Category Archives: Spiritual Well Being

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

A collection of recent thoughts

Leave a comment
June, 2010 in Utah

Sometimes, even daydreams get too heavy to carry and we must put them back in the hands of a higher power and take a walk unencumbered. July 6, 2012

I am pretty independent and don’t need to be rescued very often, so I only need a knight in shining armor once in awhile–I guess that’s what grown sons are for. Thanks, Kev  (July 2, 2012)

I experience the joy of true spiritual health when I unswervingly follow the desire that the God of the universe has placed in my heart; not when I am pulled back and forth between this opinion and that, this person’s manipulation, or that person’s idea of what I should be or ought to do. When will I ever learn? July 1, 2012

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Metaphor, Spiritual Well Being

Dead Lizards on the trail

Leave a comment

From time to time while out walking, I come upon dead lizards on the trail and I wonder, “What went wrong?”  How did it happen, on the vast expanse of trails, that these relatively tiny reptiles were in the wrong place at the wrong time?

How did it happen that this relatively tiny reptile was in the wrong place at the wrong time?

These desert canyons and rocks are the natural habitat for Collared lizards, Whiptails, and at least seven other varieties. I hear dozens of them scurrying from the trail and back into hiding or onto a  safe rock each time I hike. Given that a lizard can run up to 15 miles per hour and a bicyclist on this challenging terrain will not likely approach that speed, it seems odd when the two collide.

Male Collared lizard in my front yard, April 30, 2012
Whiptail May 17, 2012

Oh sure, it is life in the fast lane a mile away on the pavement, where bicyclists speed upwards of 35 miles per hour, jackrabbits and cottontails meet their doom when the rubber meets the road on 1/2 ton vehicles; and danger of mashup lurks for the similarly sized deer, elk, cyclist and desert bighorn. Somehow it just seems a bit melancholy to find the lizards on the everyday, ordinary trails of life.  Not in the fast lane.  Not basking in the sun. Not even slain at their post guarding their territory.  Dead at the crossroads, a casualty of mutual happening by. Somehow, I identify with that.

Lizard going about its business, camouflaged and sunning on a rock May 22, 2012
Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being

Change happens on the trails of life

Leave a comment

What a shock when a familiar path is obliterated; when you arrive at a well known trailhead and someone has covered the tracks – intentionally.  Covered the tracks so well with brush strewn here, rocks stacked there, water thrown like rain on loose soil, that you do not recognize the landmarks for the hike you took less than a week ago.

Consider that this is a well trod route, the walk you have taken at least once a week for several months.  Further, it is the most direct walking route to something you prize.  It is the cutoff to where your family lives.  In a pinch, you could walk the way in the moonlight, so well do you know it.

Now, everything has changed. It’s not that you didn’t know change was coming. Your curiosity and adventurous spirit led you to explore bits and pieces of the new trail as you saw the preliminary flags.  You walked the line, never sure you were really entitled to be there, always looking over your shoulder for some angry landowner that had staked claim. But those first indicators were months ago.  The flags went away. Besides, you were never able to see the way clear to where the new trail and the old were to intersect; how to get from here to there.

Not so today.  Today you were jolted from reverie by the realization that you were walking on newly blazed trail. So mind jarring was the realization as you plodded in the freshly disturbed soil, you retraced your steps just to see where you left the old familiar path.  It was hard to find.  That was when you accepted that you were meant to walk the new path.  The old way had been intentionally covered over; covered over by someone in charge.  You were not to go the old way any longer.

It’s time now, to take a little different path to your family, perhaps even to your destiny.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Religion, Spiritual Well Being

Forgiving the meddlers

2 Comments

I know that to forgive does not always mean to forget.  It is not wise to forget the lesson learned through pain or crisis. 

I also know that forgiveness is essential to my personal health; mentally, emotionally, spiritually – even physically. 

I have traveled the lonely miles of grief over relationships lost; pursued the stages; learned to be angry – very angry- and not sin; learned to accept, admit, own – in short, stop blaming and forgive the most significant other involved in the pain and failure. I have tried to understand the other person and in understanding, I have even begun to be grateful for the lessons learned and grateful even to the person who hurt me most; simply through not being the person I needed him to be.

I think it impossible that a man or woman could spend decades in close relationship with another and not have residual affection, memories and understanding that aids in final forgiveness or reconciliation.

But there are others now, whom I must forgive. They are those who put their oar in, interfered, meddled, took sides and spread falsehood in their ignorance. There are those who thought God had given them the insight that what was best for them was best for me.  They scolded me as to what I ought to do.  Having a word from God, they thought it incumbent to force it on me.

Paid professional counselors, when they make recommendations; or on the rare occasion where they give advice; make it clear that there are no guarantees.  The recommendation when acted upon may or may not have the desired outcome. They do not shame or heap blame; they simply make clear the choices.

Novice busybodies on the other hand, advise from their limited information and bias with little regard for the spirit of the one they are accusing and great regard for their own opinions.  In their determination to fix you and make things line up to their sense of right; they may tell you what you need to do and say. In a pinch, if you are not responding according to their rules; they may even say or do it for you.

It is these overly helpful, zealously opinionated folks I must begin to forgive today.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being

Follow your heart – trip over opportunity

Leave a comment

There is nothing quite like a career change or a job hunt to raise the internal debate of  Heart vs. Head.“Follow your head, not your heart!” scream the practical voices, bent on success.“Follow your heart, not your head!” sooth those to whom love is paramount.  So which is it? For most of my life, I have been able to argue both sides to an issue and come to an impasse with myself – without anyone else having to voice an opinion.

heart

It is such a perilous thing to follow one’s heart.  So risky. I mean, that’s your heart out there leading. It could get broken, smashed, stabbed. At the very least, you will expose your soul, become vulnerable. You will cry and you will feel like dying.  What if?  What if I follow my heart and it turns out it is just my imagination? My own rebellious nature?  Now here’s an argument to put fear in the mind of those raised with an overabundance of rules, religion, and regulation:  What if I follow my heart and it turns out to be my own evil desires and lusts?

brain

Following your brain seems like such a responsible thing to do.  It is equally perilous to your self-esteem to follow your brain, not your heart.  If you think it through deeply, if you follow every bit of logic you can muster, weigh the possibilities, twice think through the outcomes, then it is your intelligence you are trotting out there for the world to see, your credentials. Should you fail, you will be labelled for all time as “stupid.” And for the deeply religious and legalistic, again, a trump question:  When you follow your brain, are you just following your own willful nature?

Follow your whims?  Let your brain govern your heart?

So, I can only report what has happened to me.  I have often followed my brain with the result that I became overly responsible. Taking to heart the message that God (or your Higher Power) tells you what to do, but gives you the responsibility of figuring out how to do it, I push and scramble. I try to make it happen – to force outcomes. Like Abraham’s Sarah, I know God promised me a child; so I go find a surrogate mother.

Looking back over my life, the really great jobs have come from times I followed my heart, did what I was created to do, those things in which I found joy; and in the process – I tripped over opportunity. Yes, I say, “follow your heart,” but with this caveat:  make sure you have enough brain, skill and preparation to take hold of the root of opportunity when it trips you.

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

One Year To Live

Leave a comment

As far as I know, I am in excellent health for a fifty year old – and I’m 57. But, think

With my daughter, Thanksgiving 2011

with me for a few minutes; what would change in my life if I was told I had one year to live? Gone would be the long-term goals. In their place, would remain stark priorities; things that could realistically be completed in 12 months if I stepped up the pace. I could not afford to waste any time. My bucket list would be overhauled from, “someday I would like to have a Phd. in Music,” to “what information and knowledge do I need, right now, to make better music?” “I want to be published, and achieve a certain amount of acclaim,” becomes, “I want to write my heart, get it all on paper, for the benefit of those who follow after and the great conversation.” Suddenly, it would be clear to me exactly what I wanted to do and what was important.
People who have only a year to live spend lots more time with family. They renew old friendships and polish up their relationships, making sure all those stories that need to be told are told; that all the words that need to be said are said; that all the missing pieces are put in place. I want to make sure to fulfill my mission, complete my calling, fulfill my heart’s desire, keep my soul in excellent heath by performing lots of music, walking, writing; and reading what philosophers and sages have written. If I had only a year, I would want to maintain good health and an attractive appearance, so that I might go out with a bang, sail into port grandly. To that end, I will cut my hair, iron my clothes, choose my wardrobe carefully. But, one year is not long enough for braces or facelifts. I want to invest in life-long friendships and loving and tending of family. There is no time to waste on pursuing or flirting with new relationships.

I will endeavor to live 2012 as though it is my last year. I will invest more time and soul in family, music, writing, spiritual and emotional health, and friendships. While I want to live as though I have been given only a year; I am not one who can live as though there is no tomorrow. Inevitably the doing of these things – travel to be with family for milestones and memories, daily needs of food and shelter- present financial challenges.
I want to be about the business of putting my house in order; settling my debts; reconciling my accounts; mending fences. A year of life is short. There will be challenges. Never-the-less, I have decided to live 2012 as though it is my one and only year to live.

Books and other Soul Food, Emotional Health, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Oh, the bliss of holiday music

Leave a comment

There is nothing quite like the joy of having heard a good musical concert; having seen an exceptionally  good movie; reading a good book; or going for a walk and having a great intellectual thought.   You find yourself crowing inside, wanting to say to everyone you meet, “Hey, the best thing just happened to me, I am overjoyed.”

What?  What happened?  Did you win the lottery? Meet the person of your dreams?

No, not that.  I…I just heard a perfectly executed, exquisite picardy third last night-from mere high school children; and I am undone.  

Sometimes one great musical moment is enough to make you forget any amateurish antics or dissonance that went before. Beautiful harmonies, well executed, heal the emotion if not the soul. I wish it were not so rare.

It happened to me once in Texas, at a state fair.  The midway was so noisy, the hawkers so abrasive, we acquired headaches and nausea and determined to leave early.  On the way to the gate, we saw that the President’s Own Marine Band was about to perform.  We detoured. The moment the huge bells of euphonium low brass turned our way, mighty decibels of perfectly pitched perfection went straight to our eardrums, soothing as only music can.

“Perhaps,” you will say, “It is all in the eye, the mind, of you – the beholder.”

Ah, yes, and may it continue.  I cannot think of anything better than to be a flesh and blood music amplifier.  Off to church now, in anticipation that the drums and bass will gently rock me toward even more gratitude to the creator for making me thus.

Character, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Photos, Spiritual Well Being

When Debris Becomes Life

Leave a comment

I love to walk. I loved to walk on the beach when I lived in Edmonds, Washington last year.

As I walked on the beach at low tide, I would see interesting debris; things the tide had washed in and then left stranded on the sand or rocks. Besides the usual crabs and kelp, there were empty soda bottles, food containers. Those didn’t stay long.  Either the tide washed them back out, or community minded folk who have adopted the beach strolled by and picked them up, delivering them to the proper recycle receptacle.

There are other relics on the beach; random poles not seen at high tide, remnants of piers and docks that used to be, which are no longer serviceable as anything but roosts for eagles and momentary resting places for seagulls.

From time to time, I saw some rubber gasket like things, about eight inches in diameter.  These were strewn randomly, sometimes caught between two well worn rocks, or half buried in sand.

There is an upscale marina located in the area, I took these halved donuts to be bits of boat or dock protective bumper apparatus.  How careless, thought I, in an otherwise well maintained marina and port; these things are not collected and recycled or tossed. A few times, I thought of asking someone, but just never got around to it.  

Early in July, I was able to attach myself to a noon hour, ranger guided tour of the beach at very low tide. It was here I learned that the supposed gaskets I had been observing were actually egg cases for the Moon Snail. When the Ranger told us this, I thought she was joking; pulling a seaside equivalent of a snipe hunt on us; particularly me, a born and bred inlander, newly arrived at the sea. Further research proved this to be a bonafide bit of marine biology information.

And now, I cannot help but wonder, how many things have happened in my life that I have considered debris, trash; that were actually life giving? How many jobs, friendships, or challenges have I tossed and recycled before they were hatched? How many times have I said, “God, you must be joking!”  When I was staring at a golden opportunity?

Emotional Health, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

All in a day’s walk

Leave a comment

How could I have known this morning when I sallied forth for a fairly routine walk, that it would turn into a 2 1/2 hour adventure down Holey Bucket Trail, connecting to Holy Cross, finally meeting up with the familiar Prenup, and then a two mile walk down Little Park Road to my house? The day was sunny and inviting and the walk could only have been made more delightful by the addition of my water bottle, which I inadvertently left setting on the table at home. I discovered this omission half a mile into my walk, but was not too troubled, since it is fall not blistering summer, and I did not plan to be gone for long.

Despite the recent cold snap, the sun seemed warm, so I risked striking out in my hoodie and gloves. Besides being black, the best thing about my hoodie is the pockets. In them are stowed the ubiquitous cell phone, house keys, and camera.

I made the choice, a few thousand feet into Holey Bucket, to keep moving forward; to see new trail. By the time I reached the juncture of Holey Bucket and Holy Cross, I mistakenly calculated that it was a shorter route to go forward, than to retrace my steps. I have hiked to Holy Cross before, via other trails, but apparently never this section. A mile or so into Holy Cross, I encountered snow; but before the trail met with Prenup, I had doffed my hoodie and tied it around my waist. Soon, I was rolling up my pant legs.

The day was absolutely gorgeous! Who knew that Holy Cross Trail actually boasts a cross? I didn’t. I have yet to see a bucket on Holey Bucket, though I have seen the clunker at the bottom of Clunker Trail. I supposed the name had to do with the shape of the trail as viewed from above; that, and the fact that it is a few miles north of Widow Maker and Prenup, is posted as rugged terrain, and that any biker taking the chance to look up, and not keep his eyes on the trail, would see that his nose was pointed directly toward St. Mary’s Hospital. Accordingly, he would involuntarily shout something like, “Holy Cross, Batman, I’m about to meet my maker!”

Speaking of meeting your maker, I do think I come quite a bit closer to knowing the Maker, and the purpose for which I am made when I spend a good deal of time walking. Many things become clear, centered. Much can be resolved, by simply putting one foot in front of the other and getting a fair amount of extra oxygen into my bloodstream

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

All my prayers get answered, all my dreams come true — for other people

Leave a comment

I feel like all my prayers are being answered and all my dreams are   coming true–for other people.  And, it makes me smile. It is cause for happiness, celebration and joy. What a wonderful feeling to know these things are possible; that education, hard work, sacrifice and focus really do pay off.

The ancient prophecy of Joel promised, “I will restore to you the years the worm has eaten.”  I was jubilant recently, when I witnessed the relational and material successes of a close friend whom I know has slogged through tough times and emotional pain.

The fact that other folks have received things I desire, is not grounds to covet, envy, or resent. It is grounds for celebration.  At times, I am tempted to ask what I have done wrong. Why are all my dreams and longings being answered in the lives of other people, but not in mine?  Maybe so they can be a blessing to me.

Over the past 12 months, I have been privileged to spend numerous days in the homes of various relatives whom material success has smiled on.  Yes, faithful dependable work and sensible investment have paid off, and they are more than willing to share hospitably. Recently, I spent 36 hours of R and R at a cousin’s.  Retired, yet youthful; she and her husband have just used the first two years post retirement to design and build their dream home.  I could soak in her claw foot bathtub, or the hot tub; write in the impeccably decorated guest apartment; or drink in the open landscape forever, while waiting on my dreams and answers.

Yes, recently, I have noticed that all my prayers are being answered — all my dreams are coming true– for other people.  I aim to celebrate and enjoy all their successes to the limit while I wait patiently for mine.