Category Archives: Health and Long Life

Rule Number 1:

 

Never, ever, make someone feel bad. Its not nice to make someone feel bad. Nice people never make someone feel bad. So if you are a child, be very careful that you never disobey your parents. If you disobey, even once, it will make your parents feel bad. Your mother will say, “Don’t you love mommy? It makes mommy feel bad when you do not obey.” If you do not obey your father he will say, “What have I done wrong that I have raised a child that does not obey.” He will feel bad. You don’t want to make anyone feel bad.

 

If you are a student at school or a worker in an office, never succeed above your peers. It makes them feel stupid if you get a better grade on a test or if you can naturally do a skill they have not yet mastered. Do not make them feel bad by being better than they are. Everyone knows it is not nice to act better than someone else. Hide your skills. You do not want others to feel bad.

 

If you are an adult in charge of others, don’t correct your underlings when they make an error, encourage them instead. If you correct them, they may feel bad and think you are not a nice person.

 

If you are a spouse, take care that you never make your mate feel bad. Instead, choose words that encourage. If you disagree, never infer that your spouse’s position is wrong. You must put things in the best light, beat around the bush, change your position if you find yourself coming dangerously close to the heart of the matter. Never ask them to do something they don’t want to do. You must not make them feel bad.

 

If you are writing or speaking to any of the general public, be sure you choose a vocabulary that is positive and uplifting whether it gets the point across or not. Otherwise someone will say, “That’s too preachy,” and you will be devastated that you almost went to press with something that would make someone feel bad. You must never, ever, make someone feel bad. Nice people just don’t do that.

 

Congratulations! You have made yourself responsible for the feelings and happiness of everyone else. You are now codependent.

Indispensable


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Originally uploaded by ein feisty Berg

The trouble with “making it happen” for someone you love (particularly if you are doing it for them to draw their attention or love to yourself) is that they fall in love with the thing you made possible in their life-and they ride off into the sunset with IT.

When one makes it happen for another, a thank you is all that is required. It is not a guarantee of lifetime allegiance and service out of gratitude.

With growing kids, this is a natural and right practice. We provide them with education, upbringing, tools for careers and relationship and they ride off into the sunset toward lifetime success.

With others, peers, adults, employers, corporations; making someone’s life or vision or business happen for them (often through heroic measures) is disastrous.

This has happened to me at least twice in major arrangements and numerous times in small, day to day working relationships.
Am I hard-hearted to say, “Never again”?

The Hundred Acre Park

There is a hundred acre park near the place I live, where I love to walk. It is hallowed ground. I know it is hallowed because God speaks to me there; plays on my heartstrings with his presence, renews my mind with grand views of magnificent desert canyons; fires my brain to remember lessons long forgot; knowledge embedded in my DNA; senses long dormant. There my logic becomes untangled; hunches long denied are acknowledged, and I become ME again, the ME I am created to be.

I become balanced, centered again in the me that would rather be well than right. The me that has learned to live one day at a time in courage and trust, rather than the me that runs around unsuccessfully trying to control others in order to order my future.

I have walked many places. God is not absent from any of them. A walk is always restorative. But this, this is a place I keenly sense his presence. I like to think of the early valley farmers and ranchers – over 100 years ago, who first settled this land and farmed and later deeded, gave, or sold the land to the city.

What must they have done to this land to make it undulate so with vibes of the sacred? I picture them standing in a field, faces uplifted toward the sun, crying out, “God, thank you for this land! We hallow and dedicate this field-forever as a blessing to others-that they might feel you presence here and seek your wisdom and health through enjoyment of this great outdoors!Author, pic by Kvon

Flat Fourteeners

Hike Flat Fourteeners – I love it! I love the mountains, I love the rolling hills, I love the landscape, I love to walk. But….UP? Now that’s not a good thing for me. There was a time I thought I would never have the stamina to make it to the top of a Colorado fourteener even though I camped at the base of many; and later, a time when I successfully climbed Gray’s Peak (14,270). Still later I ascended Mount Bierstadt (14,060) and lived to write about it for a Mountain Writer’s publication – even though I could hardly walk and it hurt to stoop or lift for months afterward. Now I have embarked on Colorado Flat Fourteeners; a program in which I don a pedometer and walk the total number of paces it would take to hike all the Colorado peaks over 14,000 feet. The rest of the Sweet Adelines and I are doing this together. What fun! When I have finished all 53 I get a T-shirt! This week we did Pike’s Peak together (14,110 – now flat) – and I did an additional smaller peak. By the end of next summer I should have all of them in the bag.

The Patience of a Daughter In Law

My daughter-in-law is a great cook. I love being asked to stay and eat at my son’s house when his wife is cooking. I can just run off and play or read with the grandkids, entertain the baby, and after a while the aroma of a healthful meal wafts in pursuit of my growling stomach, inviting me to the table. Sometimes when left to my own devices at home I crave the fresh ingredients my DIL is fond of using: Romaine lettuce, organic zucchini, mushrooms, garlic, cheese… Last week I decided to put together a seven layer bean dip for an extended family get together. But I do not have the patience of my DIL. I had a number of items on my to do list and I really wanted to be out visiting; not in the kitchen preparing. I had a terrible time disciplining myself to stay in one place and dice and assemble the ingredients.

Over the years my understanding of the adjective “gifted” is, “can do without sleep,” And how do I define “gourmet cook”? One who has patience for shopping and chopping.

I am trying to learn patience. I just spent an hour and 20 minutes in the cell phone store.

Anger

When does anger go away? When one’s needs are met.

Trouble is; one often spends one’s life expecting someone else to meet one’s need. In actual fact; I am the only one who can meet my needs. So it follows that my anger goes away when I learn to meet my own needs; take responsibility for my own happiness; take care of myself well rather than second guessing the needs of others and then waiting for someone else to notice and meet my needs, reinforce or reassure. I speak of adults, of course. Children have age appropriate needs. I am no longer a child. I am an adult. How about you?

NOT on the BUCKET List


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Originally uploaded by ein feisty Berg

Forget the negative things for a moment and consider with me: A lot of great things happen in life that are NOT on one’s Bucket List. When you made that goal list (for instance, in high school) did you ever dream all the GOOD experiences you would have between that time and this? Sure you were told, “You can be anything you want to be!” But, did you really know all the things you would be between then and now? Did you even know the possibilities existed for some of the fabulous things you have experienced? A valid, thoughtful list of “ten things I want to do before I die,” or “list of things I want to do before I kick the bucket,” is made only after one tastes a bit of life, makes a few detours, and refocuses priorities. Take this picture of my dad with ALL my children and ALL my grandchildren. They are one of life’s greatest joys; yet, as a very young adult, I would never have dreamed of putting them on the list beyond a casual, “get married and have kids.”

Prince Caspian and Things Don’t Happen The Same Way Twice

“Things don’t happen the same way twice,” so said Aslan to Lucy in the movie Prince Caspian. “The wardrobe? Oh, you’ll not get back in again that way,” said the professor to the four children in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. And while we are talking of repetition; DID Moses put a spigot on the rock that gushed out water so the masses could always return to that same rock to draw water? No, they did not return. They kept moving forward. Did Jesus always heal blind men by spitting in the dust and putting mud on the eyes?

Things don’t happen the same way twice. While it is good to have trusted, tried and true resources or counselors; one can hardly keep going back to the same friend or the same resource indefinitely; you would milk them dry. The Higher Power, the Creator, is the only limitless resource and (S)He is not limited in creativity. So it is that as I struggle on through life and relationships; I do not limit myself to one friend, one counselor, one confidant, one book, one doctor. I get a second opinion. I turn over lots of rocks, rather than returning to the same handout all the time. I wait in anticipation to see from whence the next word of wisdom or critical sustenance will come. “There is safety in a multitude of counselors.”

Do I accept counsel without question? No. Discernment is also a gift of the creator. If I pray to my Higher Power for knowledge of his will for me and for the power to carry it out; the result is wisdom and discernment and resources and guidance.

Raising Great Kids; or, Did I Say That?

We had to arrange some creative transportation last Tuesday night; what with 3 adults (two young and one old) and one car. I wanted to go to Sweet Adelines and Philip; as video editor, had a summer meeting for the school newspaper. We ladies dropped him off at the college library and then proceeded across town where Andrea dropped me off at rehearsal. The plan was that she would be on call to pick up Philip and, in any case, would pick me up at 9:15 P.M.

My rehearsal ended about 9:00. Not wanting to wait outside in the dark, I hung back for society, cookies and ice cream; a time of bidding a moving member good-bye. Sweet Adelines make music and friendship par excellence, so a number of women engaged me in conversation. One member passed by and said, “I gave your children some cookies. I hope you don’t mind. They were sitting so quietly, waiting.” “My children? Are you sure?” I had not seen them come in, and frankly, at 17 ½ and nearly 20, I am no longer used to being asked if it is OK to give them a cookie🙂 I found two teenagers sitting in a dark foyer engaged in quiet sibling conversation. “Have you been waiting long?” I asked. “Oh, about 10 minutes,” said Andrea, “But we thought it was important to give you time to socialize, after all, that’s what you always say to us, ‘You can have a few more minutes to socialize.’” “I say that?” I asked, incredulously. Andrea nodded, “All the time.” I guess it seemed like such a natural thing to do, that I didn’t remember saying it. I do it because friendships are important and my kids are important. And, you know what? Now I feel important too!