Character, Family, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth

Taking Care of Yourself

August 24, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

This is my belated college roommate experience, the one folks swear you must complete before you can relate in harmony as an adult – just like growing up with siblings. Two weeks ago I moved from solo dwelling on a couple acres to house-sharing with two teachers.

Welcome to my suite life where things are a good deal more glorified than your average college dorm or apartment share. For one thing, we each have our own private room and our own private bathroom. We live with traditional proper decorum; Guys on one level, Gals on the other.

In the kitchen, we share common ground. Three bottles of olive oil are tucked into three separate corners. Three bulbs of garlic reside in respective baskets and bowls. The fridge is stuffed with fresh produce on designated sides. We are consciously healthy-living in diverse ways.

At 7:00 a.m. we converge and diverge.

Me (bustling into kitchen): Need oatmeal

She (groaning): Need coffee

He (chopping fresh vegetables): Need smoothie

That is a brief and accurate description of our personalities.

And they all lived happily ever after, because each got for herself / himself what she or he needed.

Character, Family, Goals and Dreams, Uncategorized

Moving Conversations

August 17, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Me: Dear friends and family, I am moving to forward my financial future and commence my bucket list. By house sharing with a couple teachers, I can pay off my student loan faster, keep the car in repair and maybe even travel more; rather than living solo in a place I love but barely making ends meet.

Cousin one: Great financial plan

Cousin two: Good business thinking

Sister-In-Law: Your decision is unquestionably the right and responsible one.

Brother: The opportunity is great.

Daughter: Positive move. I see you living in community.

Friend: I absolutely love how you’re taking great care of yourself.

Parents: If you need a place to stay you could move into your old room.

Sometime later:

Me: The way I see it, I can either pay professional movers $275 to move my piano 5 miles, or, I can buy dinner for three strong men with a truck.

Woman One: You need to throw in a six-pack.

Woman Two: Please don’t ask my husband to help.

Friend: I can get a male friend with a truck.

Parents (80 years old): We will help in any way you ask us to.

Me: Thank you, Mom and Dad. I need you to go to Chipotle at 5:00 p.m. and pick up the meal for the movers.

Parents: Okay, we will be there at 4:30 to help you move the piano.

Cousin: I have the necessary equipment. A good piano dolly, an enclosed trailer with low floor, ramp tailgate, and good straps to secure it. . .Sorry I am 1100 miles away.

Oh, the irony.

Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

How do you mend a broken heart?

August 8, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

In my dream, I was driving the ’78 Cutlass down a rockslide. (Not just any Oldsmobile, but the one I drove off the lot in November, 1978; the Cutlass Supreme with only 7,000 miles on it. That car took me in style to the DMV at the courthouse where I paid an exorbitant fee for license tags causing the young man behind me to gasp, “what are you driving lady?” It pulled a fully overloaded U-haul trailer all the way to Chicago, saw one child learn to drive, and hauled me to the hospital for the birth of the other two. Patiently, the Cutlass hung in there for trips from Dallas to Colorado until the youngsters graduated from car seats to regular seatbelts. It was sad to sell it after 20 years and a rebuilt engine.)

Confident, cautious, and dependable I navigated the talus that was the rockslide. Our ride was as smooth as a buggy trip on a cobblestone street – until we came to a drop-off. No mere 4-wheel-drive vehicle could breach that step. Heavy road moving equipment – maybe. One option would be to back up the rockslide. It was then I found out the trip down had not really been as smooth as a cobblestone street. Another solution might be a helicopter or a crane. I acknowledged my problem, turned off the engine, removed the keys, exited the car and left it there. Surely, given time, I would be able to solve the problem.

So ended the dream.

I am a morning person. I love waking up with the sun – with a fresh perspective. Over the past 6 months, I have experienced (again) a series of intermittent days or weeks – not every day – where I wake up depressed, a little bit blue, with that sinking feeling. You know the one. As I came gradually toward consciousness this morning, I could tell it was a gorgeous day. Sunshine. Birds chirping. Gentle breeze with the scent of pinion pine, dew-kissed desert, lavender. What could be more delicious? Then came the dread. I longed to roll up in a ball and hide in the depths of my bed. “Emergency, emergency,” clanged my emotions, “Rise and shine. Commence self-talk. Up by the bootstraps, now. Make yourself feel better.”

But, instead of self-talk, I listened. This is what I heard;

“You have a broken heart.”

“Aw, come on. That’s history. My counselor pointed that out years ago.”

“Nevertheless, it is not mended yet.”

I walk. I write. I make music. How else can you mend a broken heart? Really mend it, not just dull the sensation or self-medicate?

I freely admit, I still don’t know how to get that Cutlass off the rockslide – nor do I know how to mend a broken heart. But naming the problem helps me walk forward. Knowing precisely what I am dealing with along with forward movement frees up the thinking and problem solving mechanisms. Remembering chance words of hope spoken by friends helps. It was the best day I’ve had in a long time.

Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules

You Win at Life

July 24, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

A few weeks ago a Facebook friend posted her results from one of those little 10 or 15 question multiple choice quizzes that purport to read your personality or your future.

“I make history!” she said. “What answer did you get?”

She is an educator and a former colleague of mine. We share a common understanding of the value of history and core education. The test sounded interesting. Not the kind of test you put a lot of stock in like Myers Briggs or even Rorschach, but just for fun.

So, I clicked the link. I had my fun. I got my answer.

You win at life!

What?????? I must have clicked a couple wrong answers along the way. Me win at life? Obviously, that was not a very credible test. I took a quick glance over my history and laughed. But shame followed closely on the heels of the laughter. Because, you know, it’s not nice to win. Or is it? When you win, does it automatically mean you have manipulated, cheated, intimidated, made someone else your step-ladder to success?

I dwelt in faulty thinking for a spell, second-guessing past success and past mistakes and chastising myself for being so transparent that a recreational test found me out.

This is precisely the type of emotional cerebral activity that garnered me the accusation that I think too much.

Is it wrong to succeed above your fellow man, or is winning at life an opportunity to raise others up? When I look over the past decades, I see I have reinvented myself many times just to survive. Does that make me a winner?

Maybe, just maybe this little test was meant to encourage, not to chide. After all, when you take a quiz titled, “Which Disney Star are You?” Everyone ends up a star.

So, my friend makes history and I win at life! That is palm reading I can live with, a daily reminder:

Be encouraged!

You can get through this!

You win at life!

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Religion, Spiritual Well Being

Patti Hill, Gilbert Grape and One Tin Soldier

July 14, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

When I first saw the movie, “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape,” I sat and wept quietly at its conclusion. My brother, a fan of the film, questioned my tears. “It has a happy ending,” he argued. But I could not bear the relentless burden of caretaking and parenting of a parent that Gilbert was called on to carry.

I feel the same crushing weight for Amy in Patti Hill’s story, “The Queen of Sleepy Eye. “ The mother is relentless in her dependence on Amy. No 17-year-old should be called on to raise a parent. This type of dependence demands boundaries, but it is a bit ticklish for an underage child to set them and still remain respectful to the parent. But here’s the rub; Amy herself is not perfect. She scolds. Some of her actions are scoldable. She judges and her pride goes before a fall. Been there, done that. I’ve also made promises with the best of good will and self-control and then broken them.

This is a book every Christian should read. Using your children for your own glory or sustenance is a theme oft repeated in life. Manipulation is a tool frequently employed by many parents, but not often acknowledged in Christian fiction – which this is.

The first third of this book reads like a textbook psychology case study. The later portions are for Christians only. Were you raised steeped in the same type of Christianity as I was? A few decades ago, we would have grieved for every last character as they fell from Grace. With tears in our eyes, we would have shaken the dust off our feet and moved on just like some of the church people in Hill’s book. But the ending Patti Hill crafts is an ending where, with the reader’s sympathy and understanding, the characters fell into Grace.

And oh, how I loved the hippies, and Patti’s portrayal of Paonia. Wait, that was Paonia, wasn’t it? And I know these church people, which, unfortunately, is why I shy away from Christian fiction these days.

Are you a baby-boomer? Do yourself a favor and read this book. It will resonate like “Forrest Gump,” or “Gilbert Grape,” or “One Tin Soldier.”

Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Uncategorized

This fabulous decade

July 9, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

Remember the days when you went to a photo sitting, waited two weeks for the proofs, chose which you liked and waited 10 more days for the prints? I had a birthday a month ago and I’ve been waiting on the proofs for a few weeks. The proof that I really am older and the proof that this next decade will be even better.

Somewhere along about the age of 40 I realized that every time I approached a decade marker I got a second wind. I was curious to see if that would happen this year as I completed yet another decade. Looking back; this has been a fabulous decade!

During the last 10 years I ____________________________________________

Completed a bachelor’s degree graduating magna cum laude
Saw my daughter graduate high school
Watched my youngest son graduate high school and launch into the adult world.
Cheered as my daughter graduated college
Completed a manuscript for a children’s book and saw it all the way to independent publication
Actually got paid to write – every penny counts
Got to interact with four grandchildren
Travelled by train to San Francisco and Seattle
Packed all the necessities of existence in a Subaru and moved 1000 miles solo
Taught classroom music fulltime
Taught piano for enrichment
Completed a women’s fiction manuscript which will probably never see the light of day
Got paid to play the piano
Took in as many events, travels and concerts as time and money allowed
Hiked all the trails of Colorado National Monument
Returned to retail store management and found I loved it

And now, I am beginning to plot and plan how I can see more National Parks, hike in more beautiful places, make more music and write publishable manuscripts in the upcoming decade.

A fabulous party

For the first time in 60 years, I planned my own birthday party and paid for a live band – just because I love music and I love raising young musicians. This is how the band looks…

…but not really how the band sounds. iphoto correctly guessed my generation when it automatically chose the audio.

The band? They are indie innovators and accomplished musicians. In reality this is how the band sounds

These musicians? They are my children. My greatest accomplishment was raising them to adulthood and allowing for or providing for as much music in their lives as possible.

Addiction, Health and Long Life

Regarding thirst and sex

July 2, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I used to hate water. But my body needed it and persisted in letting me know through thirst. Often, I mistook the intense need to ingest something as craving for food when what I really needed was to hydrate myself.

So too, I somehow came to regard sex as affirmation. Just as everyone needs water, we all need affirmation. Yet, a physical relationship is not the exclusive fix for emotional fulfillment. In fact, relationships can be quite unreliable as sources of affirmation.

Perhaps my greatest achievement over the past decades is my proper response to feeling thirsty, hungry or desperate.

Nowadays I keep a water bottle handy, drink heartily and then see if I am still hungry. When I am truly hungry, I make wiser choices of foods that nourish. When I have been a little short on affirmation and am therefore craving a relationship; I acknowledge that need and turn to other options. Maybe creating a story or time spent journaling will give perspective. Perhaps, just a good book to read. Most assuredly, what I need is some solitude and a hike in a beautiful place.

The affirmation of sex, or the quenching of thirst with food, is only coping for the moment; but the benefits of a tall glass of water and a long walk in nature build health for a lifetime.

co-dependence, Emotional Health, Uncategorized

What is Love?

June 25, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I suspect many of us have spent our whole lives moping about crooning, “Where is love?” rather than asking, “What is Love?” Just what exactly am I searching for? Waiting for? Languishing without? What is love?

“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds”

In light of that definition have I ever been loved? Have you? In a Shakespearian way? Exactly what does he mean? Does he mean the love is so strong it does not go away when it finds a blemish, an alteration in the beloved? Or does he mean love does not try to change or alter the beloved when it spies something out of the ordinary?

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not…”

Why is it easier to discern what is NOT love, than to state clearly what is?

Here’s a bit of tuneful wisdom from Older Ladies by Donnalou Stevens.

Are there any age limits on love? Is it only for the young?

Lana Del Ray sings, Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?

I particularly like the phrase, “I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will.” I have to admit, no. I have never been loved that securely. Yes. There are those who have said they loved me, but, you know, alterations.

I wonder; does familiarity breed contempt? Is the idealistic pure and chaste from afar the only guarantee? After all, as long as love remains unrequited, you alone may chose to remain true, without the responsibilities or constraints of a mutual relationship. Is consummation the death knell for love and interest? Do you agree with Elizabeth Bennet that one good sonnet will kill off love?

What does it profit you to play hard to get right up to the alter – and then lose his love only because you secured him?

Jane Austen tends to write heroes and heroines who continue to love tenaciously against all odds. But is everlasting love an old idea limited to 18^th century novels?

Do not discount the fidelity of today’s young. Though old, I am privileged to have friends in their 20s. Some, though young and worldly, would never cheat. That would not be love. One loves strong enough to carry a torch for a lifetime, with or without a resolution. Another 20-something of my acquaintance is fated to be in love with someone already taken – yes, married, and yet chooses to remain honorably silent. While you can neither suppress or conjure feelings of love, you can choose your actions.

My fate is of a different nature altogether. Have I ever really loved?

There were times I began to love. Something got in the way.

I fear that if love is freely given, it can be freely taken away. So I panic and grasp and rush to people pleasing – to codependence – to insure that doesn’t happen. Guess what? It dies on me. Either I smother the beloved, or I burn myself out. That is not love. But what is?

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life

Wherein the ranger was right

June 10, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

I said: I would love to go to Rattlesnake Arches. It is on my bucket list. I’ve been trying to find someone to go out there with me

She said: I learned a long time ago, if you wait for someone to go with you, there are places you will never go.

I said: There is a field of sego lilies on top Black Ridge.

He said: The largest variety of flowers may be seen on Lower Liberty Cap Trail.

I said: Nah. You’re kidding. Out in that long barren stretch at the beginning of the trail?

A selection of wildflowers along Lower Liberty Cap Trail

I said: I finally got a helmet and am learning to ride a bicycle again.

He said: That’s the spirit. Soon we will have you running, too.

I said: I don’t aspire to run. I am quite content to hike at my own pace. I don’t particularly like being sweaty and thirsty.

Funny thing, a couple weeks ago I caught myself running through some low places, some less scenic areas of trail for no apparent reason but boredom, exhilaration or getting there more quickly. It is happening with frequency.

Three different rangers. Three instances in which the ranger was right and I was pleasantly surprised.

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Spiritual Well Being

Trust at Rattlesnake Arches

May 28, 2014 Cherry Leave a comment

The foremost reason I hike is for emotional health. I love it. Can’t live without it. What others find healthful in prayer or meditation, I find in walking out in nature. Clarity, soul–refreshment. The added benefit, of course, is physical health. And way down in tertiary position is the word goal or success.

Nevertheless, I hiked to Rattlesnake Arches last week and thus chalked up another score for the bucket list. It was a goal well-met; a decision well-made. Despite the urging of some friends not to go alone and others not to take my Subaru, I set my face toward the arches and I went.

There are two ways to get to the arches. From the North; a seven-mile hike in and through Rattlesnake Canyon with a seven-mile return. From the South; a seven-mile dirt road, connecting to 1.5 miles of jeep road and then two miles on foot. I chose the dirt road thinking at any time to pull over and hoof it the rest of the way. It was my lucky day. The dirt road was freshly graded. The Red Pearl made it the full seven miles – at 10 miles per hour. Trucking on down the Jeep road in my bald tennies; I came upon this wondrous sign:

Solitude. Oh how I love that word. On my way in, I met a lone cyclist, on the road out only one vehicle. I was alone, in utter solitude for a seven-mile radius. There are times I need the counsel and restoration of friends and times I need to be alone, self-paced, quiet, in self-examination.

Cresting the hill, canyons and valleys of the Colorado River stretch out before me, on into ruby colored sandstone and to Utah. The world is so vast. I am so very small. Instantly I trust.

The fear which chronically dogs me, is utterly gone. I rest. Finally in the arms of Nature. There is nothing I can do. Nothing for me to fix, manipulate or take responsibility for. It is beyond me. And yet, all will be most well. It is in the hands of the supernatural.

Cherry Odelberg