Category Archives: The Petty Pace

The Patience of a Daughter In Law

My daughter-in-law is a great cook. I love being asked to stay and eat at my son’s house when his wife is cooking. I can just run off and play or read with the grandkids, entertain the baby, and after a while the aroma of a healthful meal wafts in pursuit of my growling stomach, inviting me to the table. Sometimes when left to my own devices at home I crave the fresh ingredients my DIL is fond of using: Romaine lettuce, organic zucchini, mushrooms, garlic, cheese… Last week I decided to put together a seven layer bean dip for an extended family get together. But I do not have the patience of my DIL. I had a number of items on my to do list and I really wanted to be out visiting; not in the kitchen preparing. I had a terrible time disciplining myself to stay in one place and dice and assemble the ingredients.

Over the years my understanding of the adjective “gifted” is, “can do without sleep,” And how do I define “gourmet cook”? One who has patience for shopping and chopping.

I am trying to learn patience. I just spent an hour and 20 minutes in the cell phone store.

No Plan B; or the burden of poverty

Sorry to disappoint if you thought this post was a harangue about “the morning after” birth control plan. I am not going to mention that except to say: plan “B” birth control got its name from the original “Plan B”; the thing one does when plan “A” does not work out, or is less successful than anticipated.

In life, Plan “B” (and sometimes even plan “C” and “D” and on through to “Z”) are integral tools in the arsenal of the “can do” person. The “up and take another,” the “don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” or “let’s make some lemonade “philosophy.

Having a plan “B” and a plan “C” is part of thinking things through ahead of time; a part of comprehending that life’s situations are made up of relationships and people; and that because we can’t control people; there are a number of routes a situation can take. It is good to be prepared.

The existence of a plan “B” or plan “C” enables one to take healthy risks in business or other ventures. Plan “B” as a safety net enables confident learning. One is free to fly high and wild and soar to unexpected heights when one has a trustworthy safety net. One is free, as a child or neophyte, to learn a better plan B via mistakes and failures; without committing suicide or winding up in hell because the first experiment failed.

Acapulco, Mazatlàn, Puerto Vallarta; who cares. Somewhere back in time, I knew a couple who traveled to one of these picturesque destinations to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. Upon arrival, they found the weather dismal with a constant drizzle. No problem, they immediately commenced plan “B” and hopped a few hundred miles to an alternate beach and cheerful sun. They were able to switch course “on a dime” because they had a few dimes to spare and with ease could alter travel and lodging arrangements.

Decades ago, I was a Tupperware Lady. One day as I was packing up my wares after a late morning coffee showing, I witnessed the essence of housewifely plan “B” in action. The man of the house was expected home for lunch. The woman was preparing grilled cheese sandwiches. With all the distractions, the sandwiches burned just before he walked in the door. Pulling out a can of tuna and a fresh loaf of bread, the woman never missed a beat; lunch was on the table with only 4 minutes delay.

The huge burden of poverty as I know it; the unrelenting stress; is that there is absolutely no room for error. Cheese and 8 slices of bread is all the pantry holds. Plan “A” must work or the world comes to an end; and the celebration is spoiled. A little bit of breathing room, a savings account, a modicum of emotional wealth; however, and one can self-alter the aim as the target moves. Who cares if it is plan A or Q or Z, as long as we are going with the flow; adjusting the destination as necessary.

Prince Caspian and Things Don’t Happen The Same Way Twice

“Things don’t happen the same way twice,” so said Aslan to Lucy in the movie Prince Caspian. “The wardrobe? Oh, you’ll not get back in again that way,” said the professor to the four children in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. And while we are talking of repetition; DID Moses put a spigot on the rock that gushed out water so the masses could always return to that same rock to draw water? No, they did not return. They kept moving forward. Did Jesus always heal blind men by spitting in the dust and putting mud on the eyes?

Things don’t happen the same way twice. While it is good to have trusted, tried and true resources or counselors; one can hardly keep going back to the same friend or the same resource indefinitely; you would milk them dry. The Higher Power, the Creator, is the only limitless resource and (S)He is not limited in creativity. So it is that as I struggle on through life and relationships; I do not limit myself to one friend, one counselor, one confidant, one book, one doctor. I get a second opinion. I turn over lots of rocks, rather than returning to the same handout all the time. I wait in anticipation to see from whence the next word of wisdom or critical sustenance will come. “There is safety in a multitude of counselors.”

Do I accept counsel without question? No. Discernment is also a gift of the creator. If I pray to my Higher Power for knowledge of his will for me and for the power to carry it out; the result is wisdom and discernment and resources and guidance.

Captain Jack Leaves the Island

“But where’s the rum?” is an oft quoted line from Pirates of the Caribbean

It is doubtful Pirate Jack would have been willing to leave the island if the rum had not run out. I think that’s the way it is with most people, including me. We are reluctant to leave a bad job, relationship, house, church, country, you name it; until the thing we are most dependant on runs out; no longer exists. That thing can be money, security, affirmation, sex, or other significant or seemingly insignificant thing. When it runs out we finally find the courage to slough off all the debris of the launch stages that have supported us this far and rocket on toward who we are meant to be next.

But where’s the rum?

The Prayer that Never Fails

Father Tim and Cynthia are fond of praying it (the prayer that never fails) in Jan Karon’s Mitford series.
I was taught to pray something like it during my growing up years: “Thy will be done”
Trouble is, in my adult years it began to seem like a cop-out; a way that every prayer is always answered; whether one agrees with the outcome or not.  Come boldly to the throne of Grace became, “He’s going to do it His way anyhow, so why even ask?” Then the pendulum swung back the other way, “Name it and claim it! Believe and all things are yours!” After that came a number of difficult years in which I thought things through, decided what needed to happen, and then prayed specifically; pleaded, begged, bargained, and yes; tried to manipulate the behaviors of others through prayer. Finding myself impotent to control the wrong behaviors of significant people through my prayers; I regressed to “He’s going to do it His way anyhow, so why even ask?” I withdrew from the great conversation and left the Sovereign to run the universe His way.

The Prayer that Brings PEACE

It is hidden deep in the twelve steps of AA and other addiction groups and it has become, for me, the prayer that brings peace:

Pray only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out (Beattie, 1987, Codependent No More, p. 175, step 11b)

I am not an alcoholic, nor have I been married to one, so it was almost an accident that I found this step; nevertheless; it brings Peace. Peace from controlling, peace from manipulating, peace from striving to do everything in my own strength.

It is at once enlightening and empowering. It is like being gifted with a powerful flashlight and spyglass at the outset of a grand adventure. I, as the seeker of knowledge and truth, scramble around, poking in every nook and cranny for knowledge of His will and investigating the most outrageous places for the power to carry it out. He is after all, Omniscient and Omnipresent so one never knows where truth or power will turn up next.

Reflect (#1 on the Bucket List)


Grandma MM

Originally uploaded by ein feisty Berg

“Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants…….The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word. But the worries of this life…choke it, making it unfruitful. Matthew 13:7 and 22.”

Over the past several years, I have repeatedly heard speakers lamenting and pointing out the fact that houses are no longer designed with front porches on which to sit and talk with family and neighbors at the end of the day. Companionable reflection rarely happens in our activity laden or television choked lives.

When we moved to the cabin, the porch, or deck, was rather rickety and precarious. Doug reinforced and replaced the pile and beam supports. I bought two patio benches for our anniversary the first year. For a few years we made a nightly habit of sitting and reflecting on the trials and successes of each day. It was a good habit. Reflection is healthy; for the individual and for relationships. By and by the worries and cares of life choked out this reflection time. Once again the struggle to survive became all consuming.

Now I am once again in a place, a time, of reflection as I work on my book and “feel my pain.”

In a previous post, I quoted Christian Counselor, Maryellen Stipe as saying (in part)
“When you fill your life and brain with obsessing … fixing …you mood alter on that (worrying, catastrophising, planning to control the chaos, etc) and you do not feel your own pain, or take care of the issues in your own life. You are so busy living someone else’s life that you don’t live your own life or dreams or purpose”

Reflection.  Reflecting on the pain and the joys in life.  Getting emotionally, mentally, spiritually healthy.  Definitely on my list of 10 things I want to do before I die.  How about this year?

Here’s to an Addiction Free New Year!

 Information you need to know from Christian Counselor and Life Coach, Maryellen Stipe:

Caretaking can be an addiction, an addiction to other people’s problems.  When you fill your life and brain with obsessing on other people’s issues and fixing them you mood alter on that (worrying, catastrophising, planning to control the chaos, etc) and you do not feel your own pain, or take care of the issues in your own life.  You are so busy living someone else’s life that you don’t live your own life or dreams or purpose. This is why co-dependents are called “co” dependents—they are also dependent or hooked on the addiction of their significant person.  Taking on the role of savior in another person’s life is intoxicating because the co-dependent feels so powerful and comforts himself or herself with what a good person (s)he is to look after this loser in her life.  Caretaking is one of the legal addictions of Christians.  It can seem noble but it also steals one’s life away.  Instead of taking her (or his) cues from the Lord about how to live her life, the co-dependent takes her cues from the problem person.  The co-dependent’s life orbits around the problem person rather than around the Lord.  God’s Lordship in his / her life is diminished.  The co-dependent is not free to obey God’s bidding.  He / She lives life focused on the problem (s) of the significant other.  This kind of activity is modeled in many Christian homes and passed on to generations

Ben Feisty

Feisty Berg, Ben Feisty, Mighty Mountain, Terrible Mountain; ornery and challenging.The beauty of the sun setting on 10 inches of snow yesterday as I took my only walk of the weekend.  It makes one want never to leave such a place.The irritation of rising at 5:50 AM in 12 degree weather and donning heavy robe and coat over the two nightgowns, lacing up snow boots, negotiating slippery stairs (no snow to sweep first this morning) to trek to the outside entrance of the basement where the alternate potty is.  Now that makes one want to take the first train toward civilization. On the other hand; who needs a train when one has the world at ones’ fingertips with high speed internet?  I should feel guilty for complaining: others are homeless and without electricity. Dear readers, I must run.  Today I must prepare for three holiday and concert performances AND post grades via the internet.  Happy Monday!  

Life Right Now

Life right now is:Teaching K through Sixth Grade Music

Teaching private piano lessons at home

Rehearsing the children’s music and drama team at church for a Christmas production

Rewriting the Mythical Musical for the 6th grade at school so that everyone who wants to speak can have a part

Encouraging and challenging a talented 16, almost 17, year old

Getting the Cabin ready to show and sell

Feeling hopelessly weighed down with debt, bills, and splintered relationships

Knowing that I have changed and that some around me may never

Loving the fact that another young adult has launched and is a successful college freshman

Struggling to light a woodstove after 6 years of practice and success

Searching for kindling in the snow

Sweeping up the mess of sawdust and chips after lighting a fire

Trying to keep sinks clean when the men are working dirty jobs

Going outside and down stairs to the composting toilet because the septic holding tank is full

Putting my boots on and lacing them just to walk to the car or the downstairs

Actively trying to find and build relationships with other women while knowing I may move soon

Wanting to give my best to those close to me and knowing I am empty emotionally, and bankrupt financially.

Remembering to make my walk and sunshine time a priority as a spiritual, emotional, and physical health prescription

Why do the essential things always get crowded out in the clamor of the urgent?