Character, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Home and Hearth, Uncategorized

The baby turns 21

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Philip at 18several months. c

My baby is turning 21. In many ways, he has been behaving like an adult for several months.  He has his own house share, friends and a job.  For transportation, he rides a bicycle several miles to work.  Though he has not lived under my care for over two years, I still worry over him.  The other day, finding he was about to ride his bike to work in the snow, and feeling helpless from a distance of 400 miles, I urged, “Well, wear a helmet then; or, or do something safe.”  He laughed.

How can you know, when you send your boy off to college, whether he will come back to you and live in your nest; or whether you have released him forever and he will never be your little baby again?

How can you grasp, when he packs his unique clothes, his skateboard and guitar in his car; hugs you and goes out the door; that everything you have done for the past 18 years; every opportunity you have provided, every event taxi you have driven, every long philosophical conversation, every creative project; has been preparing him to go away from you? To be an adult?  To be independent?  To not need you.

Over the weeks and months, it begins to sink in. You start to acknowledge. If he wants to see you, it is because he wants to spend time with you for who you are, not because he needs you for life sustenance. He has learned to take responsibility for himself.

If he comes under your roof again, it will be because he wants to; not because he needs you. If he dines at your table, rests his head on your pillows, and snuggles in the quilts and bed of his childhood, it will be because he chooses to be there, not because of your authority or manipulation.

If he calls for advice, it is because it is your particular view and voice he wants to hear; not because he desperately needs counsel.  He has made a few quality friends over the years.  He speaks with grace and respect, adult to adult, with all those he meets-including you. He takes responsibility for his own support, housing, food. Maybe these character traits, now visible,have to do with the opportunities you were able to give him.

Watching a son become an adult is both a joyful and melancholy occasion.  You somehow feel you ought to be there; ought to be a big part of his life and celebration.  After all, you were a super big player in his birth 21 years ago.

Yet his desire to spend time with you for who you are, his mother, for better or worse; will have a lot to do with the relationship you formed with him for those 18 years you were together. It may hinge on whether you were able to accept him for who he was, to find and further his dreams and goals rather than locking him into your own.  He will like to visit with you because you like and accept who he is and who he is meant to be.  Because, if you have done your job thoroughly; he certainly will not need you to pamper or provide.

July 2010 Ft. Collins
Family vacation San Clemente October 2011
Books and other Soul Food, Emotional Health, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Oh, the bliss of holiday music

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There is nothing quite like the joy of having heard a good musical concert; having seen an exceptionally  good movie; reading a good book; or going for a walk and having a great intellectual thought.   You find yourself crowing inside, wanting to say to everyone you meet, “Hey, the best thing just happened to me, I am overjoyed.”

What?  What happened?  Did you win the lottery? Meet the person of your dreams?

No, not that.  I…I just heard a perfectly executed, exquisite picardy third last night-from mere high school children; and I am undone.  

Sometimes one great musical moment is enough to make you forget any amateurish antics or dissonance that went before. Beautiful harmonies, well executed, heal the emotion if not the soul. I wish it were not so rare.

It happened to me once in Texas, at a state fair.  The midway was so noisy, the hawkers so abrasive, we acquired headaches and nausea and determined to leave early.  On the way to the gate, we saw that the President’s Own Marine Band was about to perform.  We detoured. The moment the huge bells of euphonium low brass turned our way, mighty decibels of perfectly pitched perfection went straight to our eardrums, soothing as only music can.

“Perhaps,” you will say, “It is all in the eye, the mind, of you – the beholder.”

Ah, yes, and may it continue.  I cannot think of anything better than to be a flesh and blood music amplifier.  Off to church now, in anticipation that the drums and bass will gently rock me toward even more gratitude to the creator for making me thus.

Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Religion

I lost my sole while out walking

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October 21, 2011: I walked at length today near my new home, and though I lost my sole; I think I found at least a piece of my true soul. There are times when I walk; when the sun is shining and the temperature is perfect; that something like joy overtakes me. Have you had those excruciatingly wondrous times?  I hope so.  Occasionally it happens when I am playing the piano.  I call that playing in the spirit.  A few times, this same joy has overwhelmed me while out walking.  I like to think of it as walking with God. 

God is my absolute all time favorite walking partner. We can walk for miles and never say a word,

When I go out walking with God, he does not use the time together to scold me; to tell me what I should do.  In fact, he does not try to influence me in any way, except through gifts of good things and beauty. He doesn’t control me. No matter how fast or slow, or how long I walk, he simply bathes and restores me with nature and beauty.

I come back thinking, “I want to do this every day.”

Character, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Photos, Spiritual Well Being

When Debris Becomes Life

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I love to walk. I loved to walk on the beach when I lived in Edmonds, Washington last year.

As I walked on the beach at low tide, I would see interesting debris; things the tide had washed in and then left stranded on the sand or rocks. Besides the usual crabs and kelp, there were empty soda bottles, food containers. Those didn’t stay long.  Either the tide washed them back out, or community minded folk who have adopted the beach strolled by and picked them up, delivering them to the proper recycle receptacle.

There are other relics on the beach; random poles not seen at high tide, remnants of piers and docks that used to be, which are no longer serviceable as anything but roosts for eagles and momentary resting places for seagulls.

From time to time, I saw some rubber gasket like things, about eight inches in diameter.  These were strewn randomly, sometimes caught between two well worn rocks, or half buried in sand.

There is an upscale marina located in the area, I took these halved donuts to be bits of boat or dock protective bumper apparatus.  How careless, thought I, in an otherwise well maintained marina and port; these things are not collected and recycled or tossed. A few times, I thought of asking someone, but just never got around to it.  

Early in July, I was able to attach myself to a noon hour, ranger guided tour of the beach at very low tide. It was here I learned that the supposed gaskets I had been observing were actually egg cases for the Moon Snail. When the Ranger told us this, I thought she was joking; pulling a seaside equivalent of a snipe hunt on us; particularly me, a born and bred inlander, newly arrived at the sea. Further research proved this to be a bonafide bit of marine biology information.

And now, I cannot help but wonder, how many things have happened in my life that I have considered debris, trash; that were actually life giving? How many jobs, friendships, or challenges have I tossed and recycled before they were hatched? How many times have I said, “God, you must be joking!”  When I was staring at a golden opportunity?

Emotional Health, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

All in a day’s walk

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How could I have known this morning when I sallied forth for a fairly routine walk, that it would turn into a 2 1/2 hour adventure down Holey Bucket Trail, connecting to Holy Cross, finally meeting up with the familiar Prenup, and then a two mile walk down Little Park Road to my house? The day was sunny and inviting and the walk could only have been made more delightful by the addition of my water bottle, which I inadvertently left setting on the table at home. I discovered this omission half a mile into my walk, but was not too troubled, since it is fall not blistering summer, and I did not plan to be gone for long.

Despite the recent cold snap, the sun seemed warm, so I risked striking out in my hoodie and gloves. Besides being black, the best thing about my hoodie is the pockets. In them are stowed the ubiquitous cell phone, house keys, and camera.

I made the choice, a few thousand feet into Holey Bucket, to keep moving forward; to see new trail. By the time I reached the juncture of Holey Bucket and Holy Cross, I mistakenly calculated that it was a shorter route to go forward, than to retrace my steps. I have hiked to Holy Cross before, via other trails, but apparently never this section. A mile or so into Holy Cross, I encountered snow; but before the trail met with Prenup, I had doffed my hoodie and tied it around my waist. Soon, I was rolling up my pant legs.

The day was absolutely gorgeous! Who knew that Holy Cross Trail actually boasts a cross? I didn’t. I have yet to see a bucket on Holey Bucket, though I have seen the clunker at the bottom of Clunker Trail. I supposed the name had to do with the shape of the trail as viewed from above; that, and the fact that it is a few miles north of Widow Maker and Prenup, is posted as rugged terrain, and that any biker taking the chance to look up, and not keep his eyes on the trail, would see that his nose was pointed directly toward St. Mary’s Hospital. Accordingly, he would involuntarily shout something like, “Holy Cross, Batman, I’m about to meet my maker!”

Speaking of meeting your maker, I do think I come quite a bit closer to knowing the Maker, and the purpose for which I am made when I spend a good deal of time walking. Many things become clear, centered. Much can be resolved, by simply putting one foot in front of the other and getting a fair amount of extra oxygen into my bloodstream

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Home and Hearth, The Petty Pace, Uncategorized

Loved for who you are, or what you do?

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My daughter in law went to a women’s retreat recently.  She was away four days, so I moved in to help.  I made sure four children got three square meals and two hearty snacks each day.  I transported from school, did mountains of laundry, tidied; generally busted myself to keep everything done-to cover all the bases.  Why? Because I wanted her to be missed for who she is; not for all the work that she gets done.

According to this perspective; the family misses her because they love her, not because they are missing a meal or a clean pair of socks.

I mentioned this at a gathering to which I accompanied the children.  There was a collective sigh, and a nod. Isn’t that what we all want?  To be loved for who we are, not just all the work we do?

 

Admittedly, what we get done is a part of who we are. I am a “doer.”  Getting things done is a big part of who I am.  I am dependable.  I DO what I say I will do. I follow through and get things done. But that is just one part of my personality. I long to be lovable, for others to find me gracious, understanding, nurturing.

We may like to be acknowledged for what we do, for what we have accomplished. But in the end; do we not all want to be loved for who we are?  When we are away, do we not want to be missed because we are loved;  not for all the things that did not get done in our absence?

What is your opinion? Do you want to be loved for who you are, not what you do?  Or, is what you do an integral part of who you are?

Character, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

All my prayers get answered, all my dreams come true — for other people

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I feel like all my prayers are being answered and all my dreams are   coming true–for other people.  And, it makes me smile. It is cause for happiness, celebration and joy. What a wonderful feeling to know these things are possible; that education, hard work, sacrifice and focus really do pay off.

The ancient prophecy of Joel promised, “I will restore to you the years the worm has eaten.”  I was jubilant recently, when I witnessed the relational and material successes of a close friend whom I know has slogged through tough times and emotional pain.

The fact that other folks have received things I desire, is not grounds to covet, envy, or resent. It is grounds for celebration.  At times, I am tempted to ask what I have done wrong. Why are all my dreams and longings being answered in the lives of other people, but not in mine?  Maybe so they can be a blessing to me.

Over the past 12 months, I have been privileged to spend numerous days in the homes of various relatives whom material success has smiled on.  Yes, faithful dependable work and sensible investment have paid off, and they are more than willing to share hospitably. Recently, I spent 36 hours of R and R at a cousin’s.  Retired, yet youthful; she and her husband have just used the first two years post retirement to design and build their dream home.  I could soak in her claw foot bathtub, or the hot tub; write in the impeccably decorated guest apartment; or drink in the open landscape forever, while waiting on my dreams and answers.

Yes, recently, I have noticed that all my prayers are being answered — all my dreams are coming true– for other people.  I aim to celebrate and enjoy all their successes to the limit while I wait patiently for mine.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Spiritual Well Being

Forget WWWWWH, What Next?

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Who What When Where Why How – WWWWWH

These are the questions you are supposed to ask as a writer; from them, you get the complete story.  By referring to them, you craft an informative article. But, if you insist on asking them of the circumstances in your personal life, it will drive you crazy.

Q: Who is in the wrong?                                                          

A:  Will it do any good to know, even if you can prove it?

Q:  When did things start to go wrong?

A:  Does knowing make any difference?

Q:  Where did I go wrong?

A:  Can you fix it, or are you just beating yourself up?

Q:  How did it come to this?

A:  Will all the analysis in the world right things?

Q:  Why did this happen to me?

“Why,” is a particularly pesky question.  Most people start asking, “why?” at the tender age of three.

“Johnny, please put your socks in the laundry.”

“Why?”

“So mommy can wash them.”

“Why?”

So they will be clean and your feet won’t smell.”

“Why?”

I have ceased to wail and whine and to ask why.  It wastes far too much emotional energy with little result. I have recently noticed that asking, “how did it come to this?” is also ineffective. I cannot right my entire world simply by knowing how it got this way in the first place. For me, right now, the only valid question is, “what next?”  What is the next step? What am I to do next? I conclude this must be what is meant by taking one day at a time, seeking the will of a higher power, addressing and correcting mistakes as soon as possible.  So, I ask you, wherever you might be right now in your life, “What next?” Let us wait with hope and anticipation to see what is just around the corner.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Home and Hearth, Uncategorized

Owning Alone

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This morning as I was walking early to avoid the heat of the day, I had to stop and ask if I was mad at  me for being here. I miss the beach and the open sea. I miss seeing mountains and ocean all in the same frame. I miss long meditative walks through a safe quaint town, down by the ferry port and the train station. Yesterday, I got insufferably hot and miserable in the desert heat.  There is no one else to blame; but, is there any reason to beat myself up about this? Must there be any whining and blaming?

One of the unquestionable benefits of being alone, is that you alone own your stuff and can do what you want with it.  Without considering anyone else, you can buy the style of furniture you prefer, place the furniture where you want, decorate in the color you choose.

This benefit reaches far beyond the mere idea of owning material things.  When you are a single adult, you have both the permission and responsibility of making decisions.  There is no one else to blame, so you own the outcome of the decisions you make.

Sole proprietorship is a healthy place to be.  No bitterness toward others, no excuses, no manipulation, no blame shifting.  You make the decisions.  You live with them.

Back Story

In November of my eighth grade year, my family moved to Seattle-and I loved it.  The following July, we moved back to Grand Junction. Had I been given the choice, I would have stayed in Seattle.

In October of 2010, being completely alone and at liberty, I packed my Subaru and moved back to the Seattle area, settling in Edmonds. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically; I was thriving there. I settled into a nice routine of commuting, writing, working and walking. My intent was to live there forever, traveling often for pleasure and to visit children and grandchildren.

Abruptly in June of 2011, my job ended.  I continued to walk and write and job hunt in the Seattle area, also keeping my eye on Colorado.

Job Opportunities

Jobs which caught my interest and showed the most promise seemed to be in areas of investing in the lives of others via education, nurture or organization. Once again, I followed up on Core Knowledge teaching tips, overseas opportunities, nanny vacancies in luxury towns, and personal assistant positions for the rich and famous.

And then it came, a job opportunity that fit like a glove; nurture, nature, organization, travel, homemaking, music, writing and performance-the artsy and the practical all wrapped up in one.

Though this is not the LOCATION I would prefer, I am yet aware of the great opportunity afforded me to invest in the lives of my grandchildren while I continue to facilitate the success of their parents,  to pursue music and media in yet another way, to travel, to be close enough to visit my two younger adult children on a regular basis; to have opportunity to write and be myself, to use the gifts and pursue the desires uniquely mine.

Time to seize the day and savor it for all it is worth.

Emotional Health, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Contentment and Peace

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Ah, the walk did its magic and I am once again at peace—content.  I am sure Saul of Tarsus turned Paul the Apostle must have been a great walker.  He was the ancient who penned, “I have learned whatever state I am in, there to be content.”

I am now in the state of Colorado, rather than the state ofWashington. I walked today near the desert (which is hot) not near the sea (which I love).  I am in a state of busyness rather than a state of unemployment. None-the-less, the walk did its magic and I am content.

Beach North of the ferry in Edmonds Washington

Occasionally when I walk, I get answers; but most always, I get peace.

Tree in Gunny Loop of Little Park Road, Grand Junction, Colorado

Putting One Foot in Front of the Other, Hiking for Life!