Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Character, Emotional Health, Family, Fiction is Truth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Do you deserve compassion and forgiveness?

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Today, I am thinking about Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s wonderful work; The Language of Flowers (2011), which I have read twice in the past 96 hours.  I cannot get over the enduring love, understanding and forgiveness expressed over and over by the supporting characters; nor the deep understanding of human character and personality disorder exposed so profoundly by the writer.

I want to write like that; to plumb the depths of Hades and return victoriously with Eurydice; leaving my readers entertained, satisfied, hopeful, yet with the knowledge that life still takes work.  Happily ever after does not happen without addressing the issues one day at a time.  Nor does it happen without self-awareness and a compassion for the heart pain of others.

All too often, I subconsciously agree with the adage,”She made her own bed, she can lie in it,” or, “well of course he hurts, he brought it on himself, he deserved it.”

My great take away from this book has to do with what you or I went through. Just because you / I deserved it, does not justify the pain or make it less or any easier. This is true understanding and compassion. Let us be gentle with one another.

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Religion, Spiritual Well Being

Forgiving the meddlers

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I know that to forgive does not always mean to forget.  It is not wise to forget the lesson learned through pain or crisis. 

I also know that forgiveness is essential to my personal health; mentally, emotionally, spiritually – even physically. 

I have traveled the lonely miles of grief over relationships lost; pursued the stages; learned to be angry – very angry- and not sin; learned to accept, admit, own – in short, stop blaming and forgive the most significant other involved in the pain and failure. I have tried to understand the other person and in understanding, I have even begun to be grateful for the lessons learned and grateful even to the person who hurt me most; simply through not being the person I needed him to be.

I think it impossible that a man or woman could spend decades in close relationship with another and not have residual affection, memories and understanding that aids in final forgiveness or reconciliation.

But there are others now, whom I must forgive. They are those who put their oar in, interfered, meddled, took sides and spread falsehood in their ignorance. There are those who thought God had given them the insight that what was best for them was best for me.  They scolded me as to what I ought to do.  Having a word from God, they thought it incumbent to force it on me.

Paid professional counselors, when they make recommendations; or on the rare occasion where they give advice; make it clear that there are no guarantees.  The recommendation when acted upon may or may not have the desired outcome. They do not shame or heap blame; they simply make clear the choices.

Novice busybodies on the other hand, advise from their limited information and bias with little regard for the spirit of the one they are accusing and great regard for their own opinions.  In their determination to fix you and make things line up to their sense of right; they may tell you what you need to do and say. In a pinch, if you are not responding according to their rules; they may even say or do it for you.

It is these overly helpful, zealously opinionated folks I must begin to forgive today.