Category Archives: Uncategorized

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Hiking and outdoor beauty, Leadership, Uncategorized

The best leaders have a solid Plan B

September 11, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

Give me this mountain! I posted. Many of my friends thought I was out hiking a 14er. Justly accused of being obscure on social media, I was actually quoting song lyrics and an ancient Israeli spy story. I offered the caveat, Many of us face challenges in life. What is your mountain today? Truth be known, the mountain I was contemplating that particular day had to do with career change.

Story of my life, whether work or relationships A few days later, still referring to the same professional challenge, I commented, I may despair at first, but I am the type of person who rallies and then hangs in there past the point where all hope is gone. Not sure if this is tenacity or stubbornness; loyalty or denial.

Want to go to Crested Butte? Lift your spirits. Climb a mountain?countered a friend.

Our first day of hiking was perfect and according to plan; familiar to the two others and new to me. Lots of sunshine, a little rain and wading, awesome beauty, followed by hors d’oeuvres, a bus ride and dinner out. My hiking partner was returning to an old favorite haunt and wanted to show our host – a longtime resident of the area – a new trail. Day two we would log unexplored territory, a stream crossing in a Subaru and numerous negotiated puddles, a number of footwear and layer changes and hopefully a view over a divide. The weather forecast sunshine and a minuscule chance of rain. It rained all night. The drizzle continued but patches of blue sky made us hopeful. We forded the stream, negotiated puddles, forged ahead into the gathering clouds and pelting rain. Socked in. So much for trust in the weatherman. On the other hand, I had confirmed my trust in someone else. My hiking partner was an impeccable leader, someone to be trusted. In the first place, she confidently powered through the ford. Secondly, she knew when to turn around and turn around we did – instead of stubbornly forcing our original plan.

Our leader unrolled plan “B”, or should I say, unfurled plan “B” for it was grand and we joyously followed. For me it turned out to be a rapturously rejuvenating hike. We caught the chairlift up and then summited Mount Crested Butte on our own legs. We saw pikas, deer, chipmunks, mushrooms, blue spruce and vistas that spanned the Continental Divide peeping into Maroon Bells and myriad Colorado counties. We got as high as possible. 12,162 feet high. Colorado Rocky Mountain High – without the aid of any legal or illegal green pharmacy.

I learn a lot about myself when I hike. This time I acknowledged the type of leadership and companionship I prefer. Oh the places you can go with a trusted leader. Too many times I have followed where leadership was either unsure, experimental and tentative, or stubborn and brash. I cherish those who are innovative enough to forge ahead, patient enough to think and explain, and likewise know when to retreat and regroup. It is important to have options. Sometimes plan “B” is the perfect plan all along.

A tree grows in stone on Mount Crested Butte

Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Hiking and outdoor beauty, Relationships, Uncategorized

Of Rocks and Relationships

September 6, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I am single. She is single. We’ve both been around the block a few times. A couple of those trips ended at the alter and ultimately in divorce for both of us. Through it all, we have remained friends. We are occasional traveling or hiking buddies.

Ouray is always a good idea and it could not have been a finer morning on the Perimeter Trail. We found access easily enough. All streets lead to trails and I had camped, content and solo, there a few weeks before. Layers off in the sun. Layers on in the shade. It was an active day as we made our accent, then cut across a meadow dotted with wild flowers. Carefully, we chose our footing while descending slick dark rocks with deep claw marks of a glacier. Deep gorges and a footbridge across a waterfall took our breath away and left us weak-kneed to tunnel through caverns and surmount a mega-sized flume with the aid of a stile. Trekking between the flume and a magnificent rock wall, I was suddenly overcome by the majesty of it all. I cast myself on the rock, embracing it with all the expansive wingspan I could muster. My heartbeat pressed into the comfort of sun warmed Precambrian.

“Oh God,” she cried out spontaneously, “Give me a man like this rock!” But what I was thinking was more along the lines of Jane Austen’s perspective when she writes Elizabeth Bennet to say, “Adieu to disappointment and spleen. What are men to rocks, and mountains?”

I hug trees. I pat rocks. I embrace nature. Nature embraces me. I am comforted.

Books and other Soul Food, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Hiking and outdoor beauty, Metaphor, Uncategorized

A Hike and Write Challenge

August 26, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

She threw down the gauntlet in such a casual way via Facebook private message. “Why don’t you,” she said, “Write an essay like this about our hike today?” Very well. I love to hike. I love to write. The only problem is, the example she attached is that of a well-known uncategorical naturalist, wilderness lover and advocate. So what am I supposed to say? “Move over Edward Abbey, I am here to write poetically about today’s hike with another great old broad – a regular rock toucher – a tree hugger – a lover of dirt in the great outdoors and fastidious, clean, professional detail indoors”

Contemporary that I am, I am no Meloy, Childs or Tempest. In fiction, I write about the philosophical struggles of relationships; girl meets boy, nefarious religion tamed, childhood injustices overcome. Truth is, the best way to ferret out these bits of philosophical thought and what I really think is to take a hike. Sometimes a stroll by running water, other times rigorous switchbacks on high desert boulders, and still less frequently, a hike with a friend.

“I believe that there are semblances between seemingly disparate ideas if we can stand back and see a larger picture.” Terry Tempest Williams

Very well then, I whole-heartedly agree. I take up the challenge – daily.

Family, Photos, Relationships, Uncategorized

Undercover movie stars and Facebook stalking my grown kids

August 23, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

I had been writing for several years and was already published as a High Timber Times correspondent when I started blogging in 2006. My daughter-in-law had a photo blog, which she updated regularly with photos of my infant grandsons; and she was honing her writing skills by blogging with other young mothers. Shortly, I became addicted to the daily routine of checking out the internet and composing comments.

By 2008 conventional author wisdom said writers needed a platform on Facebook. Dutifully, I built a profile. The first friends I chose were my technology wise children. With the oldest in media business, the second in college and the third in high school, I lurked, I stalked and basically kept up with their busy lives by watching for daily photos and conversations.

I visited college. I met my daughter’s dorm mates and support network. I friended some. Others made insightful comments. I followed them. I met my younger son’s girlfriends. I shared prom pictures. Some of the girls remain my Facebook friends today.

So really, is it any wonder I proceeded to “research” my daughter’s new network when she began working high in the mountains at an adventure camp this summer?

Of course I began with Facebook. For starters, I had to find the last names of the young men by cross-referencing mutual friends. Then I plugged a name into Google.

Up came a series of images. The usual suspects. An accountant. A couple of college professors. A farm-team athlete. Gasp! But, who was this movie star? Hot. With a photo like that you’d have to be a household name like Zac Efron. Maybe James Marsden. Well-known heartthrob! Yet, the features are unmistakably those of said co-worker. But the hair! The clothes! Expensive. The obvious mark of a professional. Publicist. Stylist. Savvy photographer. “Andrea,” I croaked aloud, “do you have any idea who you are working with?” Alert! Movie star undercover at AIE Base Camp!

Leather jacket. White, white for the T-shirt. Confident and engaging pose. Reminiscent of, of…. Wait – let me think while I fan myself. That’s it! Senior pictures. Reminiscent of the senior pictures of my youngest son. Photo shoot compliments of my oldest son.

Who is this undercover movie star who works with my daughter in the wilds of Colorado? Relax mom, these are only senior pictures of a hot teenager with intuitive style. And the artistic work of a savvy professional photographer!

Philip Shellabarger 2009, Photo credit Kevin Decker, Paradice Studios

Books and other Soul Food, Fiction is Truth, Uncategorized

A Tale of Two Books

July 5, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

Birthdays are the best of times when your primary gifters are bibliophiles and the package arrives on your birthday. My parents will gift me – usually money – since I am known to be picky; but my Brother and Sister-in-law, consummate gift givers, inevitably send a book – as does my cousin.

We are readers, thinkers, cerebral. We trade ideas. Theirs are stronger. I usually lose. Except when it is my birthday or Christmas and then I reel in the catch. Not one, but two books this year. Two books arrived right on the day.

I opened them hastily and devoured the note. “Happy Birthday, Cherry, Signature was a pleasant surprise to me…Though science wasn’t the the focus, she (Elizabeth Gilbert) had an impressive grasp on the field….Hope the other one is good. Women at King’s English love it.”

Almost reverently, I opened the cover of The Signature of All Things, and began reading immediately. It was my Friday, so reading irresponsibly was an option. Good thing I had flexible time, because it was a page-turner. I had to agree with my S-I-L, “It pulled me in, pushed me away, called me back…” Deftly written, with succinct word choice, I got just enough character sketch to profoundly understand the players. Fully enlightened with authentic Victorian vocabulary, social customs, sexuality, ideals and intellectual thought, the writer takes an epic anthropological and historical safari through Darwinism, abolitionism, 19^th century religion, and nods forward to Freud’s eventual analysis of human relationships.

Next day I met my cousin for lunch. She handed me a gift bag commenting something about the women in her book club and reminding me I could exchange the book if I already had it. I never exchange books, I just gift them on to someone else. I knew I had not read it, but the cover looked vaguely familiar, The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry.

Back in my room I continued my mesmerizing read of Signature. There were times I wept and times I wanted with everything in me to resist the inexorable magnetism toward penultimate redemption, to hope against hope for a relational ending different than the inevitable. Abruptly, came a moment of suspense. Page 344 was followed by page 377. Unannounced cliff-hanger! Idly, I toyed with the idea of turning to the second book. But this would not do. Signature, is the type of book that stays with you, lives in your head while you go about your work and play. Nevertheless, I unsheathed the other book. Sure enough, it was twin to the one in the gift bag from my cousin. I switched off the light and fell asleep.

For the next few days, I took a reader’s hiatus. Summer being the busy season at work, there is not much opportunity for reading once you allow for overtime.

Following work one evening, I grabbed a quick dinner to go and stopped at Barnes Noble intending to find and read the missing 33 pages. There on the bargain shelf – for under $6.00 – was the book I sought. Hearing my story of missing pages, the clerk surmised that was the reason for the crate of hasty discounts. We checked the pages. Intact. What is the harm in purchasing a duplicate book? Already, I knew it to be the most well-written book of the decade – though not my favorite.

And that is how there came to be duplicates of two very good reads on my nightstand.

Yesterday was a holiday. I opened The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry at 5:00 pm. I closed it at 11:15 pm. I am not sorry I own two copies. One will go on loan immediately.

Have you read these two books? You should. Immediately. Which shall I loan you first?

Character, Emotional Health, Relationships, The Rules, Uncategorized

Marriage, I do not think it means what you think it means – musings by a marriage cynic

June 30, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

Some of my friends – and mostly friends of friends – are euphoric. A few days ago the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that any mutually consenting couple of any gender may marry, in any of the 50 United States, and be legal. Forget common law unions, you can have a little piece of paper that says you are legally hitched. You who celebrate, may I ask what you have gained? If Millennials don’t marry, if Baby-boomers once believed in free love anyway; who is this marriage ruling for exactly?

Marriage

You may say this Supreme Court ruling was in favor of love. Will marriage guarantee you are loved? For centuries couples have married for love and just as many (if not more) have married for security, power or position. The legal act of Marriage does not put an end to longing and yearning. You will not be alone anymore, but you may still be lonely. Married or not, your love may or may not last.

You may say this ruling makes it possible for those in love to make a legal commitment. Let me know how that works for you. In my experience, people who are committed are committed with or without the legalities and people who are commitment- challenged are not magically changed by a legal document.

Is this SCOTUS ruling resoundingly in favor of sanctioned sex? As a consummate legalist, this where I bit the dust, not once, but two times. What is it about this word sanctioned that adds catalyst to sex? If there is any more powerful motivation than sex, for a legalist, it must be the word sanctioned. What else is motivation enough for giving up your good birth name and taking on that of another? For becoming collateral? For placing all of your worldly goods, talents, reputation and education at the behest of a spouse – legally – so you have to go through an even more convoluted legal process if you ever want to get back what was yours in the beginning?

Do you think this ruling insures society’s affirmation and acknowledgement of your relationship? Opinion or Feelings are deeply rooted and not often changed by mere laws. There were people who did not sanction nor acknowledge my second marriage. It was legal. It was reasonable and well thought out. No matter the reasons or legalities – I was a divorced woman so a second marriage could never be acknowledged.

Do we need this ruling to legitimatize procreation? It no longer takes a conjugal relationship of one man and one woman to procreate. I know of more than one family that consists of a committed man and woman and a test tube baby.

Do you see this as a nod in favor of companionship? You can have solid, caring committed companionship without the legal paper that says you are married. Loyal friendships often endure for decades, simply because they are unchallenged by the legalities of marriage.

Do you think legal marriage automatically provides medical benefits? I was married for a total of 31 years. During only eight of those years did I enjoy medical coverage as a benefit of legal marriage.

To raise children! Perhaps that is the most worthy goal for legal marriage. It takes two. At times, it even takes a village. Preferably extended family. My heart goes out to the single parent trying to give the best life possible to children who do not have two very present parents fulltime. Once again, I am not convinced that a marriage certificate guarantees a stable childrearing team, but yes, let’s do our best to provide a nurturing environment for the children.

It is my sad conclusion, after a lifetime of experience and observation, that you cannot legislate morality or love or commitment; nor control it with a bit of legal parchment.

Truth is, there are many wonderful things to be had with or without the benefit of legal marriage:

Love

Companionship

Commitment

Procreation

A village

Sex

Respect

Independence

Nature

Music

Beauty

In spite of my litany of negatives, some people still want desperately to be married. And some need desperately to be sanctioned. Though I’m sticking with Inigo Montoya, in conclusion, may I heartily say,

“Dear Friends of every inclination,

May you be happy; may you be merry;

May you be gay and marry;

But most of all, may you love and be loved in return.”

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

When octogenarians fail to individuate

June 23, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

The woman was barely in her sixties, trim, fit, well-kept; in fact, she still shopped for her clothes in the junior department, not because she was an ill-adjusted old lady, but because clothes from every other department had to be adjusted to fit. She didn’t look a day over 45. She arrived at the party late, when things were breaking up and people were dispersing – an accurate indicator of her desire to be somewhere else, maybe up in the mountains, solitary. A distant acquaintance had invited her to this neighborhood party – pressed her to come – to someone else’s neighborhood. Her parent’s neighborhood. So she curtailed her hiking activities on her day off and slid in – to old home plate -just in time to greet the other guests and wave goodbye.

For a moment, her eighty-two-year-old mother’s face lit with pleasure on seeing her. Then a passing and quickly veiled expression of shock was directed toward her still shapely and tan legs protruding from stylish shorts, followed by composed greeting and introductions. Octogenarian Mama covered well, but her compulsions did not escape the 60-year-old woman. Mama tugged two or three times at the side of her own skirt bringing the fabric ever lower over her knees. It was a familiar gesture to the woman, one her mother employed liberally during the teen years to remind the daughter to cover her legs, to be more modest. 42 years. 42 years later, Mama could beam with pride outwardly, yet her subconscious betrayed her embarrassment through compulsive action.

It would be uncharitable to infer the older woman had not grown over the years. In as much as she was capable, within her limits, she made the effort to acknowledge the changes in culture, the successes of her children, to express her pride in their achievements, though they were certainly not making the exact choices she instilled in them. Like most mothers of grown children, she wanted to be a part of their lives as often as possible. And like most grown, well-adjusted adults, the children pursued lives of their own in other cities and visited their parents sparingly. Healthily, the children, it seems, have become successful individuals. It is Mama who has failed to individuate. One simple gesture revealed volumes. She still sees the daughter as an extension of herself. Daughter’s legs are showing and she is mortified. Who can save her from the shame? Only herself. She must shake off that mortification and individuate. Learn to be happy and at peace by savoring her own independence as a unique individual. Respect and applaud the independence and individuation of others. She is no longer responsible for her children. Her reputation does not rest on them. And, in truth, they are not responsible for her happiness.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Relationships, Spiritual Well Being, The Petty Pace, Travel, Uncategorized

Detour to self care

May 25, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

Surprise! I took a detour on the way home! It’s about time! At the ripe of age of 60, I am finally learning how to take care of myself.

When I left work on Monday night, I knew it was high time for a little self-care. I was stressed, rattled and burned out. It was the beginning of my weekend. What could I do to restore my spirit? Piano practice, walk meditation and even a bit of sleep were preempted in a bid to pack, load and get on the road early Tuesday morning. Severe weather warnings forecast snow above 10,000 feet and portions of I-70 I would be traveling. The scenery through Glenwood Canyon was gorgeous. Snow was falling to the west and the east of Vail. Georgetown Visitor Center was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

I lingered there in Georgetown, to fortify my body and emotions for the climb through Bergen Park, Evergreen and finally to the cabin I called home for seven years. I collected my daughter Andrea and her belongings at high noon as previously agreed. 12 o’clock straight up turned out to be lunchtime, so we joined her dad for a quick sit-down meal at Qdoba and then moved forward. At teatime, we dropped in on an old college roommate in Gunnison. We arrived at AEI basecamp at 6:00 p.m. after a few miles of power driving in the mud and were hospitably welcomed by the staff. A quick unload and a nice evening walk through the woods ended up in the chapel with a piano. A walk. A piano. I slept well. Another mountain hike next morning continued the work of beauty and restoration on my spirits so I was not in bad shape at all as I made the descent from Black Canyon to Montrose.

And then, it happened. Spontaneously I made the best decision of the day, I turned left toward Ouray. I checked myself in to the Wiesbaden hot springs and was the only individual in the pool and the vapor cave for nearly an hour. The first dip had my heart and voice crying thanksgiving. Wow.

Proper self-care requires thought and work. Good, intentional choices.

Sometimes, self-care costs a little extra in terms of logic – self-talk to keep yourself from feeling guilty. I was raised not to play until my work was done. Not to take care of myself until I finished taking care of others. I learned early on; my work was never done. Over the years, I discovered the needs of some others were like a black hole – the more care you lavish, the more they need. While self-sacrifice is an essential component of love, self-sacrifice as a goal in itself is not worthy.

When I am not quite at peace for known or unknown reasons, a combination of good choices seems to put me back on the right track. Putting yourself on the right track is the only way to stay fit to care for others or work efficiently.

Good choices in self-care may entail leisure, a vacation, a favorite activity. Many of those activities cost money. So I work, and I work hard, to be able to afford to take care of myself.

This time my little detour cost me about $50. I had to get through the guilt of spending $50 on myself with nothing tangible to show for it.

It would not have been possible to take care of myself in this way – or even support my daughter with transportation – but for my full time job and a difficult choice I made last August. I moved in with roommates.

It was a hard choice, because the solitude of living alone is also a way I care for myself. On the other hand, shared expenses leave more wiggle room for travel and spontaneous detours. What do you need to take care of yourself?

Music? A good book? A hike? Travel? Sleep? A 60-mile detour and dinner out?

Get on with it ! May you be energized by a new perspective!

Uncategorized

The usual suspects and their alibis – a scenario in which I feel strangely affirmed

May 13, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

The package was suspect from the beginning. The return address indicated online mail order shipping. I did not order anything, so I held it at arm’s length and gingerly pulled the tear strip, shielding my eyes lest something sinister or invasive explode into my living space.

Boom! It was a T-shirt. Black. Presumably in honor of Mother’s Day since my birthday will not come for another month. Common but for the text that made my knees weak and caused my heart to sing.

The material evidence that caused me to roll-call the usual suspects

But who was it from? “Your kids?” My helpful roommate suggested. I shook my head. “Are they not musicians?” Yes. Yes they are. All of them. “Even the youngest?” Yes. Especially the youngest.

Especially the middle one.

The middle one. Girl drummer. With the band.

Especially the oldest.

Kevin at the Mesa, 2010 With the band. — Kevin at the Mesa, 2010
With the band.

“Well, I confess,” she said, looking like she had inside information, “it wasn’t me.”

But who? Let’s round up the usual suspects and hear their alibis.

My parents: generous, but never order anything online with a credit card

My daughter: flat broke. Just returned from missions trip. Ready to start new job.

My oldest and D-I-L: suspect, but not their style.

My youngest: not his style, though he designs and works textiles.

My other roommate and longtime friend: generous, busy hosting her own family during the specified time.

Friend and former co-worker: implicated because she was guest at a birthday party where the live band consisted largely of my three children and she retains details like that in her mind.

My favorite band - live at my birthday party — My favorite band – live at my birthday party

Cousins: I have 32. Three have been known to gift and acknowledge me in musical ways.

Brother and S-I-L: Always culpable when it comes to generosity and gift giving.

Ex-husband: Highly unlikely. I have two. One would be capable of this. One not.

Current friends: Thoughtful, insightful; would they do this for a lark? If they could. Like me, their first gifts, allegiance and obligation go to their own families and futures.

A dozen writer friends: Would they dream up something like this to create mystery or fulfill a good story? You bet. They get it. They are also starving writers.

Past coworkers and friends who know me well: Though the memories remain, the past is in the past.

Miscellaneous benefactors: They gave already this year in the form of symphony tickets.

A multitude of old Band Mates and Choir Mates on Facebook: Doubtless guilty of sharing information that led to this incident. Uh huh. Indicted as accessories.

I am pretty sure now who gifted me this T-shirt (As always, the one you least suspect) but it was heartening to round up all the suspects – more than 50 – who can be accused of the motivation, interest and generosity to carry out a plan like this. You see, recently I have been feeling overlooked -starved for affirmation. Analyzing this mental list of suspects made it clear just how blessed I am!

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Travel, Uncategorized

Sale! Or, why you should take the zip line

April 14, 2015 Cherry Leave a comment

What makes a vacation?
According to my daughter-in-law, it is not a vacation if you wake up cold. When I woke up in Mueller State Park on April 9 it was 22°. My fault for choosing a campsite in excess of 9,000 feet elevation with peak views. I was in a sleeping bag in the back of my Subaru with two quilts on top. For me, the reason it didn’t feel like vacation was that the showers weren’t open. I love my daily bath. Hot and cold running water are the two great luxuries of life.

It’s not a vacation if you left a messy desk back at the office and carried the worries with you. I tried to leave everything in order at the office so others could function with ease. I scheduled several posts in advance. After three days, I even stopped checking my email.

It’s not a vacation if you are so tight on money you brought the left-overs from the fridge and that is all you have to eat. My hamper was stocked with chips, nuts, fresh apples and avocados, and planned camp stove meals.

It’s not a vacation if you take it during spring break and your taxes are not yet done. Someone earned money doing my taxes this year. It was every bit the luxury of the years’ worth of pedicures it cost.

It’s not a vacation unless you have time to read and write. Next time, I will do less driving and more writing.

It’s not a vacation unless there are pianos along the way. I make it a point to play every accessible piano I encounter. This included the piano at St Catherine /St. Malos – in the mountains and intentionally scheduling time in downtown Ft. Collins with the pianos about town.

Our Lady of the Mountains St. Catherine / St Malos

It’s not a vacation unless there is plenty of laughter. Loved, loved, loved travelling with my daughter for three days. It was even better when we met up with my youngest son.

It’s not a vacation unless there is wiggle room for spontaneity. Despite being admitted to Royal Gorge on the senior rate, I essayed to ride the zip-line. It was too windy, so I saved myself 40 dollars. Just like money saved at a sale, this savings cost me more in the long run. Remember what I said about hot and cold running water being the two great luxuries?

Vacations should feel luxurious. Do you know how many campground showers remain closed for the season? Do you know how many hot springs there are in the Rocky Mountains?

Vacations are for enjoying as many as possible. Just keep telling yourself, “I saved $40 on the zip line. Surely I can afford this.”

I saved $40 on the zip line. Surely, I can stay another day!

Cherry Odelberg