Last week, on Novel Matters; a writer’s blog I visit with frequency; the question was asked, “Where do you find quiet?” For me, the answer is simple; I find quiet most often in solitary hikes.
In keeping with that answer, today I took a ramble down Rough Canyon. The scenery was stunning; the quiet, deafening (except for the mountain lion in the brush that turned out to be a scrub jay). My inner being was whispering, “I am listening. I am listening.”
Along the way, I acknowledged two things:
1) Sometimes you have to go deep into the woods (or the canyon) to find your soul – or God; whichever was lost
2) Over the last few months, without realizing it, I seem to have taken a vow of silence.
Earlier this evening, a couple of friends from a quartet in which I used to sing dropped by. It was good to see them. We caught up on bits and pieces of news. I showed them my favorite clips of Pentatonix. We shared our mutual love for the transcendence that happens when musicians do music with excellence. And then one of them asked, “what are you singing these days?”
I laughed ruefully and answered, “I think I may have taken a vow of silence.”
Singing is not something I do well alone. Harmony is my favorite part. Besides, I’ve had a couple of uncomfortable experiences lately when my voice failed me. Once, when I tried to imitate a popular singer for a piano student and the other time when I tried to sing along to my own piano accompaniment at a nursing home. With nine years experience teaching music in the classroom, both these outcomes are out of character. Without realizing it, I entered a self-imposed vow of silence.
Writing is a solitary activity which I love and which feeds my soul. There again, I have been partially silenced by letting the cares and duties of the rest of the world encroach.
Walking is also an activity I enjoy best alone. Walking nourishes my soul. Music, the love of my life, requires copious amounts of alone rehearsal time; yet, when it comes time to perform, I must break the silence.
A vow of silence can be a good thing when it’s time to self-examine or listen. On the other hand, you may have made false rules, beliefs or punishments for yourself if a vow of silence creeps up and overtakes you unnoticed.