Category Archives: Spiritual Well Being

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

But I feel loved

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My necklace and my earrings don’t match, but I feel loved. It has taken me a long time to admit this, but gifts are one of my love languages. According to experts on the subject, there are five different love languages; words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. As I once told a counselor, I am adaptable. I would be happy to receive love in any of the languages. For many years, there was silence.

Growing up, service was deemed the paramount love language. The only type of worthy quality time was time spent in service. I understand some of the reasons for this bias. Service does not cost anything but time and effort. My family did not have the monetary wherewithal to engage in the language of gifts. I was taught to serve and serve I did – to the point I assumed service was my primary love language.

When I first began to see that I loved and longed to receive gifts, I felt guilty. Because – said the unwritten rules – to crave gifts was to be materialistic.

When I acknowledged I had a penchant for wanting to give gifts; a knack for running a gift store that specialized in finding just the right gift for the important people in life; I finally woke to the fact that gifts must be my love language.

Some years ago, my sister-n-law gifted me a set of turquoise earrings, a genuine act of love as she likes the stone as well as I and could have kept them for herself. For a milestone birthday, a cousin delivered a delicate pearl and diamond pendant. Lovely. A proper gift from lord to lady, but I have no husband, so family filled the gap. These days, if I am having a particularly lonely or insecure morning, I dress with care for work. I fasten on my necklace; thread the turquoise dangles through my earlobes.

My necklace and earrings don’t match, but I feel loved. Thus fortified, I sally forth to conquer the world.

Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules

You Win at Life

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A few weeks ago a Facebook friend posted her results from one of those little 10 or 15 question multiple choice quizzes that purport to read your personality or your future.

“I make history!” she said.  “What answer did you get?”

She is an educator and a former colleague of mine.  We share a common understanding of the value of history and core education. The test sounded interesting.  Not the kind of test you put a lot of stock in like Myers Briggs or even Rorschach, but just for fun.

So, I clicked the link. I had my fun.  I got my answer.

You win at life!

What?????? I must have clicked a couple wrong answers along the way.  Me win at life?  Obviously, that was not a very credible test.  I took a quick glance over my history and laughed.  But shame followed closely on the heels of the laughter.  Because, you know, it’s not nice to win.  Or is it?  When you win, does it automatically mean you have manipulated, cheated, intimidated, made someone else your step-ladder to success?

I dwelt in faulty thinking for a spell, second-guessing past success and past mistakes and chastising myself for being so transparent that a recreational test found me out.

This is precisely the type of emotional cerebral activity that garnered me the accusation that I think too much.

Is it wrong to succeed above your fellow man, or is winning at life an opportunity to raise others up?  When I look over the past decades, I see I have reinvented myself many times just to survive. Does that make me a winner?

Maybe, just maybe this little test was meant to encourage, not to chide.  After all, when you take a quiz titled, “Which Disney Star are You?” Everyone ends up a star.

So, my friend makes history and I win at life! That is palm reading I can live with, a daily reminder:

Be encouraged!

You can get through this!

You win at life!

 

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Religion, Spiritual Well Being

Patti Hill, Gilbert Grape and One Tin Soldier

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When I first saw the movie, “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape,” I sat and wept quietly at its conclusion.  My brother, a fan of the film, questioned my tears. “It has a happy ending,” he argued. But I could not bear the relentless burden of caretaking and parenting of a parent that Gilbert was called on to carry.

I feel the same crushing weight for Amy in Patti Hill’s story, “The Queen of Sleepy Eye. “ The mother is relentless in her dependence on Amy.  No 17-year-old should be called on to raise a parent.    This type of dependence demands boundaries, but it is a bit ticklish for an underage child to set them and still remain respectful to the parent. But here’s the rub; Amy herself is not perfect.  She scolds.  Some of her actions are scoldable.  She judges and her pride goes before a fall. Been there, done that.  I’ve also made promises with the best of good will and self-control and then broken them.

This is a book every Christian should read. Using your children for your own glory or sustenance is a theme oft repeated in life.  Manipulation is a tool frequently employed by many parents, but not often acknowledged in Christian fiction – which this is.

The first third of this book reads like a textbook psychology case study.  The later portions are for Christians only.  Were you raised steeped in the same type of Christianity as I was?  A few decades ago, we would have grieved for every last character as they fell from Grace. With tears in our eyes, we would have shaken the dust off our feet and moved on just like some of the church people in Hill’s book.  But the ending Patti Hill crafts is an ending where, with the reader’s sympathy and understanding, the characters fell into Grace.

And oh, how I loved the hippies, and Patti’s portrayal of Paonia.  Wait, that was Paonia, wasn’t it?  And I know these church people, which, unfortunately, is why I shy away from Christian fiction these days.

Are you a baby-boomer?  Do yourself a favor and read this book.  It will resonate like “Forrest Gump,” or “Gilbert Grape,” or “One Tin Soldier.”

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being

Trust at Rattlesnake Arches

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The foremost reason I hike is for emotional health.   I love it.  Can’t live without it.  What others find healthful in prayer or meditation, I find in walking out in nature. Clarity, soul–refreshment. The added benefit, of course, is physical health. And way down in tertiary position is the word goal or success.

Nevertheless, I hiked to Rattlesnake Arches last week and thus chalked up another score for the bucket list. It was a goal well-met; a decision well-made. Despite the urging of some friends not to go alone and others not to take my Subaru, I set my face toward the arches and I went.

DSCN7678jeeproadThere are two ways to get to the arches.  From the North; a seven-mile hike in and through Rattlesnake Canyon with a seven-mile return.  From the South; a seven-mile dirt road, connecting to 1.5 miles of jeep road and then two miles on foot. I chose the dirt road thinking at any time to pull over and hoof it the rest of the way.  It was my lucky day.  The dirt road was freshly graded.  The Red Pearl made it the full seven miles – at 10 miles per hour.  Trucking on down the Jeep road in my bald tennies; I came upon this wondrous sign:

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Solitude.  Oh how I love that word.  On my way in, I met a lone cyclist, on the road out only one vehicle. I was alone, in utter solitude for a seven-mile radius.  There are times I need the counsel and restoration of friends and times I need to be alone, self-paced, quiet, in self-examination.

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Cresting the hill, canyons and valleys of the Colorado River stretch out before me, on into ruby colored sandstone and to Utah. The world is so vast. I am so very small. Instantly I trust.

The fear which chronically dogs me, is utterly gone.  I rest. Finally in the arms of Nature. There is nothing I can do.  Nothing for me to fix, manipulate or take responsibility for.  It is beyond me.  And yet, all will be most well. It is in the hands of the supernatural. 

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Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Work

Forgetting Awesome, Extinguishing Desire

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I work in a location of incredible natural beauty. People spend their vacations and their money to come here, yet I am here five days a week courtesy of my job.  Amazingly, the beauty is so magnetic, I often head to my place of work on my days off just to hike and enjoy and know it better.   The words; breathtaking, inspiring, centering and clarifying come to mind.

But sometimes I forget.   Not a senior moment type of forgetfulness; rather, a crowded out by cares and worries kind of forgetfulness. If I work long hours – say dawn to dusk – and then rush to visit extended family, or shop for groceries, there is no time to hike.  If I have been on my feet all day and my body is screaming for dinner; chances are I will sink fatigued into the car seat and hurry to my next appointment – perhaps at a laundromat – with nary a glance at the grandeur.  After a few days, I feel vaguely dissatisfied. I forget the awesome. My desire is extinguished.  Just like that, the beauty that once drove me mad with desire; delirious with abundance of joy is snuffed out.  The honeymoon is over.

I worked the early shift today. The great outdoors was so alluring when I exited the office, I could not resist the urge to pull on my walking shoes. It was too chilly to change to the cropped off athletic gear I always tote perchance of adventure, so I added layers to my work clothes and took off down the trail. The cold was invigorating. Half a mile later I was gobsmacked by the beauty.

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To think, fatigued, hungry and driven, I almost hurried to my car and on to the next item on my list.

As I walked I mused how all of life is like that.  In the crush of the mundane, I allow myself to slowly reel in the desire.  I pack it on ice.

In other words, after a few days of inattention to the beloved; after the interruption of a 40-hour workweek; perhaps mounting tension on the job or with the budget, the motivation goes away.  Through lack of use, desire is extinguished. The thing that used to be my emotional life-blood becomes ho hum, why should I exert myself?

And that is why in every avenue of endeavor we need to be constantly reminded;

Every day, tell her (him) you love her (him)

Keep the romance alive

Write a little every day if you are a writer

Are you a musician? Sit down and love that instrument every day.

Does beauty and the great outdoors nourish you? For heaven’s sake, don’t neglect yourself.

Quit being a martyr for expectations and the mundane. Feed the need. Nourish your desire.  Only then will you be wholehearted enough to actually give your best on the job.

 

 

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Golden Oldies

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It was perhaps the best I have ever played, though it would still take two hands to count the mistakes I know I made. I laid down a nice rhythmic groove and kept with it, letting the melody and dynamics breathe the words of well-known and well-worn standards for a solid hour.

I could not have asked for a more responsive audience. Some hummed. Some sang. Some merely mouthed the words. Many brightened perceptibly at up-tempo tunes, a boogie woogie accompaniment, or old hymns. At one point, a hall wanderer drifted by and commented with delight, “Look, you are putting them to sleep.” Sleep too, is responsive. It is my intention to play music that soothes and calms–to awaken sweet memories of long ago.

Yet it was bitter with the sweet; a very melancholy loving of the ivories. I sense it is the last time I will play for this audience. I grow older and so do they. In an ever changing group of approximately 50 appreciative listeners gathered there, only four were male. The reality is, women will travel more years single and alone than as partners, couples, or families. Performing music is a vulnerability that bares the soul in so many ways.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Life is good

“Elizabeth, agitated and confused, rather knew that she was happy, than felt herself to be so…(1813, Austen, Pride and Prejudice, chapter 59)”

Life has been pretty good, of late. It is possible to know life is good, but not feel it. Rationally, you tick off the list: food, shelter, provision, job, relationship – you have it all. Life is Good. You must be happy. But where are the feelings? You want to feel it!

When you get to the point where your head knows life is good, but your body and emotions are numb and refuse to feel it; there are five things to do that help transfer successes of the good life to feelings of well being:

Walk or Hike in nature and release some dopamine and endorphins into your system. I suspect exercise of any sort is helpful, so go ahead and enjoy the gym or mall walking; but maximum benefit for me happens when I combine the beauty of nature with exercise.

Hiking makes me FEEL that life is good. A fast walk along a nature trail helps me experience feelings of gratitude. Feelings of gratitude are the foundation of that feeling of well being.

My stars! That is a walk with a view that will life your spirits! Moon rise from Window Rock
My stars! That is a walk with a view that will lift your spirits! Moon rise from Window Rock, Colorado National Monument 1-15-14 5:18 p.m.

Go to bed earlier. When life is good, it is easy to be in the mode of rise early and stay up late in order to maintain the success. Ben Franklin was right, “early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.” Go to bed earlier. Get a refreshing rest. Wisdom feels wonderful.

Eat well. It is almost second nature to skip lunch (or breakfast or dinner) when you are busy. It is a shame to feel badly in the midst of a successful working life. For no other reason than to improve your emotional vision; make healthy food choices. For me this means plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables; a smaller amount of meats, grains and sweets; and, gasp, no caffeine. It also means I need to eat something before I get that starved feeling and blood sugar plummets.

Choose music intentionally By all means, choose music! I cannot imagine life without the comfort of my piano. Make music. Listen to music. Console and exercise your brain by listening to your ipod or playing your heart out on the keyboard or strings. Not a good idea to overload on dirges, blues or torch songs; however.

Choose carefully the companions you spend time with. Better a long walk with a like-minded friend than a politically charged discussion with extended family. For the introvert, solitude is a much more serene friend than TV. A good book, or a reflective conversation with an old friend is better than a noisy bar or a competitive activity you are not good at.

January is half over. Life is good. I want to feel the goodness and savor it.

First Pool, No Thoroughfare Canyon, Colorado National Monument January 13, 2014
First Pool, No Thoroughfare Canyon, Colorado National Monument January 13, 2014
Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being

Seasons of Lights

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I have always loved the Christmas lights. They lend warmth to a bare, cold room or a tree bereft of leaves, a city gray and stark in the chill of winter. They beckon a traveler toward the warmth of home; provide illumination in the absence of the sun.

When I was a young child, much of our simple seasonal excitement revolved around lights. Returning home in the early darkness, as the car topped the 12th Street hill, my brother and I would look to see if grandma was home.  Did the plastic, seven-place, fake candles  burn blue in the south-facing window? If the window was dark, no one was home. In those days, everyone knew it was not safe to leave lights plugged in and unattended.

A fall schedule properly checked off, meant that Daddy or Grandpa put up Christmas lights late in fall as part of the waning yard work. Lights remained ready and waiting all through November, but not plugged in until after Thanksgiving.  A sigh of completion escaped the ladies the year lights festooned every gable of the old house. It can take several painstaking years to garner enough by prudently adding a string each year. A Christmas Eve drive through expensive neighborhoods where homeowners competed for the annual Christmas decorating prize, was an unbreakable tradition-something you had to do between the oyster soup and unwrapping gifts.

Lights were a part of my childhood Christmases, but  they were only a manufactured replica of the beauty that makes Christmas season so magical.  A few days ago, I was drawn outside just before bedtime. The full moon cast light across the hills and onto the snow. Sheer planes of icy frost glittered like frozen fireflies.  Suddenly, I knew whence came the inspiration for Christmas lights.

Could it be entire generations have traded electric lights, battery operated LED lights for forgotten natural beauty?  Musing, I wonder if I have been content all these years splashing in a mud puddle when there was a holiday at the seaside available to me (C.S. Lewis).

But oh, if the imitation of nature yields so much peace and goodwill and joy and memories, how much more the real thing?

I wish you plenty of strolls in the moonlight; plenty of:

“Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”  Anton Chekhov

“The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the lustre of midday to objects below.”  Clement Clarke Moore, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (1823)

 

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Be gentle with yourself; it’s almost Christmas

Be gentle with yourself; it’s almost Christmas. Be extra gracious to others; we are in the darkest, coldest time of the year.

It is such a comfort to have close family or friends with whom to spend the holidays. Yet,
no matter how hard we try to be realistic; all of us harbor secret hopes and dreams and unmet needs. The most beautiful time of the year can be a time of extreme loneliness – even in a crowd.

Though the snow and dawn and twilight are delightful, the shortened daylight and frosty temperatures leave precious little time for rejuvenating hikes in nature and endorphin raising exercise. The very energy once gained through the ministrations of Mother Nature is now drained and diverted toward crowds of strangers in shopping malls or trying to encourage disgruntled, circadian disrupted, significant others with
seasonal affective disorder.

But, don’t weep, darling. Crying only stuffs up your nose and makes it more difficult to sing. And sing, you must! After all, it is Christmas!

I wish you PEACE, JOY, LOVE – and the fulfillment of HOPE! Because, hope deferred makes the heart sad. Be gentle with yourself. Be gracious to others!

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Metaphor, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

The Perfect Puzzle Piece

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I had a difficult time getting to sleep the other night. It was not tossing and turning due to guilt or unfinished business, or even a cup of coffee, that kept me wakeful. It was peace and joy and anticipation.
Like the child who simply cannot fall asleep Christmas Eve for the anticipation of Christmas morning; I lay awake contemplating and luxuriating.  It had been a usual and satisfying evening.  An hour at the piano, micro-zapped leftovers for dinner, a bit of writing, tying up some cyber loose ends from work.
About the time I settled in, sighed and pulled the covers to my chin, the realization hit me.

The puzzle piece I had been holding so tightly as a precious souvenir of my past; the beautiful priority piece, reminder of who I am and want to be; the piece I feared belonged only in a box long discarded and given away?  That piece fits perfectly in the puzzle now in construction on the table of my life.