Category Archives: Spiritual Well Being

Addiction, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules, Uncategorized

The case of the tragic M&Ms

September 11, 2013 Cherry Leave a comment

A handful of M&Ms sat side by side in a cut glass bowl. They are tempting, and offered to me repeatedly – even urged on me. I decline. But, everybody loves chocolate, you will say. And you are right. Even I love chocolate, but I am allergic. Ah, you murmur, “that is tragic.” Not so. A simple, specific food allergy is something you can remedy immediately. A tragedy leaves you helpless, wounded, hopeless.

The M&Ms treasured in my antique heirloom bowl stand for misunderstanding and misinformation; miscommunication and misguided. I once knew an older woman who would attempt to mend broken relationships with the platitude, “It doesn’t matter. That was just a misunderstanding.” To which I say, “It does matter!” It was far more than misunderstanding. No amount of re-phrasing will clear up misguided misinformation!”

A few weeks ago, Novel Matters linked up a video presentation on cultural misunderstandings of poverty vs middle class vs affluence. You might think of it as the tragic case of M&Ms and Money. It was hugely informative to understanding the differences in background we bring to relationships. Listening to Dr Ruby Payne speak cast an illuminating spotlight back over the decades of my upbringing and subsequent relationships. I found myself thinking, “if I had only known.”

Money, as researchers have told us over and over, is one of the major conflict triggers in relationships. We could probably recite the list together: Money, Children, In-laws, Sex, Expectations, Religion…. For this post the other one that makes the list of tragic M&Ms is Marital intimacy.

Rarely do I agree 100% with a speaker, book or movie. I wonder how many relationships could be salvaged, healed or immunized if the video that follows went viral? True to the 2,000 year legacy of the name, Mars Hill, the video that follows clears up misinformed, misguided, misunderstood, miscommunicated belief.

If you are a woman who has been shamed for desire, suffered the contempt of those who were misinformed, or deprived by pornography; let the healing begin.

Let Him Kiss Me

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Yesterday, I saw my grandmother in the mirror

August 28, 2013 Cherry 2 Comments

The days have come and gone when I looked in the mirror and said “Hello, Mother!” We’ve all heard the jokes. We women past a certain age have experienced that momentary start – seeing ourselves at the same age we vividly remember the face of our mother. The first time I saw my mother’s face in the mirror, I put on a bit more makeup and got a new hairstyle.

Yesterday, when I looked in the mirror, I saw my grandmother. This is no insult. Grandma died at the young age of 65; having had no time to go gray. Her wits and energy were still about her. The age at which I remember most vividly her daily influence on my life, is about my current age.

So, yesterday, with hair pulled back from my face and wound into a bun in preparation for a facial, I looked in the mirror, straight into my grandmother’s eyes. Yes, they were tired. But they were tired from bold adventure. They were Magna Carta eyes. Eyes that came over on the Mayflower, with a faint trace of lips that said, “Speak for yourself, John.”

The face I was looking at was that of a woman who knows how to make school clothes and curtains from whatever is at hand, can fruits and vegetables in preparation for winter, knead and bake bread, teach school, ride a horse, plant and plow. She has bathed in the kitchen in water heated on a woodstove, made a home from houses old and new and loves to travel. She taught her sons how to throw and catch a softball and football, started her own business, wrote and published a book, and loves to roll with and support the creative endeavors of her children.

Oh wait. I don’t think that last sentence applies to my grandmother.

Why then, do the young men smirk when I take my own car in for an oil change? Why condescend when I ask – and pay – for help with a new car key?

Character, Emotional Health, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being

The end to a perfect evening

August 21, 2013 Cherry 3 Comments

It was this solo girl’s idea of a perfect night out. Okay, so maybe I am a bit too far advanced past a certain age to be called a girl, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a great evening. An Evening Under the Stars; out of doors, professional music, free admission. I was off work by four-thirty, with time for online research while dining on a greens salad topped with chicken tenders. There were even a few parking places left way out by the tennis courts when I arrived.

The Centennial Band was concluding the first piece while I found a comfortable space between families, couples and other solo folks. We settled in to be delighted by the usual Americana and Sousa fare offered at an outdoor concert in the park. When Centennial Band polished off the marches with a decided flourish, a local blue grass band filled the gap while the stage shuffled to make room for strings and added a few principals to form the Grand Junction Symphony Orchestra.

Attired in a casual T-shirt and jeans, Maestro Gustafson conducted the orchestra through a gentle and pleasing repertoire. At the stroke of twilight, the concert was over – not too long and not too short. On second thought; perhaps an encore might have put the plural in the words, An Evening Under the Star(s). After a leisurely walk back to the car on a warm and mild August night, I began the drive home.

How is it that a concert never seems complete without ice cream after? On impulse, I took the drive-through at Burger King, the last possible chance for fast food. Surely, I could splurge one dollar to make the evening complete. “That will be 54 cents at the second window,” chirped the voice. Then began the challenge to consume soft serve faster than it melts while also negotiating 5 on the floor shifting.

I am constantly amazed at the clarity and brilliance of the stars as seen from my own driveway. I decided to finish my ice cream cone outside in the moon glow and starlight.

Meanwhile, I must remind you that I am a very conscientious, dependable, resourceful and prepared person. Yes, I carry a measuring tape in my purse, a drum key, two guitar picks and a P38 can opener in my wallet. I have kept a sleeping bag in my car ever since two stranded motorists froze to death in Denver in 1998. I like to travel off the beaten path – my tent also remains as cargo. You know; shelter in case of delay or breakdown. Depending on the season, either my hiking boots or walking shoes are stored in the car. I am acquainted with snow drifts and road hazards. Because I have had experience living at high elevation and commuting, my car stays well equipped with essentials. Why, just the other day someone commented, “you must have been a Girl Scout.” I take that as a compliment.

The rest of the story I balanced the sticky remainder of the ice cream cone in my left hand. Already the cream had soaked through the bottom of the cone. I unlatched the driver’s side door and shoved it with my elbow. With my right hand I removed the key from the ignition to stop the infernal beeping. Carefully thinking ahead, I reached my right hand under the steering wheel to pop the locks switch so I could grab my purse and jacket from the passenger side later. Drinking in the beauty of the moonlight and stars, I leaned against the side of the car and finished my ice cream. I wiped my sticky hands and sauntered to the opposite side of the car, lingering and star gazing. Sigh. “I’d better go on in.” I pulled the handle on the passenger side. It was locked. But, I specifically remembered UNlocking everything. I hurried to the driver’s side. Locked. The tailgate. Locked. Back door to the house. Locked. Front door of the house locked.

Picture this. At 9:30 p.m. I am standing in my yard in my dress shorts, tank top and casual shoes. I am locked out of my house because my house keys are locked in my car. No problem, I reassure myself. I can sleep outside. I have all survival essentials, blanket, two jackets, shelter…LOCKED in my car. I weigh my options. 9:30 is not an economical time to call a locksmith. Forget that. My phone is in the car.

I could break into my car. I could break into my house. I could walk two miles to my son’s house. But, I am supposed to be at work at 8:30 in the morning and my work clothes are in the house. Come to think of it, my walking shoes and my hiking boots are – wait for it – locked in the car.

A quick inventory of outside tools reveals a vintage metal garbage can, a Christmas tree stand and a storage tub full of abandoned boffers and miscellaneous camp-cooking gear. I was inside the house and dusting myself off within 10 minutes.

No longer do I fear the thieves, vagrants and pranksters. It is I who am a formidable danger – to myself.

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules, Uncategorized

Benefits of hiking solo

August 15, 2013 Cherry Leave a comment

While I agree somewhat with the assessment that wanting to take vacations alone is a sign of unhealthy isolation; there are times solitude is desirable. Today, I am thinking of three reasons I love to hike alone:

freedom to pursue my own pace
opportunity for introspection (the examined life is well worth living).
freedom from embarrassment

Recently, one of my co-workers reminded me, “If you wait to hike until you have a hiking buddy, there are lots of places you will never see.” She is right. I get the most out of seeing what I want, when I want – often on the spur of the moment. And, I enjoy traveling at my own pace.

It is amazing the places you can go, the things you can accomplish at your own pace.

Independence Monument from upper Monument Trail

Last week, I descended 33 switchbacks and a few miles into Monument Canyon. It was steep, slippery, and bruised my toes; but I learned a secret. If you stop and take off your boot, wiggle your toes and readjust your sock, your foot will get a refreshing second wind. I also learned why I love to hike alone. No one rushed me. No one twice my size tried to tow me through the canyon like a two-year-old drug through a shopping mall. No one tried to motivate me to move faster with false concern, “Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe you should have a doctor check out why you don’t have more energy.”

Today, I chose to hike upper No Thoroughfare Canyon. I contemplated John Denver’s lyric, “you know he’d be a poorer man if he never saw an eagle fly.” I decided I would be poorer if I never saw a turkey vulture fly, or heard a red tailed hawk, or had a humming bird buzz my neon backpack. At the canyon bottom, I stood in the cool of the shade, the sun arrested for the moment east of the rock wall, and breathed the early morning mountain scent of piñon pine and it was healthy, oh so healthy, to be alone.

Further along the unmaintained trail came a true scramble. A 30 to 40 foot putty colored dirt slide, devoid of footholds, made a near perpendicular plane into a wash overgrown with dense vegetation. It was going to be a three points of contact slip and slide, maybe four points – make that a five point contact crab crawl. And the best part? No one gave me advice. No one chaffed at how long it took me to choose the best route – or to seriously consider if I could manage the return incline once I got down. No one was there to witness my gamble, or my ungainly ascent, grasping and pawing back up the slide.

Oh, the places you can go, when you choose your own pace!

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Why hermits should sing

July 29, 2013 Cherry 2 Comments

Singing is aerobic. Aerobic activity releases endorphins which promote a feeling of well-being. A feeling of well-being brings happiness. Yes, singing requires an intake of oxygen which is invigorating. A couple of years back, when I was singing with the quartet, I had to remember to finish practicing well before 8:00 o’clock in the evening if I wished to get to sleep on time. You may have experienced the same cause and effect if you play a wind instrument.

Talking is a somewhat aerobic activity. They say friendship talking releases endorphins. Perhaps that is because we feel connected, or maybe because of the intake of added oxygen. I was reminded of this Thursday night on the way back from an outdoor concert. My cousin and I rode in the back seat to chat while her husband drove and a friend rode in the passenger seat. The stars were brilliant and we reminisced about a similar night sky when she was seven and I six years old. The olde tyme simplicity of conversation left me feeling great. A delightful evening well spent. Singing or talking can become downright intoxicating.

Frankly, since I live single, I don’t get a frequent chance to talk just for the sake of getting historic. No problem. Walking or hiking is also an aerobic activity. Walking in the great outdoors, getting a bit of exercise out in nature is another essential for that feeling of well-being.

So, here’s what I am thinking: Unless hermits hike about their caves all day long, they need to be about the business of singing. Obviously, they don’t have cousin Coni to talk with.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing: Part III, used and discarded

July 16, 2013 Cherry Leave a comment

The place was Nashville. The reason? Dove awards. Already that year I had been to Christian Artist’s Seminar in the Rockies and CBA Convention. I was a songwriter. My goal was to make and maintain friendships in the music publishing industry. I had no money to do this on my own, but some mentors who had succeeded in publishing wanted the best for me and arranged for me to be there.

I bolstered my confidence and utter aloneness by dressing for success and headed toward the convention hotel lobby and breakfast. She must have been watching for the likes of me. Her reason for being in Nashville was a business trip with her husband. They had the wealth associated with Texas oil. Awhile back she had written a few stanzas of lyrics that ought to be made into a song. When she arrived in Nashville and found a songwriter’s convention was afoot, she secured a premium, at the door, ticket and waltzed right in; sat right down.

Her friendliness was disarming. She wanted to know everything about the music industry. “You’ve done this before?” she asked. “Tell me everything you know. Come on, I’ll buy you breakfast.” Always ready to help and always ready to share knowledge, I followed her into the breakfast lounge. Also, always considerate of budget – mine or others-I ordered a modest muesli. She had an entrée with sides.

As the time allocated for breakfast drew to a close, a music executive whom I knew from previous conventions stopped by and greeted me. I made introductions. My erstwhile breakfast companion rose and attached herself to him as he exited the breakfast room. Guess who picked up the tab?

I felt used and discarded. I do not like friendship solely for network marketing.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing; Part II Undeserved Shame

July 15, 2013 Cherry Leave a comment

Last time, I wrote that disappointment, was one reason I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing. I am an introvert who responds well to the gregarious nature of extroverts.

Oh, I can smile generously and be well mannered, even friendly from the get go. Stranger or not, I will help you in the moment and we can work together and have fun together. You are welcome in my pool of 50 or more people I am getting to know better; but the minute I feel you are using me, that you pursued the relationship only to recruit me, I am done.

Do not try to manipulate me for your own goals and headcount. Goals, manipulation, headcount, another football decal on your helmet, a notch in your belt; are the reasons I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing.

If I find you have something good to offer, some talent or product, I will not hesitate to pass on your name or promote you. But I will not be bought or pressured. Don’t try to shame, manipulate or cajole a commitment out of me.

Many years ago we answered the knock at the door to find a magazine salesperson. The kind who says they are pursuing a career to keep them off the street. Only this time, it was someone we knew from school days. We invited the young woman in, renewed old acquaintance, served iced tea. Then, we declined to purchase a magazine. There were none we needed and we were on a strict budget. She rose indignantly and left saying, “You wasted my time!”

Experiences like that make me a bit wary of one who has become an e-pen pal. He is a fun correspondent. He has been steadily pursuing common ground. We have found a few similar interests. But, I know this gig. I am waiting for the other shoe to fall. I suspect this will turn out to be friendship evangelism. When will he pop the question (Are you saved?)? I could simply answer in the affirmative, in which case he can cross me off the list and focus on other conquests. Or, I might respond in caveat laden candor that leads to debate. Either way, I predict he will “shake the dust off his feet,” and move on. Given past experience, do you blame me for my skepticism?

I have developed a few online relationships over the past five years. Some with good mutual result which I will highlight in positive posts after I get the loathing out of my system. But right now, I loathe both the disappointment and undeserved shame of friendship evangelism or network marketing.

Character, Emotional Health, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing, Part I

July 14, 2013 Cherry 1 Comment

I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing. I am always in search of more friends. I have a couple of fingers left to fill up in that category referred to as a handful of close friends. I seldom run hastily into new friendships. Once committed to a friendship, I am a pretty loyal soul, so I think long and hard about the cost of friendship before I extend myself.

Last week, while working in a non-profit setting, I met a potential soul-mate. I kid you not, for the first two hours, I thought I was getting to know my new best friend. The energy was there as we began to reveal interests and hobbies in the intervals between working on the project. First of all, both of us love music. Two; we have grown kids. Three; we are world travelers and residents. Four; as musicians we play church and retirement center gigs.

Then, as our project time drew to a close, the energy dwindled and my new acquaintance lost focus on the task at hand. Each time she returned to our conversation, it was to grill me about gigs I had played. We were no longer comparing notes – she was taking notes. I don’t mind sharing my contacts, but her total focus was networking. All the while, what I really wanted was a good friend.

I came away from the encounter disappointed. Just one of the reasons I loathe friendship evangelism and network marketing. Part two – coming soon.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

It must be the fault of all those candles

June 13, 2013 Cherry Leave a comment

Birthdays wouldn’t be so hard if it wasn’t for the candles. The cake looks more like swiss cheese or a mini gopher colony once the candles are removed leaving pocks and potholes where the frosting used to be. My three-year-old granddaughter seizes the candles, licking off the frosting and then double dipping as she waits for me to cut the cake.

This year my candles would be difficult to arrange in orderly rows and ranks; an odd number; a prime age. Prudently and perhaps with a bit of thrift, my mother placed only three candles in the corner of the cake – just for tradition. So everyone could sing by candlelight. I took a breath and blew. Success. My grandchildren clapped and cheered and shouted, “Make a wish! Make a wish!”

Suddenly, I was stuck. Pop quiz! Make a wish. What do I wish for? Blank. Perplexed. It is such a heavy responsibility to have only one wish. There is a fear and shame that goes along with wishes. Fear that you might wish for something and be disappointed. Shame that you are engaging in wishful thinking and should shake a leg and do something about it.

“Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” What if I blow out all the candles and the magic works? What if I wish for the wrong thing, and get it? Let me think this through. If I make a wish, have I committed myself? After all, it is pure laziness to engage in wishful thinking and then take no action to make the thing you want or wish for come about.

What do I want? For me? Wishing and wanting, doesn’t that sound selfish? I have no wants. I don’t know what I want. So then, what do I need? Nothing, really, I have learned to get along. Poke me, I have no feelings. What do I want? I want to do the right thing; or rather, to not do the wrong thing. I want not to make a mistake.

Wait a minute, there is something deep inside that hungers for something more. What is it? What is that niggling thought? Like the spoiled little prince who cried out, “I want something hot as summer and cold as winter,” I am vaguely dissatisfied. I want, I want, something different; something new and wonderful. A new life, a new love, a new location, a new job. Really? Am I wishing for those things? What am I thinking of? What if the new life was just out of the frying pan and into the fire? What if it wasn’t what I wanted and I was sorry I left my old life? Do I even have energy for new love? Do I want a new location? Think, woman!

What is the right thing to wish for? World peace? World prosperity? Are those wishes I won’t feel guilty about? But, can I do anything about it?

Happy Birthday! You are thinking too much again. Who needs a birthday spanking when you can beat yourself up without even trying? It must be the fault of all those candles.

Cherry Odelberg