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Masks Off!

On the weekends, she plays piano at a French bakery, but Monday through Thursday she works at a school – not just any school – but a school of music. And because it is a school, staff and students have been wearing masks throughout all the long, dreary months of the pandemic. The school offers private lessons on any instrument you would expect. The school also has bands for all ages. There is a music together group for preschoolers taught by an educator of near grandfatherly age who also does his share of picking, strumming and slapping while leading adult bands of many genres. There is an instructor with a doctorate in music who spends his days with elementary groups and his evenings as the leader of adult bands; beginning, intermediate and advanced; always rehearsing to answer the call to play at the next available gig. In these bands are wanna-be-performers, used-to-be performers, and graying students who work day jobs as doctors, lawyers, executives, or retirees and spend their hobby money on big band instruments, keyboards, and guitars. Students of all ages come through the front door – close to 400 of them – and she greets them and gets to know them and asks about their day and their music. She knows them in their N95 masks and their bandanas and handmade and decorated masks, but mostly she knows them by the schedule they keep – the large spreadsheet that takes up the entire desktop of her 18-inch computer monitor – and doubles when scrolling to the right or left. There is the 93-year-old cracker jack drummer, now blind, still playing with a jazz band.  There are the middle school and high school students who have been with this music school long enough to have established a reputation as smooth vocalists, up and coming keyboardists, shredding guitar players. There are the adults who assemble after hours to be in a band and leave snatches of conversation in their wake  – opinions on music – not usually classical music – more often music and musicians of the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s – and even the turn of the century – the one 22 years ago.  She also knows them by their voice and personality and attitude – especially attitudes about music and other musicians.

Along about the first of March, the mask mandate ended in Colorado. Schools and communities began relaxing the requirement as COVID case numbers began dropping dramatically. Masks came off at the music school. At precisely 2:00 PM she reached for and released the loop from her left ear and removed the loop from her right. It was immensely liberating. It felt almost awkward for a few hours. Now she is greeting 400 or so strangers every week, people with noses and mouths and teeth and smiles. Some of these strangers are quite handsome, and some are homely. But she is glad, so glad she got to know what they were really like – kind, dashing, petulant, stubborn, accommodating – before she was distracted by appearances. And she is happy, so happy to remove her mask and let those other strangers see that she is truly smiling at them from behind the desk.

VOX Harmonics – high school vocal band

The rules of independence

There’s been a noticeable uptick in creative output at her house. A flurry of lyric writing. Sheets of ragged edged parchment stacked against the music shelf. It is contagious. The rise in rehearsal and songwriting is not limited to one person and one wooden piano bench. Voices sing spontaneously again. A mandolin is pulled from a gig bag and strummed. The electric piano and headphones are in use before dawn, the acoustic and authentic strings at midday, the electric bass at high noon. Collaboration happens. All this. All this because a rule was broken and she had to ask for help.

She has a life-long rule of independence. It stems partially from an inherent abhorrence of asking for help. She chokes on the words. She would rather do it herself than outright ask for helpers. When one recruits helpers there is risk. Risk of rejection. The potential helpers may say no. The potential helpers may be balky and grumble the entire time they are assisting. The helpers may resist instruction and insist on doing it their way. After all, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself! For the most part, independence is a good thing. One needs to self-actuate, to take responsibility for one’s own future, not to expect others to make all decisions and take care of you. Independence can be the opposite of unhealthy co-dependence. So yes, let’s hear it for independence. But what of community? What of interdependence? Fiercely, fiercely, because she is not perfect and she has scars, she insists on independence.

She is 5’4”and she is 67 years old and she has rules. She must be able to move all her possessions by herself. That way she is not beholden to anyone. The bed frames fold up. The table folds down. The chairs fold up. The bookshelves look classy, but they are compact, collapsible. No matter how many trips or steps she has to take, she can move them herself. She has been successful at keeping this rule for 14 years – with one exception. Her beloved piano. It has wheels. It is of moderate size. She can move it all around the living room and all around the house by herself, but she cannot move it across the threshold and into a transport vehicle without help. So last weekend, she had to capitulate. In order to bring that one final treasure into her house, she had to ask for help – nay, beg for help. Some helpers are more willing than others. Some parts of the project are easier than others. Loading the piano was a challenge. Driving the truck was normal. Unloading the piano at destination was carried out with ease. You see? That’s the trouble with asking for help. One never knows how the thing is going to turn out. Everyone who asks has to weigh the risks. Everyone who agrees to participate has to weigh the risks. Even when moving a piano, the risks are not always physical. The first emotional risk is rejection, the second is that of not being in control, and the big one for her is loss of her prized feeling of independence. But do the risks outweigh the positive outcome? You be the judge. The piano makes the house a home. Guests and residents linger in the warmth of the living room. Solitary rehearsals are long and satisfying. Once again the confining, inhibiting, restricting rule-laden lid has been pried from the roof of creativity.   

Wherein She Learns to Fill The Love Tanks

She had, for some years, been actively taking responsibility for herself – meeting her own needs both financially and emotionally – attending to selfcare when necessary now that she had reconciled herself to the notion that one can’t be successful just sitting around waiting for someone else to notice need and fill the void. In other words, if her soul needed a hot meal; she cooked one. If she felt like dancing; she took herself dancing. If she needed a break or a vacation; she provided for herself.

So, as I was saying, she had, for some years been actively taking responsibility for herself financially and emotionally, when a book fell into her hands.  And I hasten to assure you that “fell into her hands,” is proper grammar and tense – whether you find it active or passive – because all she did was open the little glass door on the neighborhood sharing library – a little ADU house that shelters up to 20 books at a time – and take out a yellowed previous best seller (1999) titled, How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have. Rather long for a title, given the spine of a paperback doesn’t offer a quantity of space. She was pretty much done with self-help books. Also, she was – as Jane Austen might put it – vastly content – in her activities and semi-retirement. But still, she did want something more.  Further, the book was written by the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Knowing that to be true, and also having a certain amount of respect for a writer who could reference outer space and Greek myth in a literary sounding sentence, she shlepped the book home and began to read.

Let me be clear, she loved the semi-hermit life she now lived, but there was a bit of lack. She wanted more and she wanted to go about obtaining it with the best method.

In this book, the writer spoke of love tanks that need to be filled throughout the stages of a person’s life in order for one to be properly soul-nourished and to grow and thrive in health.

There were parent tanks and friendship tanks and higher-power tanks and even eros tanks. She was fairly familiar with the concept. It all made sense. But how does one go back and fill a deficient tank, a neglect that happened in high school or grade school or even in the womb? How does one cease blaming and actively take responsibility for becoming whole?

She found, for instance, that choosing a good counselor, taking a college course, or even reading a good book can fortify deficiencies in the parent love tank. A faith love tank is an ongoing journey. Some of the love tanks work like backup storage and spill over into others. And sometimes, sometimes one can go back and actually rebuild bridges to friendships in the past and reap the benefits of friendship in the present.

So it happened that in 2020 and 2021, in the midst of a pandemic and social isolation, in spending a minimal amount of time on social media, she was able to reconnect with old high school acquaintances. Hear me now, they had never been “close” or “besties” back in their school days – but there had been many, many hours and years spent in shared classes and activities in the years from 1960 to 1972. Twelve years of shared era and memories; a shared past.  They reached out to her. She responded. Good women, all of them. Persons who from age 10 to 18 did not reject her. In fact, always she would have found a place of welcome at their lunch table – had she not been so concerned with the popular kids and the ones who did reject her – or worse – did not know she existed at all.

As the dust cleared from the first round of the pandemic and social distancing, she made her way back to the old hometown and reconnected with a few of the young women – now grown old – precisely as old as she. In addition, she journeyed over the mountains to reunite for a few hours with old colleagues – folks with whom she shared many fond educational memories. Then, she loaded her kayak and went paddling and hiking in a pristine mountain town with a newer friend, someone known to her for merely a decade. She got those friendship tanks full and in that newfound energy of friendship, she began to reach out confidently and intentionally to form new friends in her new community.

Thus, when someone asked her frankly about the pandemic years (2020 and 2021), she confessed those years had not been so bad after all. There was much to say in their favor.

“Roses,” she said “always have thorns.”

May Your Dreams Come True

“Merry Christmas, may your new year’s dreams come true! And this song of mine, its recorded time, wishes you and yours the same thing too.”

I hope you live long enough to see some dreams come true!

I am not going to wish you a long life. How long is long? How long is too long?

I am not going to wish you to live long enough for ALL your dreams to come true. That might take more than a lifetime!

But may you see dreams come true during your lifetime – over and over and over. May you be sustained and encouraged by your successes, by the exquisite taste and aftertaste of pieces falling into place beyond your wildest dreams – every once in awhile.

Bone Weary With Gratitude

Pace yourself, she said, you have three trains tonight and we are sold out. Three times to the North Pole and back. Keep the energy up. And then, during the second trip, power and voice -over audio went out a mile from departure and stayed out all the way to the North Pole and around the North Pole city and back. Hot chocolate was served in the darkness. Music and dance happened in silence – or to self-accompaniment. Sing-along flourished aided by the cellphone light shed on booklets by passengers willing to have a good time and make do with the tools at hand. Thirty-nine passengers and one attentive chef with a costume change in the script did their best to make magic happen in the darkness, at 7,000 feet, on an historic steam engine train turned Polar Express, traversing some of the most beautiful scenery in North America. Nevertheless, just like clockwork, Santa made an appearance. The ringing of silver bells was heard loud and clear to one more round of exuberantly sung Jingle Bells.

But there were some melt-your-heart moments that Saturday night. Dads who sang out loud and clear on all the Christmas songs. Teenagers who participated with a smile. And a beautiful three-year-old boy who wanted to give his silver bell to the chef. She took it. Yes, she did. She received it to her heart. Then she wrapped it back in the fingers of the child and said, “Will you take it home and keep it in a safe place for me?”

That chef rolled into bed bone weary at one hour and thirteen minutes past her usual bedtime. In the distance, she could still hear the train whistle. Others continued to work. Long hours. Railroad hours. Moving train cars. Readying for the morning. She was grateful. A chance to perform. An opportunity to ride the train. To serve and interact with others. To make people of all ages smile.  Well, you can’t beat that for a seasonal side hustle!

Acts of Rebellion

It is that time of year again. I am being reminded that Santa Claus is making a list and checking it twice. He is gonna know who has been naughty and who nice. In my book nice has always equated obedience and rebellion equals naughty. But, I must say, some of the priorities have shifted as my years advanced. 

I have been an adult for close to 50 years. Of age since the 1970s. Held responsible for my own actions and living with the results of my decisions. Yet there are many days I still hear the voice of a parent in my head, chiding or telling me what to do or not do, insistent I toe the line.

The rule about drinking directly out of the jug in the refrigerator? Be it milk or juice? I have no trouble following that rule. It is my own voice I hear, not that of a mother. Putting one’s mouth right on the lips of the jug where who knows who else has done the same is not tolerated. It is as repulsive as ham fat. Germy. It makes my skin crawl just to think about it. Probably the last time I drank directly from a pitcher or jug was 1964 – and then? I was not testing my mother’s boundaries, I only wanted to see how my lips curved around the innovative, supple, design of the latest Tupperware container – kind of like kissing the mirror. I was a child and I experimented.

But there is that rule that begins, “shut the door, what are you trying to do? Heat the whole outside?” Frankly, I have no desire to heat the outside but I do want to let the out of doors in, to freshen the entire house, to feel the breeze blow in one door and out the other, to breathe fresh air. There is also the matter of bracing the door open to transfer groceries from the porch to the inside whether scorching or freezing weather – especially freezing weather. Sometimes it just makes more sense to prop the door than to open it, bruise your behind, skin your heels and set down your packages to close it each time.

While I am confessing about broken rules, for many years, I grocery shopped hungry. How else would I remember to buy enough food for the growing masses? These days I have regressed to eating before I leave the house. No one needs an old lady fainting on aisle ten from lack of nutrition – they might think it was from shock at the food prices.

Another thing I do, ever so rebelliously, is fill the bathtub generously. It is a luxury. And let me tell you, it is cheaper to fill the tub and soak every day than to go to therapy or drive to the hot springs and pay the entrance fee every day.

But the crown jewel? The act of rebellion that causes me great glee every morning? Fixing my oatmeal. These days I eat deluxe oatmeal; organic rolled oats with raisins and almonds and dates (but no sugar) – not only for the taste, but for the hearty nutritional value. So, since it is such a decadent repast, let me tell you how to fix oatmeal rebelliously:

Remove favorite hand thrown pottery bowl from cupboard and place on counter. Open refrigerator door wide. No need to brace it with your butt or elbow, just let it rest on its hinges. Take the jar of almonds from bottom shelf and shake a few into your bowl. Exchange almond jar for chopped dates jar and sprinkle chopped dates into the bowl – all the while leaving the fridge door wide open. Do the same with the raisins. Close the door with a sigh of satisfaction, add oats and water and place in microwave for two minutes. You did it! You left the refrigerator door open for a full three trips across the kitchen without guilt – and with great enjoyment!

May your days be merry and bright – and may all your rebellions be non-life threatening!

Compass Point – A Junior High Book Report

It’s a book! A book with a beautiful, eye-catching cover. How can you possibly go wrong with a Randy Langstraatesque photo of Colorado National Monument on the front cover? Oh, and a compass? Don’t forget the compass. Compass Point is a brand new book written by an author I have known since junior high.  Actually, I have known many authors since grade school and read them well; Laura Ingalls Wilder, Louisa Mae Alcott, George Eliot, Harriet Beecher Stowe-the list goes on. But as far as I knew, the Barb of junior high was not a bard. And then, our paths crossed again about a decade ago and I found we shared common interests in both writing and hiking. As we hiked together, I learned Barb – the same old Barb from P.E. class and marching band- had several children’s books in print and one adult novel. Best of all, she was working on a novel set in National Parks. That National Parks novel has now come to fruition in the form of Compass Point

Who should read this book? People who love the cover. During the four years I worked at Colorado National Monument, hundreds of photographers (including the above mentioned Randy Langstraat) submitted breathtaking photos of Colorado National Monument to an annual calendar contest. There is a photographer character in Compass Point. She works at Colorado National Monument and she wears a flat hat and carries a big lens.

Who else should read this book? Folks who have worked at Colorado National Monument and Capitol Reef National Park. Rangers and bookstore managers who like Craig Childs and Nevada Barr but are not looking for a copycat of either.

What did I like best about this book? Hiking in Waterpocket Fold and enjoying the geological features and astounding red rock scenery of a couple National Parks; enduring and surviving weather and calamity and finding my moral compass and once again affirming whom I was meant to be. Oh wait! I wasn’t really there. I was only turning pages of a book.

Wedding Snapshots: another one got away

It was a wedding, so of course, there was a photographer – many photographers, actually. Everyone carries a phone camera these days. So there are snapshots and snapchats of the bride and the maid of honor and the flower girl and the ringbearer in his pajamas after the whole ordeal. There is an absolutely lovely candid photo of the bride and groom lifting champagne glasses and smiling, flutes parallel, the cake perfect. There are reverent photos of solemn moments, vows and communion and an impeccably well-dressed wedding couple of a certain age taking second chances. Risking all for love once again. There are photos of well-wishers and dancers at a wedding reception boasting a professional band and a quintessentially catered small-plates buffet. The reception cheffed and catered; it must be added; by the full-grown daughter of a friend of the bride – who also happened to be a former piano student of the wedding musician. Yes. It was a mature wedding, full of the richness of friendship and family and lives well lived regardless of bumps and hurdles thrown in the path. Most of the members of the wedding party were baby boomers – or children of baby boomers – even grandchildren.

She blew through the glass doors of the modern big box church building trailing a garment bag with the requisite black semi-formal wear of a seasoned wedding musician. Rushed, as usual, from one appointment to another. Band instrument load-in at the reception venue at 1:00 p.m. and now spiffy prelude at a church at 2:30 p.m. or whenever she could get changed and gracefully ascend to the piano bench. Zero to sixty in – well, yes, zero to sixty in 67 years with a few hitches along the way. As she could see, wedding guests had begun to arrive. An entire multigenerational family sat perched at a bistro table waiting for the auditorium seating to open.  A 15-year-old 2021 reincarnated version of a child of the 60s was twirling in the irresistible open floor of the atrium. She paid them no mind, but bustled on through the church fellowship kitchen and into an anteroom which she knew to be the dressing room for the women of the party. Women of all ages in all stages of dress lounged and chatted on padded Sunday School chairs while a cosmetologist finished gilding the bride. The musician gained entrance to the small restroom – shared space with the maid of honor – and slipped out of black stage crew gear and into a black performance dress. A designer dress, constructed with quality lines, flattering in fit and drape, and incidentally, with a side zipper. Alas, there was no mirror in the restroom, but she remembered seeing a full-length mirror propped just outside the door. Out she went, sidled up to the mirror and commenced the task of zipping without ripping the skin. From behind a winsome voice asked, “Can I help you, Miss Cherry?” She looked up into the mirror and saw herself encircled by a blond, slender, willowy wisp of a woman. Snap that picture, photographer. It is unforgettable, the two of them framed in the mirror. This is the very student to whom she used to say after hearing the C scale, “And G, and D – and when you grow up you’re going to have twins and name them Angie and Andy.” Now she only said,

“Oh Margie, I’m afraid your nose is having to be in my armpit.” “No problem, Miss Cherry. I’m a kindergarten teacher, I’m always in pits.” Slick as a zipper the wedding musician was dressed and shod and groomed. The former student tucked a flower in long wedding tresses and sent her aging teacher out the door to the waiting keyboard.

And the piano student? Yes, she is a kindergarten teacher – and a teacher of music. She has raised four children. One of them was twirling in the atrium. Another she named “Cadence.” But the portrait -that heartwarming snapshot that got away – lives forever in memory – that and the picture of the accomplished chef leaning in the doorway and reveling in the music of the reception band.

NaNoWriMo and the month of November

Welcome to NaNoWriMo – the month of November in which writers feverishly write and upload 1,700 words each day in order to push themselves to finish the rough of a novel in 30 days. Just the type of motivation that would set me up for stress and failure. The type of project that goes against the grain with me because I edit and correct as I go rather than roughing out 50,000 words. Besides, I have three novels in print and two in process on the back burner. Nevertheless, strengthened by the success of my daughter who drew 21 works of art during the 31 days of Inktober and was encouraged and polished by it; spurred on by my efforts in a Monthly class of immersive a cappella arranging under the tutelage of Pentatonix during September and October; I will greet November.

I will not sign up. I will answer to no one but myself, yet, I will answer! I will challenge myself to write something each day in November. Why? Because that is what I want to do.

By the way; what is done and in the past is now on sale! Limited time, November 1 – December 1, 2021; Only at cherryodelbergbooks.com each of the following select items $10.00! Complete your shopping now!

You Shop! I’ll Write!

The Flowers That Bloom In The Fall

What can I say about the onset of autumn? What words are there to describe such beauty? How can I make you understand the glorious beauty and the way it makes me feel? Will it help if I confess that for eight weeks from the middle of August to the middle of October I rose each morning with happiness and purpose? That’s a record to be proud of. Will it help your understanding when I say I did not feel that sinking feeling in my chest, that hollow sucking down that makes one wonder about the health of her heart, during that entire eight weeks. In addition, I had no qualms, no anxiety regarding all the music activities and performances in which I was involved. Let me repeat; no debilitating, paralyzing anxiety for two months! If autumn be the fount of long life and happiness; linger on oh many colored leaves and sooth my heartstrings!

What a joyous season this has been! It takes me back, oh so many years, to a heartache fraught time in my early 20s. Yes, relational stress was mine in abundance. Nevertheless, fall came on and with it an ebullience so strong a neighbor remarked, “Wow Cherry, you really bloom in the fall, don’t you?” Affirmative. And now, just a few millimeter marks beyond my mid-sixties, I can say the same. It is truly the autumn of my life. It is the now or never season. Time to complete the bucket list and finish strong. May I bloom like never before. May I revel in the season and embrace the beauty of fall in perpetuity. May the glorious colors, the golds and reds and yellows and orange refresh you as well and may the health and glory of fall linger on and on in memory and add warmth and glow to your winter. And if you are in the autumn of your life? – May it be your best season ever!