Family, Holidays and Traditions, Home and Hearth, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

You can have your Christmas any day you want it

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Smile interestedThe trouble with being alone and poor at Christmas is; folks almost expect you to feel sorry for yourself. Not being accustomed to RSVP pity parties, I threw myself wholeheartedly into as many Christmas activities as I could find.  Just because I am single with a starved bank account is no reason to avoid Christmas.

Fortunately, I do have friends and extended family.  I made it a point to accept the invitations that came my way; the GJHS choir extravaganza and the Schumann Singers‘ Joy to the World.

DSCN4461gjhsdecFree is not to be overlooked.  The first Friday Spirit of Christmas in Downtown Grand Junction featured carolers of every type and age on every corner and free carriage rides.   Being wanted somewhere else to spend time with grandkids, I did not stand in line for the carriage.

DSCN4493carriageThough my sparkling new dance shoes were lost on Halloween, I still attended the Teddy Bear Ball at La Puerta dance studio.  Except for the fun of bringing a gift for the Salvation Army, that was a bit ineffective for conjuring up Christmas spirit.  No bear hugs. I don’t know how to tango. My favorite leads were too few to go around.

DSCN4499schumanBut then, only half way through the month, came December 15 and with it my Christmas spirit and the thought that whether December 25th arrived or not, I had enjoyed a successful Christmas.

I shall try to assume the proper accent for each account.

From your local community news reporter: A good time was had by all at the annual ladies luncheon at the home of Coni Wolfe (Mrs. Steven Wolfe) on Surface Creek near Cedaredge. For the two weeks preceding the luncheon, Mrs. Wolfe had busied herself about the kitchen preparing delectable treats including cranberry jalapeño cheese spread, pecan tarts and sugar cookies.  When the guests arrived, a choice of hearty and tasty soups simmered on the stove, along with apple cider.  Several of the guests carried with them a bag of some sort.  Items in the bag turned out to be borrowed books returned or exchanged for additional literary reading. Women in attendance included retired and non-retired teachers from Palisade and Grand Junction High Schools along with a few old friends and new business acquaintances of Coni Wolfe.  Many of the ladies were heard to remark how nice it was to see each other again.

An Idol Nutcracker critic: “I expected a lot from you when I saw your name on the program.  A lot. You’re not just any old high school boy.  You have a history of dance and trophies won in competitions throughout the region.  But, frankly, your lifts looked a little weak and unsure.  I was surprised, you being a BMX rider and all that.  You had that spotlight stolen from you, stolen by veteran professionals from New York City.   But, we’re still expecting great things from you a few years down the line.”

Yes, Saturday December 15, I enjoyed two big scoops of Christmas.  My cousin was her  generous, hospitable self. I had a kind and interesting travel partner for the trip to Cedaredge.  The Grand Junction Symphony Orchestra members played to their potential in the orchestra pit and the professional dancing and acting on  stage was enough to take your breath away. CMU students AJ Labrum and Sofia Robinson were especially memorable in roles dancing as Arabian Coffee and Dew Drop Fairy.

May all your Christmases be WONDERFUL!  This one is turning out to be white.

DSCN4552yuccasnow

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But words unsaid can hurt me

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Cherry Odelberg - I write about relationships Photo credit Kevin Decker 2010
Cherry Odelberg – I write about relationships Photo credit Kevin Decker 2010

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Well now, that’s a laugh.  Of course words hurt me.  Oh, I know this saying means well.  It was made to encourage; meant to be used as a retort of confidence; to proclaim to the world, “I am not down yet. Up and take another. I’m letting the words roll off like water off a duck’s back.”

But, suppose, just suppose you know someone whose love language is words of affirmation; what then?  Words unsaid might hurt more than words of derision.   Day in, day out to be starved of love and be called upon to rise to the occasion and make bricks anyway – without straw.  Like a baby who is never comforted by touch, might not that soul shrivel up and die; blow away with a broken heart?

I am old, and have heard a few hurtful phrases in my day. Though they hurt, I am a wordsmith and can retaliate with craft. I can fight with words, parry and evade, even brandish the retort, “Sticks and stones…”  But words unsaid?  Those are an insidious phantom I can never best.

Writers deal in words, hug a writer, better yet, praise a well turned phrase.  Trust me on this, a writer will get more mileage than anyone else on a soupcon of affirmation or reward. 

Addiction, Books and other Soul Food, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Fiction is Truth, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

Would you like your closure before or after death?

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ProbingI have heard psychologists recommend it as important to get closure before the death of  a significant other; to confront the father who abandoned, the mother who neglected or the parent who exacted too violent a punishment, however just. I know healthy adults who had these conversations with aging parents with happy result. Sin was acknowledged, forgiveness was offered and accepted – sometimes even begged.

When death comes unexpectedly soon and we are left with question after question and no closure; what then?

Many years ago, when I was a fresh divorcée; raw from every attempt to keep a husband who wanted freedom, I heard a panel of young widows on Focus on the Family. They were discussing with Dr. Dobson the pain of their loss.  One said the most painful time was when she saw a man checking out at the store.  From behind, he looked like her husband.  She resisted the urge to run throw her arms about him and was devastated when he turned and the illusion was broken.

I knew something of that experience, and longed to give my response. Though the finality of divorce is a bit stickier than the finality of death; in a small town, the chances of actually meeting my estranged husband at the store were real. So too, the possibility of seeing him with another woman. Restraint was essential, denial useless.

Over time, I came to see that denial might have been faced with healthy result much earlier in the relationship. I endeavored to write a novel about it-to help others with my experience. That book and two others remain works in progress.

TTTD Ebook promoEnter psychologist turned author Bonnie Grove whose book “Talking to the Dead,” deals with similar issues of love and loss, appeasement and denial – and closure.  Only this is closure with the already dead.

What do you think?  What would you want? Is it better to unmask denial or betrayal and find closure with the living; or to discover, after death, those things you never wanted to know?

 

Family, Fiction is Truth, Holidays and Traditions, Politics, Religion, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

We agree on apocalypse

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Cherry Odelberg, Photo Kevin Decker 2010, legwarmers Andrea Shellabarger, necklace Kelly Hayzlett

God bless the founding fathers and Abraham Lincoln for setting Thanksgiving AFTER general elections so that families can gather and be thankful for each other with some semblance of peace. I doubt the members of my immediate family would have stayed more than 10 minutes at the same table or under the same roof had there still been opportunity to alter the vote through information, debate or influence.

As it was, we shared a great meal with conversation dominated by stories of personal success or dreams.  Afterwards, we made music together with piano, organ, guitar and vibraharp. Mostly, the men listened and allowed my mother, my sister-in-law and me to dawdle about at the instruments and fumble with Christmas Carols.

For those of you unfamiliar with my family of origin, let me quickly clue you that my only sibling (a brother) is a cerebral, Phd toting geneticist who has done extensive stem cell research.  My parents are conservative, fundamental, salt of the earth representatives of the greatest generation; champions of the idea that the final answer may be obtained through keeping a simple list of ten or 12 things. These things were clearly interpreted in, say, 1940 or 50 and should always remain how they used to be. I forever and always have been and will be caught in the middle; moderate, compromising; trying to please everyone and thereby pleasing no one;  alternately shamed and scorned by both sides.

Friday evening found my brother, my sister-in-law and me at the movies – Lincoln, to be specific. During the after movie hot chocolate and discussion, my brother mentioned that there were two more movies he wants to see this season:  Chasing Ice (this is not a hockey movie, in case you were misled by the title) and Bidder #70 (I myself want to see Les Miserables but the topic at hand seemed to be global warming and the Bush administration not the effects of the French Revolution).

My brother is convinced that global warming is progressing at such a rate as to soon bring about a cataclysmic event. The astonishing thing is that everyone agrees on apocalypse.   The liberals believe it is coming as a result of global warming.  The biblical conservatives believe it through prophecy.  Writers proclaim it through speculative  fiction.  The younger generation lives breathes and thinks post apocalyptic. Over the decades, the Huxleys, Jenkinses and Collinses among us have written tomes on the theme.

Is that not a miracle?  We all agree on something:  Apocalypse is coming. Problem is, we disagree on how to approach it.

I voiced this thought to my daughter on the phone – she the Y generation Christian Anthropologist, rock and rage drummer through the week, sometimes youth and worship speaker and musician on the Sabbath.

Me:  Isn’t it strange how the liberals and Christians agree that apocalypse is coming?  The liberals are trying to stop it by curtailing global warming. The Christians are making every effort to stave it off by repentance and moral house cleaning.

She:  meanwhile the Jews are scurrying around rebuilding the temple…

Is there any question apocalypse is coming? Is the question merely; how?  or when?  Or is the issue “woe to him or her by whom it comes?”

Family, Health and Long Life, Holidays and Traditions, Home and Hearth

Happy Thanksgiving Memories

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Thanksgiving with Andrea and Philip, by Andrea 2012

Thanksgiving.  It’s hard holiday to beat for generosity and the mix of food, family, and fellowship.

There are some wise folks who choose Thanksgiving as their favorite holiday; and why not? An attitude of gratitude boosts everything about life to a higher level, positive and productive.

Oh, I know; particularly if you are a woman, you have spent the last week baking, planning, running to the grocery store – but, isn’t it wonderful to feel the wind in your face, to rise to the occasion – even to be thankful that you do not have to cook like this every day of the year?

As a child, I stood by and tried to help with the Thanksgiving Eve grinding of cranberries and stuffing of the turkey as promising aromas filled the kitchen. I learned how it must be done, by watching.  As a too young bride exiled to Germany, I was determined to keep up the tradition, though I bloodied my knuckled trying to grind cranberries on a cheese grater and had to remove all the racks in the apartment size oven just to roast a pint sized turkey in a two quart lasagna dish.

Later, I stood at a kitchen sink in Texas, flanked by my two younger children as we gathered and mixed all the necessary side dishes for meals shared with friends.  I not only enjoyed those years, I lived to write about them.

Over the years, we have feasted on small turkeys, large turkeys, smoked turkeys, bonus turkeys, food basket turkeys; turkeys roasted in a conventional oven, wood stove oven, motel oven, and even in a cast iron dutch oven over a campfire.

Last year Andrea was with me for Thanksgiving break.  Together we knocked out the pumpkin pies and then toted them to Grandma’s house and Kevin’s house for the feast.

For the past few years, I have been the spare tire, the single who brings a side-dish and  is welcome at the table anyway. My house is small and my work schedule changeable, so I greatly appreciate the hospitality. I will never forget the Thanksgiving in 2010 when I worked the register at Safeway until late afternoon. Throwing on my coat and rushing out the door to catch the bus, I was hailed in the parking lot by my cousin who tucked me into the jeep with his mother and took me home for a feast.

This year, the Thanksgiving spirit has been pervasive.  Facebook is littered daily with the confetti of thankfulness. Shoppers and store clerks alike seem to have entered into the spirit of the season.  Yesterday the bank teller transacted my deposit with a look of happy anticipation, “Are you cooking?”  she asked.  “Not this year.  Going home to Mama’s, “  I replied.  “And you?” “Yes, for twelve people,” she confided with delight. “I’ve got it all planned.  Happy Thanksgiving!”

Blessings on your day.  I’ve gotta run. I am expected across town with my sweet potato casserole.

Books and other Soul Food, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules, Uncategorized, Wealth and Fame

I am mildly disappointed in The Hunger Games

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Cherry Odelberg, photo credit Kevin Decker 2010

I have just finished reading The Hunger Games.  It was a great book. I am mildly dissatisfied with the conclusion.  Before I proceed to analyze why, I am sure you have one of two possible reactions which must be dealt with before you can concentrate on what I have to say.

1. Why are you just now getting around to reading this book?

OR

2. What is a 58 year old woman doing reading a YA fiction book?

The simple answer to both questions is: I am a writer, mother, grandmother and I hold down job(s) in the real world.

The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins, 2008), is more than a dawning of love between vampires or fidelity and character among institutional witches and it is worth a thorough read.

The overall narrative initially and consistently reminded me of Animal Farm or Brave New World, a couple of futuristic stories in the junior great books anthologies, and some ancient myth.  It is a book to entertain, to take you on adventure, to make you think. And thinking is what I did as I turned pages – faster and faster into the wee hours.

My first disappointment came with Peeta. I wanted him to be less passive, more warrior.  But he is only sixteen.  How much can you expect of a 16 year old, a grasp of all the virtues and character traits including Love?  These are issues I yet ponder at my age and I am a voracious reader in part due to my endless search for the ideal. Peeta certainly grasps the essence of unconditional and enduring love. Also, it is hard to find fault with his determined philosophy to not let the competition change who he is.  Why do I have trouble with his inactivity and passivity, do I not truly believe all you need is love?

My lingering disappointment has to do with the ending. She took the fruit and gave some to him – but they didn’t eat it, not really, they only pretended to. They outsmarted the gamekeepers and the Capitol, but, in so doing, did they compromise who they were? What if they had taken the fruit and swallowed it? Might rebellion have broken out  in the districts immediately?

Perhaps a Romeo and Juliet suicide is not the proper death to glamorize as an example to the YA of today. We have been aware of a high suicide rate among the young ever since I was in high school. Publishers, gatekeepers, vocal Christians and psychologists alike would frown on a dual suicide ending. No, besides ending the writer’s opportunity for a Katniss and Peeta sequel, a suicide ending too, would have been disappointing.

So, for the sake of honor.  For the sake of everything good and right and true and heroic.  I would have a true martyr’s ending. It would have been impossible not to cry. As it was, my only tears while reading the book were brought on by the district 11 bread parachute.

In my ending, Peeta flung his knife. Katniss laid down her bow. They were shot instantly for their rebellion and disobedience. Rebellion in districts 12 and 11 broke out and was widely imitated in other districts. Were their families in danger?  Of course. Family is always in danger. It is simply a matter of drawing a line in the sand sooner. In this way, Peeta’s integrity remains intact as does Katniss’s courageous honor. As it was, she took the fruit and gave some also to Adam, I mean Peeta, and the ideal took a step backwards.  But, they were only 16 after all. How could they know that the integrity of their controlled Universe rested on one decision; that all hell would later break loose; that they would live only to fight again?

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Foul Weather Friends

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Cherry Odelberg, photo credit, Kevin Decker 2010

Today I am contemplating foul weather friends. As might be assumed, foul weather friends are the opposite of fair weather friends.  Fair weather friends are those who love to be around you when all is going well, when everything is fun and good times.  Fair weather friends slink away, run away or hide when life hands you things difficult to bear.

Foul weather friends are the ones who are there for you when things go wrong; relationships sour; the refrigerator is empty. But, are the foul weather friends here for me in the good times?  Do they know how to enjoy life with me, or only how to help?  Do I know how to accept their friendship in good times  or only how to use my need as a magnet for their attention?

I have a few of these foul weather friends.  I know I can go to them when I am desperate and they will shelter me with a shoulder to cry on, they will offer lunch, a listening ear or even a room until I get back on my feet emotionally or financially. They seem to have it all together and they never seem to need me to reciprocate.

But I treat them the same way I treat God. I can’t thank them enough. In fact, it is a little embarrassing how much they have helped me over the years.  I am ashamed I had to ask for help. I don’t want to be a bother, so I try and give them a reprieve from my presence when times are good.  I try to stand on my own two feet until I slip up or something goes wrong again.

What I really want are all-weather friends with a life-time warranty. Is there such a thing?Do I have the resources to afford them?  Am I balanced enough to both give and receive? Do I even know how to be free of every feeling of obligation and debt except the debt of love?

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Metaphor, Photos, Poetry and Prose, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Survive or Thrive? Putting my house in order

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Cherry Odelberg, November 2011

The fall weather is beautiful.  It makes me want to set my house in order, get rid of the chaff of a lifetime, prepare for a cozy and uncluttered winter. At the approach of 2012, I made it my goal to live the year as though it was all I had been given, a gift of 365 days to thrive or survive.  I have survived, stabilized, reached a rhythm of contentment where I love my life and am mostly free of worry.  Yet, in the remaining two months, I want to thrive.  There are still things to do, places to go, people to see; even as I tuck everything in for the winter. I want to finish strong. Though it is not baseball season, I would love to knock one out of the park before the year’s end. A home run, a victorious finish, that’s what I want. How about you?  Are you exhausted by the time of year or exhilarated by the time of year? I want to align with Caleb:

Mt Garfield from Holy Cross

Give me this mountain!

‘Tho my sight is gone my vision has not dimmed.

Morrow Lake Trail

Give me this mountain,

And renew my strength to mount on eagles wings.

For I have seen you miracles and I believe your promises,

I have run the race, and in your name I now obtain the prize!

Give me this mountain,

One more thing before I die,

Hermits Rest, Morrow Lake

One more chance to prove your promises,

One more war to wage for right,

One more race to run with you right there by my side.

There’s been fire by night and clouds by day,

Manna eaten along the way,

Dry land where the sea had been,

And water from a rock to meet my need.

Morrow Dam Lake

Give me this mountain!

Tho a valley lies beside it,

And Jordan River bound s the other side.

Give me this mountain!

Let me conquer while the young men stand in awe.

I have lived to see this moment and from the highest peak I’ll cry,

Independence Monument, late summer inversion, 2012

“Give me this mountain!

And in peace;

Let me die!”

Cherry Odelberg 1995  (the irony of this date is not lost on me, I was 40 years old when I wrote these lyrics and first recorded the accompaniment)

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Is it easier to do good works than to love?

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Something has been niggling in the back of my mind. I have noticed that sometimes it is easier for me to take care of people than to love them.  Is caring for someone the same as loving them? Is it possible to love people and not take care of them?

C.S. Lewis said, “If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness.  But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love (The Weight of Glory, circa 1941).”

Given my personality type, I find it easier to self-sacrifice than to love.  Yes, I know it sounds odd, but it is true.  I know how to lay down my life for others.  The question is, do I know how to take up my life and live it as I ought? Do I know how to live with love for others, or is everything I do condescension?

When I care-take and self-sacrifice; am I doing it to control?  To make sure things get done my way?  Or is it an outward action from a heart of love? Such a fine line.

Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Wealth and Fame

Money makes me happy

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When money makes me happy, should I feel shallow?

Money makes me happy.  Oh, I know that money can’t buy happiness, yet, over the years, I have noticed that having a little makes me happy. When I acknowledge this, I feel shallow, superficial, frivolous; because we all know this is wrong.  For instance:

The love of money is the root of all evil.

You can’t serve God and mammon.

Money isn’t everything.

But;

Money buys events

Money can buy the opportunity to be with your friends socially.

Money is what we give the utilities company and landlord to keep the bill collectors at bay.

Could it be it is the events, the friends, that make me happy?

Perhaps the happiness comes from the security of being able to pay my bills this month.

I stopped feeling guilty about being happy over money when I realized the truth of these words by Tony Robbins:  “Progress equals happiness.”

I found that small gem of wisdom, as well as the one that follows,  on Michael Hyatt’s blog site, Intentional Leadership.

According to Dr. Timothy Pychyl, writing in Psychology Today:

… the successful pursuit of meaningful goals plays an important role in the development and maintenance of our psychological well-being. To the extent that we’re making progress on our goals, we’re happier emotionally and more satisfied with our lives.” (Dr. Timothy Pyschyl, Psychology Today)

I should not feel guilty that money makes me happy any more than I feel superficial that good grades make me happy.  Both are a sign of hard work, achievement and progress toward my goal. It is time to be more satisfied with my life.

Putting One Foot in Front of the Other, Hiking for Life!