Tag Archives: Addiction

The relationship between Yearn, Long, Hunger, Desire

The other day when I was walking Upper Liberty Cap, I realized that I was hungry. Surprised?  I was nearly two hours in and beginning the more strenuous descents which would require the same, if not more, exertion on the way out.

There was a time in my life I avoided exercise and exertion for this very reason; it made me hungry.  Hunger made me eat. Hunger made me grab the quickest food in sight and stuff it in my mouth.  Eating desperately and nervously in this way made me gain weight. Gaining weight made it less possible to fulfill the other desires in my life; beauty, love, well-being, acceptance…

These words are closely related:  Yearn, Long, Hunger, Desire.  Choose any to fill in the blank and you have similar meaning.

After the rain, Upper Liberty Cap
After the rain, Upper Liberty Cap

I __________for food.

I __________for love.

I __________for rest or relief.

I __________for sleep.

I __________for society.

I __________for meaning.

I __________for spiritual things.

There is a tendency to substitute them in our lives; to cope by consuming one in place of the other. However, they do not have the exact same outcome.  If I yearn and have not, I shall be sad.  If I hunger and have not, I shall starve. If I yearn and sate it with eating, I become fat. Worse, even, to substitute a chemical substance and become dependent in my quest for fulfillment of legitimate needs and desires.

Upper Liberty Cap Trail
Upper Liberty Cap Trail

Unlike the unsated hungers that cause addiction, when I became hungry on my hike, I was craving good things, healthful food. The exertion brought out the best in me.

There are times hunger is a good thing. The person who does not exert himself / herself never feels hunger.  Desire is put to sleep in an apathetic trance.

An apathetic person never feels the exhilaration of goals achieved, personal best or excellence.

The hunger I felt on my walk was genuine physical hunger for food.  Good food. My yearning for beauty was abundantly satisfied. Every bone and muscle felt the exhilaration of exertion. My longing to commune with the spiritual and touch the deep things of the created universe was sated. I had achieved a personal goal (hiking all the trails in the Colorado National Monument).

That is the kind of Hunger, Desire, Yearning, and Longing I wish for you. May your desire push you to achieve your goals and dreams. May your hunger be for good things.   May your yearnings and longings be sated with the best life and love and beauty have to offer.

Affirmation Addiction


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Originally uploaded by ein feisty Berg

I am a life-long affirmation addict. I am so addicted that I sacrifice who I am just to be who “they” want me to be in order to receive affirmation and applause. I behave well in an attempt to control the emotional responses of the other. If I am good at what I do; no one will ever be angry with me. If I am really, really, good; they might even applaud me or better yet; absolutely love me!

Manipulation
As much as I love praise and affirmation, I hate it when someone controls or manipulates me with it; when someone withholds attention or shames me for being who I am and then praises or thanks me excessively when I am finally who they want me to be; when I finally do life the way they want me to do it.

I care too much about what other people think. I want them to think I am nice; intelligent, fair and just, good looking, cool. If I cannot make them think those things about me; if they hate me; then life is not worth living. Its just like driving. I hate driving because I cannot control the other drivers. I try to drive perfectly. Surely if I am perfect in my driving no one will blare their horn at me, holler, flip me off, or tailgate; right?

There is a difference between working one’s tail off doing what one loves to do, doing the best job possible; and sucking up, knocking oneself out doing something one does or doesn’t like to do–just to receive the praise, affirmation, or reward from someone else.

Step 6 of the twelve steps says, “We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Melody Beattie adds, “We decide we are ready to take a risk, and let go of these outdated behaviors and attitudes (Codependent No More, Beattie, 1987).”

This affirmation addiction; this being who other people want me to be. These are outmoded ideas and behaviors.

“If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us, or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently?… What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? (Beattie,1990, The Language of Letting Go, p. 115).”