not a senior moment type of forgetfulness; rather, a crowded out by cares and worries kind of forgetfulness. If I work long hours – say dawn to dusk – and then rush to visit extended family, or shop for groceries, there is no time to hike. If I have been on my feet all day and my body is screaming for dinner; chances are I will sink fatigued into the car seat and hurry to my next appointment – perhaps at a laundromat – with nary a glance at the grandeur. After a few days, I feel vaguely dissatisfied. I forget the awesome. My desire is extinguished. Just like that, the beauty that once drove me mad with desire; delirious with abundance of joy is snuffed out. The honeymoon is over.

I worked the early shift today. The great outdoors was so alluring when I exited the office, I could not resist the urge to pull on my walking shoes. It was too chilly to change to the cropped off athletic gear I always tote perchance of adventure, so I added layers to my work clothes and took off down the trail. The cold was invigorating. Half a mile later I was gobsmacked by the beauty.

To think, fatigued, hungry and driven, I almost hurried to my car and on to the next item on my list.

As I walked I mused how all of life is like that. In the crush of the mundane, I allow myself to slowly reel in the desire. I pack it on ice.

In other words, after a few days of inattention to the beloved; after the interruption of a 40-hour workweek; perhaps mounting tension on the job or with the budget, the motivation goes away. Through lack of use, desire is extinguished. The thing that used to be my emotional life-blood becomes ho hum, why should I exert myself?

And that is why in every avenue of endeavor we need to be constantly reminded;

Every day, tell her (him) you love her (him)

Keep the romance alive

Write a little every day if you are a writer

Are you a musician? Sit down and love that instrument every day.

Does beauty and the great outdoors nourish you? For heaven’s sake, don’t neglect yourself.

Quit being a martyr for expectations and the mundane. Feed the need. Nourish your desire. Only then will you be wholehearted enough to actually give your best on the job.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Golden Oldies

April 19, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

It was perhaps the best I have ever played, though it would still take two hands to count the mistakes I know I made. I laid down a nice rhythmic groove and kept with it, letting the melody and dynamics breathe the words of well-known and well-worn standards for a solid hour.

I could not have asked for a more responsive audience. Some hummed. Some sang. Some merely mouthed the words. Many brightened perceptibly at up-tempo tunes, a boogie woogie accompaniment, or old hymns. At one point, a hall wanderer drifted by and commented with delight, “Look, you are putting them to sleep.” Sleep too, is responsive. It is my intention to play music that soothes and calms–to awaken sweet memories of long ago.

Yet it was bitter with the sweet; a very melancholy loving of the ivories. I sense it is the last time I will play for this audience. I grow older and so do they. In an ever changing group of approximately 50 appreciative listeners gathered there, only four were male. The reality is, women will travel more years single and alone than as partners, couples, or families. Performing music is a vulnerability that bares the soul in so many ways.

Character, Family, Health and Long Life, Travel

The highlight of the trip?

April 9, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

She has always been attuned to the great outdoors; so I took her camping.

She likes concocting from scratch in cast iron griddles and wood-fired ovens; so we made fajitas over an open campfire.

She used to build little villages in tree trunks and wooded areas; so we spent one night sleeping in a tipi.

Her degree is in cultural anthropology; so we spent 48 hours roaming Hovenweep, Mesa Verde and Canyon of the Ancients.

She designs one-of-a-kind knit and crochet apparel; so we visited a museum featuring a hands on rug weaving exhibit.

She writes and draws. There was ample time and sunshine to sketch and journal at will.

We love to hike and explore; so we hiked in spring snow to view petroglyphs etched a thousand years ago.

As a young adult, she is often my best friend; so we had plenty of philosophical girl talk.

We even visited two candy stores and sampled treats.

And what was her highlight of the trip?

Hearing the whistle blow and watching as the coal-fired Durango Silverton narrow gauge train rushed out of town.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Travel, Uncategorized

Self-talk about choices

April 6, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Self? I think it’s time we have a little talk about choices; specifically the choices you made today and what we can glean from them. First off, I’d like to point out the positive choices you made on this, your last day of vacation. Though the day appeared sunny and I-70 was clear, this time of year it was a good idea to drive directly through the tunnels and over Vail Pass without stopping to dawdle.

Once safely over the passes, it was an even better idea to stop and hike to Hanging Lake. Hanging Lake is always a memorable experience. I know you are an experienced hiker. I also know you are in better shape than any of the previous four or five times you’ve made this 1000 ft ascent. The day was warm down by the parking lot and you contemplated changing to shorts and a tank. I commend you for making the right choice. Jeans are tough and made to last; never mind they also absorb and retain water quickly – particularly snowmelt. Smart Wool socks are also essential this time of year. Good job, Self! Tossing your black hoodie in the car seat and donning a black Loki jacket is also worth points. Not only is a Loki jacket versatile – what with the built-in mittens, adjustable hood and pull-down face mask- a Loki jacket also gives you credibility with the serious outdoor crowd.

But Self, I have to ask what you were thinking when you left your hiking boots under the seat and laced on your aging hiking sneakers. The promoters who quipped, “bald is beautiful,” were not talking about tennis shoe treads. And another thing; what is the purpose of keeping your Yaktrax in the car if you don’t tuck them in a pocket when you set out? Of course you needed nothing of the kind for the first fourth mile of paved bicycle trail.

The trail to Hanging Lake begins with a stroll on concrete bicycle path along the Colorado River

Nor did you think to go back for boots and ice grips when you saw the rating of difficult at the trailhead, or began to encounter snow a third of the way in.

You did not give up. You pressed on, picking your way over rocks and increasingly long icy patches. What have you learned from this?
You made it to the top. You enjoyed the magnificent view.

But on the way down?

You learned to stop trying to save your butt and to let your butt save you. Forget about dignity and walking upright. You embraced the most useful ranger advice you ever heard; don’t be afraid to sit down if you need to. As a result, you protected your elbows, knees and skull from fracture. You sat down at will instead of unexpectedly. You used every last miniscule muscle in your body. And you made up a new winter sport, sliding down snow packed trails while paddling with your hands That was a full-body workout, Self. Congratulations, you are in better shape than you have ever been. Today, your feelings are alive. You are self-aware–of every muscle and bone in your body.

Cherry Odelberg