Category Archives: Uncategorized

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

But I feel loved

September 2, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

My necklace and my earrings don’t match, but I feel loved. It has taken me a long time to admit this, but gifts are one of my love languages. According to experts on the subject, there are five different love languages; words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. As I once told a counselor, I am adaptable. I would be happy to receive love in any of the languages. For many years, there was silence.

Growing up, service was deemed the paramount love language. The only type of worthy quality time was time spent in service. I understand some of the reasons for this bias. Service does not cost anything but time and effort. My family did not have the monetary wherewithal to engage in the language of gifts. I was taught to serve and serve I did – to the point I assumed service was my primary love language.

When I first began to see that I loved and longed to receive gifts, I felt guilty. Because – said the unwritten rules – to crave gifts was to be materialistic.

When I acknowledged I had a penchant for wanting to give gifts; a knack for running a gift store that specialized in finding just the right gift for the important people in life; I finally woke to the fact that gifts must be my love language.

Some years ago, my sister-n-law gifted me a set of turquoise earrings, a genuine act of love as she likes the stone as well as I and could have kept them for herself. For a milestone birthday, a cousin delivered a delicate pearl and diamond pendant. Lovely. A proper gift from lord to lady, but I have no husband, so family filled the gap. These days, if I am having a particularly lonely or insecure morning, I dress with care for work. I fasten on my necklace; thread the turquoise dangles through my earlobes.

My necklace and earrings don’t match, but I feel loved. Thus fortified, I sally forth to conquer the world.

Character, Family, Goals and Dreams, Uncategorized

Moving Conversations

August 17, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Me: Dear friends and family, I am moving to forward my financial future and commence my bucket list. By house sharing with a couple teachers, I can pay off my student loan faster, keep the car in repair and maybe even travel more; rather than living solo in a place I love but barely making ends meet.

Cousin one: Great financial plan

Cousin two: Good business thinking

Sister-In-Law: Your decision is unquestionably the right and responsible one.

Brother: The opportunity is great.

Daughter: Positive move. I see you living in community.

Friend: I absolutely love how you’re taking great care of yourself.

Parents: If you need a place to stay you could move into your old room.

Sometime later:

Me: The way I see it, I can either pay professional movers $275 to move my piano 5 miles, or, I can buy dinner for three strong men with a truck.

Woman One: You need to throw in a six-pack.

Woman Two: Please don’t ask my husband to help.

Friend: I can get a male friend with a truck.

Parents (80 years old): We will help in any way you ask us to.

Me: Thank you, Mom and Dad. I need you to go to Chipotle at 5:00 p.m. and pick up the meal for the movers.

Parents: Okay, we will be there at 4:30 to help you move the piano.

Cousin: I have the necessary equipment. A good piano dolly, an enclosed trailer with low floor, ramp tailgate, and good straps to secure it. . .Sorry I am 1100 miles away.

Oh, the irony.

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

How do you mend a broken heart?

August 8, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

In my dream, I was driving the ’78 Cutlass down a rockslide. (Not just any Oldsmobile, but the one I drove off the lot in November, 1978; the Cutlass Supreme with only 7,000 miles on it. That car took me in style to the DMV at the courthouse where I paid an exorbitant fee for license tags causing the young man behind me to gasp, “what are you driving lady?” It pulled a fully overloaded U-haul trailer all the way to Chicago, saw one child learn to drive, and hauled me to the hospital for the birth of the other two. Patiently, the Cutlass hung in there for trips from Dallas to Colorado until the youngsters graduated from car seats to regular seatbelts. It was sad to sell it after 20 years and a rebuilt engine.)

Confident, cautious, and dependable I navigated the talus that was the rockslide. Our ride was as smooth as a buggy trip on a cobblestone street – until we came to a drop-off. No mere 4-wheel-drive vehicle could breach that step. Heavy road moving equipment – maybe. One option would be to back up the rockslide. It was then I found out the trip down had not really been as smooth as a cobblestone street. Another solution might be a helicopter or a crane. I acknowledged my problem, turned off the engine, removed the keys, exited the car and left it there. Surely, given time, I would be able to solve the problem.

So ended the dream.

I am a morning person. I love waking up with the sun – with a fresh perspective. Over the past 6 months, I have experienced (again) a series of intermittent days or weeks – not every day – where I wake up depressed, a little bit blue, with that sinking feeling. You know the one. As I came gradually toward consciousness this morning, I could tell it was a gorgeous day. Sunshine. Birds chirping. Gentle breeze with the scent of pinion pine, dew-kissed desert, lavender. What could be more delicious? Then came the dread. I longed to roll up in a ball and hide in the depths of my bed. “Emergency, emergency,” clanged my emotions, “Rise and shine. Commence self-talk. Up by the bootstraps, now. Make yourself feel better.”

But, instead of self-talk, I listened. This is what I heard;

“You have a broken heart.”

“Aw, come on. That’s history. My counselor pointed that out years ago.”

“Nevertheless, it is not mended yet.”

I walk. I write. I make music. How else can you mend a broken heart? Really mend it, not just dull the sensation or self-medicate?

I freely admit, I still don’t know how to get that Cutlass off the rockslide – nor do I know how to mend a broken heart. But naming the problem helps me walk forward. Knowing precisely what I am dealing with along with forward movement frees up the thinking and problem solving mechanisms. Remembering chance words of hope spoken by friends helps. It was the best day I’ve had in a long time.

Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Uncategorized

This fabulous decade

July 9, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Remember the days when you went to a photo sitting, waited two weeks for the proofs, chose which you liked and waited 10 more days for the prints? I had a birthday a month ago and I’ve been waiting on the proofs for a few weeks. The proof that I really am older and the proof that this next decade will be even better.

Somewhere along about the age of 40 I realized that every time I approached a decade marker I got a second wind. I was curious to see if that would happen this year as I completed yet another decade. Looking back; this has been a fabulous decade!

During the last 10 years I ____________________________________________

Completed a bachelor’s degree graduating magna cum laude
Saw my daughter graduate high school
Watched my youngest son graduate high school and launch into the adult world.
Cheered as my daughter graduated college
Completed a manuscript for a children’s book and saw it all the way to independent publication
Actually got paid to write – every penny counts
Got to interact with four grandchildren
Travelled by train to San Francisco and Seattle
Packed all the necessities of existence in a Subaru and moved 1000 miles solo
Taught classroom music fulltime
Taught piano for enrichment
Completed a women’s fiction manuscript which will probably never see the light of day
Got paid to play the piano
Took in as many events, travels and concerts as time and money allowed
Hiked all the trails of Colorado National Monument
Returned to retail store management and found I loved it

And now, I am beginning to plot and plan how I can see more National Parks, hike in more beautiful places, make more music and write publishable manuscripts in the upcoming decade.

A fabulous party

For the first time in 60 years, I planned my own birthday party and paid for a live band – just because I love music and I love raising young musicians. This is how the band looks…

…but not really how the band sounds. iphoto correctly guessed my generation when it automatically chose the audio.

The band? They are indie innovators and accomplished musicians. In reality this is how the band sounds

These musicians? They are my children. My greatest accomplishment was raising them to adulthood and allowing for or providing for as much music in their lives as possible.

co-dependence, Emotional Health, Uncategorized

What is Love?

June 25, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I suspect many of us have spent our whole lives moping about crooning, “Where is love?” rather than asking, “What is Love?” Just what exactly am I searching for? Waiting for? Languishing without? What is love?

“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds”

In light of that definition have I ever been loved? Have you? In a Shakespearian way? Exactly what does he mean? Does he mean the love is so strong it does not go away when it finds a blemish, an alteration in the beloved? Or does he mean love does not try to change or alter the beloved when it spies something out of the ordinary?

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not…”

Why is it easier to discern what is NOT love, than to state clearly what is?

Here’s a bit of tuneful wisdom from Older Ladies by Donnalou Stevens.

Are there any age limits on love? Is it only for the young?

Lana Del Ray sings, Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?

I particularly like the phrase, “I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will.” I have to admit, no. I have never been loved that securely. Yes. There are those who have said they loved me, but, you know, alterations.

I wonder; does familiarity breed contempt? Is the idealistic pure and chaste from afar the only guarantee? After all, as long as love remains unrequited, you alone may chose to remain true, without the responsibilities or constraints of a mutual relationship. Is consummation the death knell for love and interest? Do you agree with Elizabeth Bennet that one good sonnet will kill off love?

What does it profit you to play hard to get right up to the alter – and then lose his love only because you secured him?

Jane Austen tends to write heroes and heroines who continue to love tenaciously against all odds. But is everlasting love an old idea limited to 18^th century novels?

Do not discount the fidelity of today’s young. Though old, I am privileged to have friends in their 20s. Some, though young and worldly, would never cheat. That would not be love. One loves strong enough to carry a torch for a lifetime, with or without a resolution. Another 20-something of my acquaintance is fated to be in love with someone already taken – yes, married, and yet chooses to remain honorably silent. While you can neither suppress or conjure feelings of love, you can choose your actions.

My fate is of a different nature altogether. Have I ever really loved?

There were times I began to love. Something got in the way.

I fear that if love is freely given, it can be freely taken away. So I panic and grasp and rush to people pleasing – to codependence – to insure that doesn’t happen. Guess what? It dies on me. Either I smother the beloved, or I burn myself out. That is not love. But what is?

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Uncategorized, Work

Hobbled

May 5, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Ever wonder how a horse feels when it is hobbled? No visible fences or barriers. Freedom as far as the eye can see, yet still hampered in forward progress. A horse with traditional foreleg hobbles can really go anywhere it has a mind to – except up the side of a mountain – it just takes more effort and a lot more time.

Lack of money such as not being able to buy groceries, gasoline, or pay the rent can severely hobble the creative energy of an artistic person.

As an aspiring writer who took a full-time day job to be free of just such financial hobbles, I could let myself feel reciprocally hobbled by the duties and demands of that very full-time day job. Thankfully, I work a job that includes the word bookstore; so it’s more like being hobbled in paradise. Besides, there is plenty of writing for me to do at the office, just…perhaps not fiction.

I love my retail job. There is variety at work. I feel competent. Rising to the occasion, drawing on my analytical ability or putting the strength of past experience to use builds confidence. Then, there is the natural environment at work. Sunshine, wildlife, ever-changing weather and scenery – pretty heavenly to enjoy while earning my daily bread.

I have noticed that the times I feel hobbled or frustrated with my job have to do with a negative attitude – either my own or a co-worker’s. For a few days recently, I was overwhelmed. Some of that feeling was due to wallowing in my own reactionary attitude. The balance of my overwhelm confirms the need to hire another co-worker.

Having first made every effort to corral my negative attitude rather than allow it to hobble my success; I turn my thoughts toward the qualities I wish to hire. Skills and integrity are essential. But, chemistry on the job is more vital than I would like to admit. It can make the difference between dreading work or looking forward eagerly to each day.

Just like the Banks children in Mary Poppins; I am searching for someone practically perfect as I flip through my mental file of acquaintances and leads. I want the best people possible staffing the store I manage. Optimum customer service hinges on a willing spirit; the ability to anticipate the needs of customers; and a clean, neat, tempting environment free of negative energy.

What are some traits that manifest a negative environment?
Insolence,
Chauvinism; gender, religious or political
High-maintenance, needy or demanding
Eager to help you to my opinion,
Disparaging of others or of merchandise,
Know-it-all, autobiographical garrulousness

You can bet as we search for an additional employee I’ll be looking for someone who anticipates needs of visitors, has a spirit of willingness to help, and improves the environment. Dream teams have chemistry.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Golden Oldies

April 19, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

It was perhaps the best I have ever played, though it would still take two hands to count the mistakes I know I made. I laid down a nice rhythmic groove and kept with it, letting the melody and dynamics breathe the words of well-known and well-worn standards for a solid hour.

I could not have asked for a more responsive audience. Some hummed. Some sang. Some merely mouthed the words. Many brightened perceptibly at up-tempo tunes, a boogie woogie accompaniment, or old hymns. At one point, a hall wanderer drifted by and commented with delight, “Look, you are putting them to sleep.” Sleep too, is responsive. It is my intention to play music that soothes and calms–to awaken sweet memories of long ago.

Yet it was bitter with the sweet; a very melancholy loving of the ivories. I sense it is the last time I will play for this audience. I grow older and so do they. In an ever changing group of approximately 50 appreciative listeners gathered there, only four were male. The reality is, women will travel more years single and alone than as partners, couples, or families. Performing music is a vulnerability that bares the soul in so many ways.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Travel, Uncategorized

Self-talk about choices

April 6, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Self? I think it’s time we have a little talk about choices; specifically the choices you made today and what we can glean from them. First off, I’d like to point out the positive choices you made on this, your last day of vacation. Though the day appeared sunny and I-70 was clear, this time of year it was a good idea to drive directly through the tunnels and over Vail Pass without stopping to dawdle.

Once safely over the passes, it was an even better idea to stop and hike to Hanging Lake. Hanging Lake is always a memorable experience. I know you are an experienced hiker. I also know you are in better shape than any of the previous four or five times you’ve made this 1000 ft ascent. The day was warm down by the parking lot and you contemplated changing to shorts and a tank. I commend you for making the right choice. Jeans are tough and made to last; never mind they also absorb and retain water quickly – particularly snowmelt. Smart Wool socks are also essential this time of year. Good job, Self! Tossing your black hoodie in the car seat and donning a black Loki jacket is also worth points. Not only is a Loki jacket versatile – what with the built-in mittens, adjustable hood and pull-down face mask- a Loki jacket also gives you credibility with the serious outdoor crowd.

But Self, I have to ask what you were thinking when you left your hiking boots under the seat and laced on your aging hiking sneakers. The promoters who quipped, “bald is beautiful,” were not talking about tennis shoe treads. And another thing; what is the purpose of keeping your Yaktrax in the car if you don’t tuck them in a pocket when you set out? Of course you needed nothing of the kind for the first fourth mile of paved bicycle trail.

The trail to Hanging Lake begins with a stroll on concrete bicycle path along the Colorado River

Nor did you think to go back for boots and ice grips when you saw the rating of difficult at the trailhead, or began to encounter snow a third of the way in.

You did not give up. You pressed on, picking your way over rocks and increasingly long icy patches. What have you learned from this?
You made it to the top. You enjoyed the magnificent view.

But on the way down?

You learned to stop trying to save your butt and to let your butt save you. Forget about dignity and walking upright. You embraced the most useful ranger advice you ever heard; don’t be afraid to sit down if you need to. As a result, you protected your elbows, knees and skull from fracture. You sat down at will instead of unexpectedly. You used every last miniscule muscle in your body. And you made up a new winter sport, sliding down snow packed trails while paddling with your hands That was a full-body workout, Self. Congratulations, you are in better shape than you have ever been. Today, your feelings are alive. You are self-aware–of every muscle and bone in your body.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

My word for 2014 is enough

March 23, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Enough.

I have decided. Enough is my word for 2014.

Enough is as good as a feast.
Enough food.
Enough sleep.
Enough exercise.
Enough books.
Enough beautiful location.

“If you are lucky enough to live in the mountains, you are lucky enough.”

Enough is such a useful word.
When things go wrong, I can throw up my hands and cry, “Enough already!”

Out with the idea that I am never;
perfect enough,
or pretty enough.

I only need enough to get me through one day at a time.
I am enough.

I can hike under blue skies in the bright spring sunshine and sigh, “It is enough.”
Enough to get me through that day.

I have lived to hold grandchildren in my arms. It is enough to have experienced that moment.

The beauty of a sunset, or a sunrise; the harmony of a song well performed, is enough to make life worthwhile.

Enough to get me through that day.

And when unwanted challenges come?

I will be enough.

Fiction is Truth, Uncategorized

Not Often a Serial Writer

March 14, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

When did we start flinging words, bandying them about? Dangling participles and cliffhanging plots on shreds of scrap paper?

Working in radio is a dance of words anyway. In the low-budget spirit of non-profit, I repaired the worn corner of an office chair with a corduroy patch. Thinking to lighten the insult of frugality, I also embroidered the letters, patch cord, so no one would miss the message. Not every professional radio announcer can sew, though the ability to stay on-air through all challenges is essential.

It was in the olden days of two turntables, three reel-to-reels, a cassette tape deck and an 8-track player. Editing was done by hand with a tape snipping block and tape. Spinning platters and cuing tapes accurately made for a clean sound and no dead air.

The Sunday afternoon a second reel-to-reel player went down was not to be born without proper mention. An out-of -order sign was obligatory. The word choice was mine: consider the abilities of this reel, it toileth not, neither doth it spin.
A day later, someone added: Yet, Solomon, in all his glory was not dismayed by one of these.

Life became punny at work. The paper trail grew a tail like a kite all the way down the corner of the production room window.

As I said, it was the olden days, so these were not post-a-notes. Each added missive was a torn piece of scrap paper, attached to the previous with a morsel of transparent tape. Our station manager dained not to participate. A pity, for he was a consummate wordsmith. Every so often the night guy would throw in a pencil drawing of a smurf or loony tunes character with a caption totally off-track the general thread.

Those were my early days of serial writing, but I had completely forgotten them – until I began following the group writing activity at Novel Matters. Today, it’s my turn to contribute. What do you think? Has my writing improved? Or am I just the night guy throwing a wrench in the plot?

Cherry Odelberg