Dear Readers,
I am taking a poll. It is multiple choice. Please answer A, B, or C.
I was never crowned Miss America or Miss USA because:
A) I do not look like a Barbie Doll
B) I have an opinion, but I am inarticulate and cannot express that opinion
C) I have a traditional opinion which differs from yours
Dear Reader. why do you think I, your very own Eine Feisty Berg, was never crowned Miss America?
If the thought of trying to persuade or influence others fills you with anxiety; I have a solution for you: Learn what the rules are. Memorize them. Once you have them memorized and you commit to doing them religiously; all you have to do to persuade or influence (or control) others is to remind them what the rules are.
Then, instead of conversing and convincing, weighing information, sharing ideas, engaging in deep thought, you just decide everything by the rules. You say, “You can’t do that!” The other person says, “Why?” You say, “Because it is against the rules.” If you find yourself in a situation where you really want someone to do something for you or you want someone to do something your way, don’t bother to ask them (they might feel the freedom to say no) just make a new rule- a new application of one of the older rules. This saves an incredible amount of discussion. You will no longer have to waste time thinking things through. You will never have to weigh decisions; just consult the rules.
Example: Everyone knows that murder, stealing, adultery and the like are sins. But, what if you see me (or I see you) doing or about to do something you don’t want me to do? Well, instead of telling me directly, “I don’t want you to do that,” it is easier to say, “The Bible says to flee the very appearance of evil; and THAT appears (appearances are terribly important here) to be bad to me, you don’t want to go against God’s rules, do you?”
Don’t talk about it. Don’t engage in discussion. Of what use is discussion and talk? Discussion might lead to compromise; and compromise, of course, is wrong, evil, a sin to be avoided. Decide what you think is right and then…Make another rule.
Hey, if everyone just lives by the rules; you might not even have to engage in relationships. Your character will be set for life. You won’t have to grow or learn anything new –as long as you know the rules and simply live by them.
Never, ever, make someone feel bad. Its not nice to make someone feel bad. Nice people never make someone feel bad. So if you are a child, be very careful that you never disobey your parents. If you disobey, even once, it will make your parents feel bad. Your mother will say, “Don’t you love mommy? It makes mommy feel bad when you do not obey.” If you do not obey your father he will say, “What have I done wrong that I have raised a child that does not obey.” He will feel bad. You don’t want to make anyone feel bad.
If you are a student at school or a worker in an office, never succeed above your peers. It makes them feel stupid if you get a better grade on a test or if you can naturally do a skill they have not yet mastered. Do not make them feel bad by being better than they are. Everyone knows it is not nice to act better than someone else. Hide your skills. You do not want others to feel bad.
If you are an adult in charge of others, don’t correct your underlings when they make an error, encourage them instead. If you correct them, they may feel bad and think you are not a nice person.
If you are a spouse, take care that you never make your mate feel bad. Instead, choose words that encourage. If you disagree, never infer that your spouse’s position is wrong. You must put things in the best light, beat around the bush, change your position if you find yourself coming dangerously close to the heart of the matter. Never ask them to do something they don’t want to do. You must not make them feel bad.
If you are writing or speaking to any of the general public, be sure you choose a vocabulary that is positive and uplifting whether it gets the point across or not. Otherwise someone will say, “That’s too preachy,” and you will be devastated that you almost went to press with something that would make someone feel bad. You must never, ever, make someone feel bad. Nice people just don’t do that.
Congratulations! You have made yourself responsible for the feelings and happiness of everyone else. You are now codependent.