A handful of M&Ms sat side by side in a cut glass bowl. They are tempting, and offered to me repeatedly – even urged on me. I decline. But, everybody loves chocolate, you will say. And you are right. Even I love chocolate, but I am allergic. Ah, you murmur, “that is tragic.” Not so. A simple, specific food allergy is something you can remedy immediately. A tragedy leaves you helpless, wounded, hopeless.
The M&Ms treasured in my antique heirloom bowl stand for misunderstanding and misinformation; miscommunication and misguided. I once knew an older woman who would attempt to mend broken relationships with the platitude, “It doesn’t matter. That was just a misunderstanding.” To which I say, “It does matter!” It was far more than misunderstanding. No amount of re-phrasing will clear up misguided misinformation!”
A few weeks ago, Novel Matters linked up a video presentation on cultural misunderstandings of poverty vs middle class vs affluence. You might think of it as the tragic case of M&Ms and Money. It was hugely informative to understanding the differences in background we bring to relationships. Listening to Dr Ruby Payne speak cast an illuminating spotlight back over the decades of my upbringing and subsequent relationships. I found myself thinking, “if I had only known.”
Money, as researchers have told us over and over, is one of the major conflict triggers in relationships. We could probably recite the list together: Money, Children, In-laws, Sex, Expectations, Religion…. For this post the other one that makes the list of tragic M&Ms is Marital intimacy.
Rarely do I agree 100% with a speaker, book or movie. I wonder how many relationships could be salvaged, healed or immunized if the video that follows went viral? True to the 2,000 year legacy of the name, Mars Hill, the video that follows clears up misinformed, misguided, misunderstood, miscommunicated belief.
If you are a woman who has been shamed for desire, suffered the contempt of those who were misinformed, or deprived by pornography; let the healing begin.